Did childhood trauma leave you feeling like you're a freak?

[AnD]

feeling of being subhuman or superhuman

Yes, precisely.
I used to think that I was a space alien placed as a sleeper agent. So I collected info on the human behavior. Still waiting for that call...

It is very hard feeling different. Especially since I used to get punished for it.

 

[Rani G2]

I find this very hard to overcome.
I've managed to overcome a lot of it, throughout years of trauma therapy.

But a big chunk of it still remains.
This feeling that I'm an absolute freak and once everyone finds out, I'll be ostracised.

Just wondering if this is a common feeling for people who have experienced (especially childhood) trauma?

I can relate to „once everyone finds out.....“
For me it’s specifically = I am a weak, worthless, bad human being, someone should punish me.
Still, I believe that there are humans out there who will haunt me down because I have deserved it.

There was a time and place where I /dissociative part believed that one of my caregivers actually did love me, and that his actions were an act of love. To be loved and have his/their support I must be good. I fail and I am bad... they must punish me! At some point one realizes that there is no Love and support, no matter how hard one tries. I feel there is an ongoing battle between parts that are in constant fear/ those who are never trusting and those who still believe that if I was good enough things would’ve been different(The love-acceptance seeking parts). Still dissecting and doing some X-rays here and there...

They never accepted me, so I gave them different varieties of myself, to me and to the others... that does come with a high price though.