Disastrous Weekend

[Sergio]

I am new to the forum. Thank you to everyone on here. I am learning quite a bit about this affliction.

I have been recently diagnosed by my T with PTSD. This manifests itself quite vociferously with my wife. I have also realized that the PTSD is now shifting from my childhood issues to issues with my wife. All of this is creating extreme problems and is destroying our marriage. We have no sex life. I have spent all of our money on therapy, gifts for her, trips for her, etc. She keeps pushing me to give her emotional support. I am not capable of giving her emotional support. I can barely keep myself going. She does not seem to be able to understand this. Last week, in a fit of rage, she struck me with her closed fist on the side of my head. This only served to increase my PTSD with her. She kept pushing and pushing me. She would not leave me alone. Finally, in a fit of rage, I picked her up by her neck and moved her aside. I have never ever laid a hand on a woman. The PTSD put me into a spot where I had to physically act out. I hate her and myself for having to do this. It was purely out of self-defense. Now, I can not get this incident out of my head.

Last night, she screamed my name to get my attention. Hearing her scream immediately sent me to PTSD land. I had to make lunch for my son and wound up using the wrong lettuce and wrong lunch meat. Of course, she lost it on me. I simply could not even focus on the task. She threw things around the kitchen. I had to just retreat and leave to the bedroom where I lay in the fetal position. She apologized for laying in to me. Too late. Deep in PTSD land.

I think that I am close to the end of my rope. Today is tax day. I could not even figure out how to post on here. Thank you Anthony for the tutorial. I am so mentally exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open.

I think that I am going to move out and be by myself for a while. Thankfully, I have an appointment with my therapist this afternoon. I seem to be unable to rationalize through a plan. Please feel free to offer any insight.

 

[Reclusive]

Sergio, that's terrible... it sounds like you and your wife need to work through quite a bit before you can really live together. I hope your appointment goes well today and gives you some perspective. I think that moving out may be a very healthy idea as it seems your wife is on a hair-trigger too. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this.

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Sergio, welcome to the forum.

I think honestly, that when things start getting physically abusive on both sides perhaps one of you needs to leave the family home for a day or 2, so you can both calm down. PTSD is a horrible illness and sufferers, spouses and close family all suffer. I'm pleased to hear you have T. I'm sure your wife would benefit from support too.

All I can suggest right now, is whatever happens, try to keep some lines of communication going with your wife and son (and any other children). Get as much support from your therapist as possible, and encourage your wife to seek support too, from a therapist. You are both in danger of physically hurting each other, and this should not be taken lightly. Do whatever you need to, to keep everyone safe.

Read the articles here, and learn all you can about PTSD. Maybe at some point, you could suggest you're wife read/join here too. PTSD doesn't just affect you, it affects her too, so the more she understands, the better.

You don't say what caused your PTSD, although you allude to childhood issues. Keep working through your issues with your T, and try to remember all the reasons that you married her. You can get through this, either together or apart, but please don't hurt each other in the process.

 

[ronin47]

Moving out for a few days is the best course of action at this point. Honestly you should've left the moment your wife struck you. If you are becoming physically violent with eachother then you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, need to give one another some space and time to breath. Please also recommend to your wife that she get some counseling as well or at least try to read up and get educated on PTSD. It may be hard to move out, but I gaurantee you it is an infinitely better alternative for everyone involved than staying in the situation as it is right now.

 

[Sergio]

Update.... She decided to give me some breathing space since that incident. I have also gone through a very productive EMDR/hypnosis session with my therapist. It has greatly reduced the symptoms. I was at the end of my rope. I highly recommend EMDR. It very quickly diffused the feelings that I associate with PTSD. I think that this mode of treatment will be very effective for me.

Thank you for everyone's support.

 

[Reclusive]

I'm really glad that you've found something that works for you. Keep at it and it should make a world of difference.