Dealing with shame after suicide ideation

[hotmess]

People say think about the good times you had with your loved ones who took there own life I can not even do that it hurts to much memories flashbacks it’s horrible every one deals with losing somebody in different ways me I am just existing now it’s not living anymore

It takes a long time for the good memories to come back. Grief poisons all of them for awhile but eventually you'll be able to think of the good sometimes. My friends suicides were in 2013 and I still feel so much pain but I can definitely think of funny things that they did, and laugh now. Just a little, but it's changing slowly. I have ptsd, and, that's a big problem, but, I can still feel little improvements. I treasure my memories of my friends even though it hurts. I hope you can get to this point too. It's easy to stay stuck in trauma if we don't get help. My therapist has been a huge part of my healing. I'm really really sorry for your loss. No one should have to experience this.