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MyPTSD Pro
I’ve been seeing current T for just 3 years now. She’s my first T (of many) who is NOT into “talk therapy”. She’s action oriented.
It was a long learning curve. It took a long time for me to understand that she wasn’t being insensitive when she didn’t go along with my stories/life telling. She was trying to get me back on track. Helping me fix my daily issues as opposed to me talking about the past.
When we first started I asked for a discount and she lowered it by $25. For the price she charges, $25 wasn’t much but I was desperate. And def was the first “trauma specialist” I’d ever seen so I figured it was worth it.
It has been. I think. She has definitely taught me many tools such as mindfulness etc.
I have gotten upset with her in the past for not acknowledging painful stories I’ve shared with her and I always made sure to bring it up in our next session. She’s been very professional (such a thing as too professional?), listened to my side, explained hers and sometimes apologized.
I was granted disability a year ago. I had my back pay to use for my bills so I wouldn’t have to live out of my car again and so I could pay to see her.
But now comes the trouble. My lease is up any day and my first instinct was to get back into my car. But now my body has too issues, I know i wouldn’t survive. So I brought it up to T in addition to requesting an additional discounted fee from her. She asked me what my budget was, I guess that means she was thinking of lowering it but I explained that I don’t have a budget. I don’t have enough money for rent, bills so how Can I give her a number? I said I guess the lowest she could go is what I was asking for.
Mind you, I did not ask this lightly. My pride took a massive hit.
Basically, her response was that she is fully aware that private practice Therapy is expensive and she would be more than willing to help me find a therapist who is covered by my health insurance.
When I heard those words coming out of her mouth I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. She cares so little about my well-being that she wouldn’t even consider lowering her rate. (I know this shouldn’t matter but I know for a fact that she/her husband/family are very well to do).
In our last session she spoke about me getting a job as being a top priority right now because so many things hang on that. I agreed with her and it wasn’t a terrible session but it couldn’t of been too good because I don’t remember most of it. I didn’t talk to anybody about it because I wanted to make my own decision but now I’ve waited too long (less than 2 weeks ago) and I think I just pushed it out of my mind because I can’t remember what we spoke about.
I canceled this past week session because I’m angry at her but I don’t know if it’s justified. And I’ve just canceled this coming week session because I don’t want to spend so much money talking for 45 minutes about how I don’t like her therapy or whatever.
I’m just so confused. I don’t know what to do. A large part of me is hurt and another large part of me wants to just give up on it all because I just don’t have the strength to find another therapist
Any advice for a desperate, majorly confused individual?
Many thanks & sorry if it was too long.
It was a long learning curve. It took a long time for me to understand that she wasn’t being insensitive when she didn’t go along with my stories/life telling. She was trying to get me back on track. Helping me fix my daily issues as opposed to me talking about the past.
When we first started I asked for a discount and she lowered it by $25. For the price she charges, $25 wasn’t much but I was desperate. And def was the first “trauma specialist” I’d ever seen so I figured it was worth it.
It has been. I think. She has definitely taught me many tools such as mindfulness etc.
I have gotten upset with her in the past for not acknowledging painful stories I’ve shared with her and I always made sure to bring it up in our next session. She’s been very professional (such a thing as too professional?), listened to my side, explained hers and sometimes apologized.
I was granted disability a year ago. I had my back pay to use for my bills so I wouldn’t have to live out of my car again and so I could pay to see her.
But now comes the trouble. My lease is up any day and my first instinct was to get back into my car. But now my body has too issues, I know i wouldn’t survive. So I brought it up to T in addition to requesting an additional discounted fee from her. She asked me what my budget was, I guess that means she was thinking of lowering it but I explained that I don’t have a budget. I don’t have enough money for rent, bills so how Can I give her a number? I said I guess the lowest she could go is what I was asking for.
Mind you, I did not ask this lightly. My pride took a massive hit.
Basically, her response was that she is fully aware that private practice Therapy is expensive and she would be more than willing to help me find a therapist who is covered by my health insurance.
When I heard those words coming out of her mouth I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. She cares so little about my well-being that she wouldn’t even consider lowering her rate. (I know this shouldn’t matter but I know for a fact that she/her husband/family are very well to do).
In our last session she spoke about me getting a job as being a top priority right now because so many things hang on that. I agreed with her and it wasn’t a terrible session but it couldn’t of been too good because I don’t remember most of it. I didn’t talk to anybody about it because I wanted to make my own decision but now I’ve waited too long (less than 2 weeks ago) and I think I just pushed it out of my mind because I can’t remember what we spoke about.
I canceled this past week session because I’m angry at her but I don’t know if it’s justified. And I’ve just canceled this coming week session because I don’t want to spend so much money talking for 45 minutes about how I don’t like her therapy or whatever.
I’m just so confused. I don’t know what to do. A large part of me is hurt and another large part of me wants to just give up on it all because I just don’t have the strength to find another therapist
Any advice for a desperate, majorly confused individual?
Many thanks & sorry if it was too long.