Crisis line hold time greater than 25 minutes?

Justmehere

Sponsor
One of the things I’ve come to realize is that part of WHY I’m so good in a crisis is that I’ve got a “drop everything” button. It doesn’t even occur to me to try and continue like normal, there’s no internal fight, no “but what IF…” or “but I just…”. I adapt to emergencies like a fish in water.

Which is both part of WHY routines and rituals are so central/vital to my thriving at normal life AND why they’re so. damn. hard. to maintain or start when my stress levels are up. My system override wants to drop everything and manage the crisis. But there is no crisis. And THAT is where the dithering internal fight I’ve witnessed so many people having as I’m shouting at them and grabbing them up to get them moving… enters MY life.

Which also means it’s no f*cking wonder that my SI jumps into massive overdrive when I’m fighting myself like this. No crisis? No crisis?!? Matter of f*cking life or death, it is, too!!!
Exactly! I just handled piles of crisis and threat, even staying with abusive family (which I was safe but on guard) and I had that DOWN and people remarked well done. Now? No crisis but my brain turning IN ON ME.

SI is like... it is an escape? It is a help in my twisted thoughts. Even thinking of it is a moment of ok, I know I can do 2 more minutes because then I have that way out... and it does get almost insanely funny. I spilled coffee. I was like eff it, I won't have to live tomorrow to do laundry anyhow, who cares!

Normally, the usual suggestions are self care. Bubble baths. Warm fuzzy time when all that does is make my head scream. No no no nopers nope. It feels like surviving this isn't just surviving the depression dragging me down, but surviving the panic - yes, like breathing through a panic attack - and disbelieving myself like disbelieving a panic attack. Maybe not disbelief but distance would be healthier. But eff healthy. I will go with a moment of less pain.
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
Called a crisis line and I've been on hold 25 minutes.

Does this happen in your area of the world?
I'm sorry about this! I don't call them anymore--haven't for years. I really was never helped talking to other people in crisis (except my T sometimes), so I had to find other ways that worked for me. For a long time, emailing my T helped. That doesn't anymore either. So now I just...well, I suffer through it.

I have extreme and long episodes of depression and anxiety. Nothing much helps them anymore--except holing up in my place with my cats.
I only tried the Samaritan's e-mail once, and they were quicker than I expected, but I was afraid of what I would say/ revealing too much.
I used to email them. I worried about this, too. At the time, I used an email program that was untraceable, so I could be completely honest. Not sure if it's available anymore, though.
For many years my fallback was to go check into a hotel, and let someone else take care of my “everything” for awhile
I LOVE this idea. I could never do it, for several reasons, but I can definitely see where it would get me over the depression/anxiety hump.
 
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