Depression/suicidal Thoughts

[Deleted member 40153]

Hi... I don't mean to put my sob story up and if you don't believe me you aren't the only ones... I've lost all my 'Friends' because an asshole who overheard me crying about this... Told his buddies to shout Forest real name down the hallways and convinced everyone that his pain and his suffering were all just a sick lie I made up. This asshole stole my personal binder with Personal shit in it and told the school about it. My 'Friends' didn't stick up for me and left me and now are watching the trust issues, depression, suicidal fantasies, and social anxiety all form Rihan which is me.:):happy:

All my life my Father (We will call him Stuart) was emotionally abusive... but when I turned eight he got physical. My mother is sick with a condition called Arnold Chiari she rarely gets out of bed and I rarely see her... I was alone. I had friends so when I told them what was going on (I was in fifth grade by now) They went and told the whole school about it... I was harassed and shit. When Stuart found out he sent me away to my grandma's house where he would send me if he was done with me. I was sent there a lot so I had found actual friends, they were more like the family I never had, who were going through the same things I was. I was naive and one of their relatives convinced me to drink and he raped me... When I told BlueJay and Forest (these were their actual nicknames) they kicked his ass into tomorrow for me. I went home and endured Stuarts and my peers wrath and survived all while still in contact with they people I considered family. Jeremiah, Coraline, Ashley, Forest, Tyler, and Jay... They were so sweet all of them as I grew older; Me and Forest started talking one on one... And feelings developed and we ending up dating after knowing each other for six months. He was always known as a womanizer so he constantly cheated on me and we fought A LOT he would never tell me why he would do this to me over and over again. Until One day we were on face time when I heard yelling and stuff breaking then he hung up. He didn't reply for two days until I finally got a text from Jay saying he was in the hospital. I couldn't bear the thought of not having him there with me. On the third day I got a test saying -sorry- all I could think of is why he didn't tell me everything. So I asked and found out that he was being Sexually, Physically, Emotionally abused by his mother and father (plus the step parents didn't know what was going on) since he was two. His little brother always called him Dad because to Tyler, Forest was the only thing that he had left to call family. On March 21 I received a box from him when I opened it there was a ring with a note that said face time me. When he answered and realized I had the ring he proposed to me. That was the best day of my life. After many ups and downs in the relationship the next year on April 26th 2016 Forest took his life... The pain was too much he couldn't handle what his parents did to him...

I saw pictures of his body... So much blood... and Too this day I still can't open the letter he wrote...
All the memories we shared and no matter how many people leave me behind only to watch their fading figures I will always remember his smile and how he changed my life forever... and how much I'm willing to take my life just to see that smile again...

 

[Friday]

Told his buddies to shout Forest real name down the hallways and convinced everyone that his pain and his suffering were all just a sick lie I made up.

Am I understanding right that you outed someone else's physical & sexual abuse, & in doing so lost them as a friend?

 

[Deleted member 40153]

I was talking to My Friend Autumn the day of his death and this dude overheard and completely wrecked my life because he convinced them all i was an attention whore and a liar and much more and then everyone took his side and yeah

They were convinced by an asshole that i was untrustworthy and all this other BS. This was the day of his death so i was a wreck and The asshole overheard

 

[Deleted member 40153]

Okay i should explain better...
The asshole stole my binder which had information about me and others written down in it that were supposed to be kept secret.
Then decided to shout his name down the hallways and spread rumors which were really awful.
The people i hung out with heard the rumors and comments going around and took his side.

 

[Killashandra]

Hi Rihan


I'm so,sorry for all the things that have happened in your life, and I can understand why you feel that way,my brother lost his girl because of an ex that made her feel like life wasn't worth living anymore and played mind games with her. She took her life My brother is fighting a daily struggle to keep himself alive, he has attempted to take his life a number of times now.. unfortunately he also has PTSD from our Mothers abuse.

The most important piece of information I can give you is don't let that wall get too strong. You know the wall I'm talking of.

The best part about this forum is we understand each person has a truth, a life, that most people would think is poppy cock but it's not. It's OUR truth Our suffering so don't worry about not being believed.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Well, what you went through really sucks, loosing anyone to suicide is a tough deal. However when we loose a person we often idealize that person too.
I was abused too, during childhood, during marriage and later on by multiple stalkers. But not once did I ever cheat, not even on my abusive husband.

Of course there are different types of abuse out there and there are people who will abuse after they have been abused. But just a gentle reminder that if that person did cheat on you, well that was a part of reality too. You did not deserve to be cheated on, regardless of what that person had to endure. We often make excuses for the behavior of others and identify with their pain so much that we literally forget what we deserve and we literally forget to live our own life and get swallowed up in someone else's life and pain. It is easy especially if you are a person with a lot of empathy. I had empathy with my abusers too, listened to their sob stories until they almost killed me........ just saying.....