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Crap, t problems... again

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I’ve been seeing current T for just 3 years now. She’s my first T (of many) who is NOT into “talk therapy”. She’s action oriented.

It was a long learning curve. It took a long time for me to understand that she wasn’t being insensitive when she didn’t go along with my stories/life telling. She was trying to get me back on track. Helping me fix my daily issues as opposed to me talking about the past.

When we first started I asked for a discount and she lowered it by $25. For the price she charges, $25 wasn’t much but I was desperate. And def was the first “trauma specialist” I’d ever seen so I figured it was worth it.

It has been. I think. She has definitely taught me many tools such as mindfulness etc.

I have gotten upset with her in the past for not acknowledging painful stories I’ve shared with her and I always made sure to bring it up in our next session. She’s been very professional (such a thing as too professional?), listened to my side, explained hers and sometimes apologized.

I was granted disability a year ago. I had my back pay to use for my bills so I wouldn’t have to live out of my car again and so I could pay to see her.

But now comes the trouble. My lease is up any day and my first instinct was to get back into my car. But now my body has too issues, I know i wouldn’t survive. So I brought it up to T in addition to requesting an additional discounted fee from her. She asked me what my budget was, I guess that means she was thinking of lowering it but I explained that I don’t have a budget. I don’t have enough money for rent, bills so how Can I give her a number? I said I guess the lowest she could go is what I was asking for.

Mind you, I did not ask this lightly. My pride took a massive hit.

Basically, her response was that she is fully aware that private practice Therapy is expensive and she would be more than willing to help me find a therapist who is covered by my health insurance.

When I heard those words coming out of her mouth I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. She cares so little about my well-being that she wouldn’t even consider lowering her rate. (I know this shouldn’t matter but I know for a fact that she/her husband/family are very well to do).

In our last session she spoke about me getting a job as being a top priority right now because so many things hang on that. I agreed with her and it wasn’t a terrible session but it couldn’t of been too good because I don’t remember most of it. I didn’t talk to anybody about it because I wanted to make my own decision but now I’ve waited too long (less than 2 weeks ago) and I think I just pushed it out of my mind because I can’t remember what we spoke about.

I canceled this past week session because I’m angry at her but I don’t know if it’s justified. And I’ve just canceled this coming week session because I don’t want to spend so much money talking for 45 minutes about how I don’t like her therapy or whatever.

I’m just so confused. I don’t know what to do. A large part of me is hurt and another large part of me wants to just give up on it all because I just don’t have the strength to find another therapist

Any advice for a desperate, majorly confused individual?

Many thanks & sorry if it was too long.
 
In my opinion, she wouldn't be doing her job if she lowered your rate and did nothing to help you focus on how to move in to a productive life. She is a professional offering a service. She already takes a discounted rate yet you ask her for another one. Perhaps you should look at the goals. Maybe think about the reasons why your therapist is trying to motivate you to take some control and responsibility for your life. That is a good thing. Find a job, take control, make good choices, move progressively forward and perhaps she would meet you in the middle with a lesser rate.
 
I realize that finding a good therapist is hit or miss, but it sounds like your T offered to help you find someone on your insurance. Therapists know who the good ones are, so she was being thoughtful in this offer to help you.

You can't really make a judgement on what kind of money she comes from or appears to have. She may not be able to afford to treat you for less than a certain amount and she knows that you already aren't meeting your bills, so any amount she charges is too much.

I also believe that therapists have strong boundaries and look at the relationship as a business one. I think they have to have those boundaries or they would be too absorbed in sadness.
 
Thank you. I needed that brutal honesty. I still feel betrayed but understand that it’s not logical.

I will think about keeping my session this week. If there’s anyone that can help me sort out my feelings, ironically it would be my T :)
 
:hug: @Smile - this would be hard to face, no matter what. Financial barriers to treatment just suck. Plain and simple.

Don’t give up on therapy. Let her help you find a new therapist, and see it not just as an end wih her, but a chance to open a new chapter in your work.

Sorry you are going through this. :hug:
 
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