Custody

[The Albatross]

P.S. Casey, I'm so very sorry that this jackass (kind cuz I want to say pr*ck) is taking this time to "assert his parental rights". What an asshole. I'd bust him in the chops no problemo... but "men" like this guy piss me off in a REALLY big way.

 

[mary1979]

Yeah, you better get a lawyer.
This will be sticky.

Interestingly though, you say the ukranian law cannot be applied to your son right?
Well I also know that a judgement placed on a custody agreement in one country means squat when the child is in another country.

So your son is automatically an American citizen, regardless of where he was born?
And Dad is British?
Wow. If he decides to fight its gonna cost him a small fortune!!!
And then I'm not convinced that UK laws can be policed where you are lol

Anyway. After that brain hurt.
Withholding visitation?
I cant see how that will be viewed as anything other than protecting your child from the unknown.
He walked away during your pregnancy, and you had some fears that he may deny being the father.
You're simply ensuring that if he decides to be part of his life, its permanent and he understands that.
Cant see how any judge would see differently.

Even serving you papers for dna will be a hassle there.
To be honest, if hes willing to put that much in, he deserves to be part of your sons life.
(wait til he actually does it though)

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Confused. The father is a US citizen residing in the UK?

Prior post mentioned bio(?) father and his family wanted nothing to do with this offspring. Now father pending proof of paternity wants access. Reasonable request even if he has been a bad partner, and non involved during the pregnancy. Try to work out the best you can for your child's future.

 

[cat-lady]

Sorry, I'm a U.S. law student but I have no idea the answer to that. Like others said, you need a lawyer who knows that area of international law. I saw mentioned you were already looking into getting one - I hope that has worked out. If money is an issue try searching for who does pro bono work in that area. Also, a lot of universities have programs where students will help you under the supervision of a professor who is an actual lawyer. Some women's charities, legal associations, bar associations, poverty law organizations, or domestic violence charities may also have lawyers who could help you out. Good luck!

 

[Casey_03]

@Changeling The father is a UK citizen living in the UK; I'm a US citizen living in Ukraine. I would agree that he deserves access if it was as simple as him having just been a bad partner who was absent during the pregnancy, but he has repeatedly threatened the baby and sought ways to "destabilize" me while pregnant in a bid to force me to get rid of the baby/have a miscarriage. He nearly cost me my job, cost me vital medical care, and terrorized me. Harassed my family. And as recently as two weeks ago (when the child was born), he was sending threats against my son -- "you wouldn't want anything to happen to your precious son, would you?" This from the father. Who knew he was the father - paternity was never in question, I simply left him off the birth certificate because I didn't want him to automatically have rights. I don't think he wants access now for the right reasons, I think he is doing this all just because it's another way to make me suffer. That's the problem. This isn't a guy who wants to be a father to his son; this is a sociopath who wants control over my son so he can abuse me/us. He sees the baby as a toy.

 

[Casey_03]

Wow. If he decides to fight its gonna cost him a small fortune!!!
And then I'm not convinced that UK laws can be policed where you are lol

Exactly. That's part of the issue for me as well -- it's insanely expensive to get the proper lawyers. I can't just hire an ordinary lawyer, I have to get specialized international lawyers, who will cost me a fortune as well. It drastically limits my options for finding pro bono firms or anything like that. In a way it's good that it'll be hard for him, but frustrating that it will be equally difficult for me .... Though yes, it seems unlikely that anything a UK court rules would be enforced here. Theoretically, the UK courts and Ukrainian courts would have to cooperate together to come to an agreement, but then I can't see Ukrainian authorities enforcing anything for someone who is not a citizen. The baby has only US citizenship -- would only get Ukrainian citizenship if one of the parents were Ukrainian.

I think the father is simply engaging in psychological warfare right now and doing/saying everything he can to fear losing my son. But, I will have to get a lawyer involved to be on the safe side. Just will have to save up lots of money first. Meh.

 

[Casey_03]

I'd bust him in the chops no problemo... but "men" like this guy piss me off in a REALLY big way.

I must admit I have fantasized about him getting busted in the chops. He's a bully, plain and simple. Wish I had seen it before I got involved with him. I hate bullies.

 

[Sideways]

Sounds like it was a brilliant move keeping him off the birth certificate, because until he proves paternity, he's really just "some guy" demanding access to your child??

He's been full throttle with the threats from the word go - if it wasn't "I'm gonna get up in your face", then it was the bogus 'cease & desist' crap. But so far, am I right in thinking he hasn't actually spent any money to follow through with any of these threats?

If that's the case, he's going to have to fork out some $$$ to prove his paternity before his threats mean much more than hot air (very unpleasant hot air). You'll get some advance warning if he's going to make a move I'm thinking, because you'll know if he decides to actually front up with some money to prove paternity before much else could happen?

Keep a close eye on bubs for safety, but maybe this is just more threats for the sake of messing with you and making your life miserable...hopefully.

Hope the little fella is sleeping a bit better.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

@Casey_03 . So ugly and horrible for you. No wonder your baby is experiencing discomfort. And you. The legal world unless big money involved moves slowly, other than the critical paperwork for initial process. Find out what paperwork needs to be addressed, form filing etc. to protect the interests of your son and yourself. In my thoughts.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Curious can you apply for a US passport for your child. Realize you may not have a US Embassy - appeal to closest to ask assistance under circumstances.

One parent (with sole custody of the newborn baby)
If only one parent is applying, he must do the following. First it is important to accompany the baby. Second it is important to show documents required. Last, it is important to show evidence of what happened to the other parent. If a written letter from the non-accompanying parent is provided, the letter should be less than 3 months old.

• Appear in person with the newborn baby.
• Sign Form DS-11 in front of an Acceptance Agent.
• Present evidence of sole authority to apply for the new born baby with one of the following:
  • Newborn baby's certified U.S. birth certificate listing only the applying parent.
  • Consular Report of Birth Abroad (Form FS-240) or Certification of Birth Abroad (Form DS-1350) listing only the applying parent
  • Court order granting sole custody to the applying parent (unless child's travel is restricted by that order)
  • Adoption decree (if applying parents is sole adopting parent)
  • Court order specifically permitting applying parent's or guardian's travel with the child
  • Judicial declaration of incompetence of non-applying parent
  • Death certificate of non-applying parent
• If the single parent does not have any of the above documents he will have to submit a form DS-3053 stating why the non-applying parent/guardian's consent is not available or cannot be obtained at the time of the passport application.

 

[Casey_03]

@Changeling Thanks, I think I can get him a passport. At least, the US Embassy said I could. Since the father isn't on the birth certificate, he's not considered a parent or guardian, so I shouldn't need his signature. Really really glad I kept him off the birth certificate. I will have to be sure to get the passport before the father resorts to any legal measures!

 

[ladee]

Sounds like you are calmer today... He is just an ass and is only trying to upset you... but you asked for help, are getting some ideas, and yes, thank God you left his name off the birth certificate... I did the same thing... he didnt want to spend the money to torment me if he could do it for free.... so try not to talk to or listen to him.. at all... Hope Little Man is sleeping better... hugs to both of you !!!