Disassociated and Distressed

[AnxiousAmber]

Morning/Evening,

I have spent the last seven months in the grips of a nervous breakdown. This wasn't helped by my self coping mechanism of alcohol - which is finally out of the picture. During this time I remember maybe one or two days as even on days when I wasn't drinking I just wasn't on planet earth.

I'll write more at some other point but I have just found out after looking at my credit card statement that I spent £50 on a Gambling Game and my simple response is WTF....

I don't gamble, I don't even play the lottery. Sometimes it feels as though someone else has taken over my body and I have left the building.

I had some sort of EPIC reality break about three months ago. I had been sober for three days and was on my way to the Chemist to pick up a prescription for a hiking trip when someone I didn't recognise followed me and called my name. It felt threatening so I took my gentle Collie by the lead and legged it to the Chemist. I collapsed in floods of tears shaking like a leaf.

There were people staring at me and laughing outside the Chemist so we went inside. I insisted on taking my dog with me and said that he was my therapy dog (he isn't). Some other total stranger also threatened me outside the Chemist mid panic attack at which point I went utterly GAGA.

I asked for a private room to hide in and I called my Partner who I couldn't get through to so I called the police and asked them to send someone to help me get home. There was no way I was in a fit state to walk home and I felt concerned as I live in a rather unpleasant area. I've had people throw eggs at my home because of my mental illnesses.

I then thought I could hear people singing some awful song about how hundreds were coming to kill me. Then I decided I was on TV, I remember all of this clearly. The Chemist became rather concerned at my erratic behaviour and also called the police.

They came eventually and CLEARLY didn't believe me when I said that someone had threatened me (they had, I've been punched in the face in this area before for no reason other than someone decided they don't like someone with mental illnesses).

Luckily my partner turned up and managed to get me home safely. When we got home I completely left planet earth. I entered some sort of alternative universe where I had to solve some strange puzzle to save the world so I walked around in circles headbutting doors. My partner took me upstairs and put me in the bath to try to calm me down a bit. I wouldn't get out of the bath so he went to bed. I eventually joined him and (this I vaguely remember) and I spent about an hour telling him that we didn't need the complicated things in life and that all we needed was each other and our three dogs. I then slept for 12 hours. My partner was very gentle with me in the morning and asked me what I could remember, eventually after a few minutes it started coming back to me.

I have been aware of losing a few minutes, hours, days and even weeks in the past where I seem to lose reality for a while, others can understand me I just don't remember anything. I wonder if anyone else has ever had a reality break like this?

AAx

 

[ellisael]

Hi, AnxiousAmber, firstly you are so brave and wonderful to share your experience in this manner. I often dissociate too, thought i cant comment on the intensity as I am often too immersed to have an objective evaluation of the same. I have been educating myself and practising some breathing methods which have proven to be quite useful. I'd be happy to share them with you! Also do read chapter 4 on this really Psych intro book by Halpern called Psych 5

 

[AnxiousAmber]

Hi Ellisael,

Thank you for responding. Isn't it nice to know we're not alone when it comes to losing track of things.

I disassociate when I am nervous too and I have had people come up to me who seem to know me and I have NO recollection of EVER having talked to them.

Please do share the breathing techniques I am open to anything. Xx

 

[Ronin]

Square breathing (in fours) for one.

But for starters anything that lets you slow down your breathing, calm for a sec and clear your head.

I was under the impression we had one article on breathing in the Articles section, either I'm not seeing it or my bad, but very sure if you search for breathing techniques or breathing + anxiety you will find something.

Can I ask if you're medicated for how scary reality is / have people help out with that, other than your partner? Glad they are there for you, more people just might be more help, if they're not already.

 

[joeylittle]

Hi, @AnxiousAmber - I'm sorry to hear about your experience, it sounds frightening.

You mentioned this:

I've had people throw eggs at my home because of my mental illnesses.

Can you share with us what you've been diagnosed with?

 

[ellisael]

In addition to the breathing steps that @Ronin mentioned, a focused breathing for couple of minutes can also help in grounding. What i usually do is set a timer for 5 minutes and try to follow the air through my nostrils to my chest and back out. It is like visualizing sketches of coloured pathways. I also try and name the things around me and the physiological symptoms like palpitations and sweatiness out loud.