NewDayTomorrow
Silver Member
I've been feeling crazy because it seems like my imagination runs away from me. I had this daymare during a meditation group this week, where someone knocked on my door, I opened it, they had a gun/knife (it changed) and they raped me and then I had to get the police and go to the hospital and call someone to take me home and let me stay the night with them. This all played through my head in about 5-10 min and I didn't even realize I was daydreaming until the very end.
Then today I had a great horseback riding lesson but I had a long ride home. Most of the highways where I live are divided, but I got to a section that was undivided and I was not used to seeing oncoming traffic. So I had this daymare where I got hit head on, went to a hospital, the airbag cracked my sternum and I needed a plate put in, and had to get someone to come visit me after the surgery, and had to figure out sick leave from work and how to take care of myself at home, and this went on and off for about an hour. And it really upset me for a couple hours. It took me a long time to convince myself that I am ok, that this scenario is not real.
I think I am getting scared because a year has gone by since my last breakdown and I've had three of them that were 1-2 years apart, so it feels like the clock is ticking so to speak and something bad is going to happen next, and I cannot handle any more things happening to me, and what a wreck I will be if something happens. But nothing bad has happened in real life! Why am I so afraid?
My doctor recently adjusted my medication to help with my flare up, and I seem to be able to focus better. Though my mind goes awry when nothing is keeping my attention vigorously. My therapist knows I've sometimes imagined various scenarios and she says it is part of integration. She acknowledged that it does feel crazy. And I have to keep sensing my body and staying present. I'm good at this. I just feel so nuts! I feel like somehow I must be enjoying these daydreams, fantasizing about being rescued or something. But I really don't want bad things to happen to me and I just want to think normally! I try to redirect myself when I catch myself doing it but sometimes I get really sucked into it.
Does this happen to anyone else?
Then today I had a great horseback riding lesson but I had a long ride home. Most of the highways where I live are divided, but I got to a section that was undivided and I was not used to seeing oncoming traffic. So I had this daymare where I got hit head on, went to a hospital, the airbag cracked my sternum and I needed a plate put in, and had to get someone to come visit me after the surgery, and had to figure out sick leave from work and how to take care of myself at home, and this went on and off for about an hour. And it really upset me for a couple hours. It took me a long time to convince myself that I am ok, that this scenario is not real.
I think I am getting scared because a year has gone by since my last breakdown and I've had three of them that were 1-2 years apart, so it feels like the clock is ticking so to speak and something bad is going to happen next, and I cannot handle any more things happening to me, and what a wreck I will be if something happens. But nothing bad has happened in real life! Why am I so afraid?
My doctor recently adjusted my medication to help with my flare up, and I seem to be able to focus better. Though my mind goes awry when nothing is keeping my attention vigorously. My therapist knows I've sometimes imagined various scenarios and she says it is part of integration. She acknowledged that it does feel crazy. And I have to keep sensing my body and staying present. I'm good at this. I just feel so nuts! I feel like somehow I must be enjoying these daydreams, fantasizing about being rescued or something. But I really don't want bad things to happen to me and I just want to think normally! I try to redirect myself when I catch myself doing it but sometimes I get really sucked into it.
Does this happen to anyone else?
