Suicidal Thoughts and Relationships

[triptych]

Since my partner and I got together (three ish years ago) I have had significantly fewer bouts of suicidal thoughts. However, I have recently been finding myself having thoughts that if we ever broke up I would kill myself/the only reason I don’t want to kill myself is my partner.

Obviously, I know this is a terrible thought pattern to be in but I don’t know how to get out of it (especially as I feel/fear it is true). I guess part of me wishes we were broken up so I could indulge these thoughts more. I don’t want to tell my partner about these thoughts as it feels very manipulative to discuss them. We are very happy together (outside of PTSD things which are difficult) but I don’t know how to deal with how much my suicidal ideation has become tied to our relationship.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? Should I be worried about these thoughts/talk to my partner about them?

 

[Movingforward10]

Should I be worried about these thoughts/talk to my partner about them?

It's really hard talking about these thoughts to people. I get the resistance. Not wanting them to worry. Not wanting to put responsibility on them. Not wanting to burden them with this.

But....if we want the thoughts to change then we have to do something different to make that change happen.

And connecting to our partner and sharing with them what is happening for us can really help. Maybe it's more about how you say it?

Does it come naturally to you to share your feelings and thoughts with your partner? Most of us on here it doesn't. But we can learn to do it.
I did. After talking to my T about SI first and then building up to telling my partner and my close friends. It helped to build a safety net, realise I am loved, increased my sense of self worth. Etc.

 

[deno]

Since my partner and I got together (three ish years ago) I have had significantly fewer bouts of suicidal thoughts. However, I have recently been finding myself having thoughts that if we ever broke up I would kill myself/the only reason I don’t want to kill myself is my partner.

Obviously, I know this is a terrible thought pattern to be in but I don’t know how to get out of it (especially as I feel/fear it is true). I guess part of me wishes we were broken up so I could indulge these thoughts more. I don’t want to tell my partner about these thoughts as it feels very manipulative to discuss them. We are very happy together (outside of PTSD things which are difficult) but I don’t know how to deal with how much my suicidal ideation has become tied to our relationship.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? Should I be worried about these thoughts/talk to my partner about them?

I hear you. It’s really tough when your sense of stability feels completely tied to another person. The fact that you recognize this pattern says a lot about your self-awareness, and that’s an important step.

Feeling like your partner is the only reason you’re here is a heavy weight to carry, and it makes sense that you’re struggling with it. It’s not that your relationship is bad; it’s that they’ve become your anchor. But that puts all your emotional safety in someone else’s hands, and you deserve to feel like your life has meaning beyond any relationship.

If you have access to a therapist, this would be a good thing to talk through. If not, even small steps toward finding things that bring you purpose—just for you—can help shift this mindset. It doesn’t have to be big. Even little things that remind you of yourself outside of the relationship can help.

As for telling your partner, I get why that feels tricky. You don’t want them to feel responsible for fixing this, and I think framing it as, “I’ve been struggling with some heavy thoughts, and I want to work on finding more stability in myself,” could help. It lets them in without putting pressure on them.

You’re not alone in this. It’s okay to be struggling, but you deserve a life that feels worth living—no matter what happens in your relationship.

 

[Friday]

I use those kinds of things as an early warning system. Something that lets me know there’s an imbalance, too much weight on one point, not enough diversity/passion/safety-nets… when all of my everything, is focused on one person or thing.

Adding MORE into my life? Doesn’t diminish that which is still the most important to me. Not a molecule. They/it, still absolutely are. Adding MORE into my life, makes ME more badass, stronger, faster, more capable….NOT them less awesome, less important, less amazing.

It’s a me-thing. Needing to shore up my own strengths.
Not a them-thing.

 

[deno]

This really resonates with me. It took me a long time to recognize when my life was out of balance, when too much of my energy was wrapped up in one person, one relationship, or even one goal. I used to think that if I just focused harder, tried more, or did better, things would work out. But I’ve learned that putting everything on one point—without enough diversity, passion, or safety nets—only left me vulnerable when that one thing shifted.

I had to start seeing imbalance as an early warning system, not as a failure but as a signal that I needed to strengthen my own foundation. Adding more to my life—more interests, more connections, more independence—didn’t take away from what I loved. It actually made me stronger, more capable, more grounded. It didn’t make anyone or anything else less important. It just meant I wasn’t left standing on shaky ground when something inevitably changed.

I really appreciate how you framed this. It’s not about needing less of something that matters. It’s about making sure that when life throws its punches, we have enough stability in ourselves to stand our ground. That’s a shift I’ve been working on too, and it’s changed everything for me.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I have done the same thing with my wife. My whole identity and emotional wellbeing was recklessly placed in her control and now that the marriage is most likely over I feel empty, life seems meaningless. I don’t blame her, I am the one who foolishly did this.

On the SI, I held off telling my wife for years. I did talk to my doc when it first started and I had a full suicide workup done at the Mayo Clinic. My mother committed suicide so I naturally at higher risk. I think the real reason I monitor the SI so closely is that I have lived my whole adult life with the burden of my mother’s suicide. I don’t want to do that to my kids. As far as telling my wife I felt like it would be coercive. I finally did tell her after I started my deep dive in the ptsd healing journey.