Dissociated Memory-System Staying Long Time After Trauma

[Cthulhu]

I don't know how to better label it- when experiencing a trauma memories of it may dissociate, one may suppress it almost completely for a more or less long time. That's totally normal.
But what when all of one's memories keep dissociating, even in times where life is totally ok and the last trauma has happened years ago? May this be related to (C)PTSD as well? In a way that the brain hasn't found its way back to a normal memory-function after several traumata and just stayed the way it was? Can anybody here relate to that?

I'm asking because that's exactly my problem and I hardly ever found a single person with a similar disorder or whatever it is (Recently I found one who got traumatized, too). I don't know if I was born in this or if experiences made me that way... Which could be kind of important because I think one may be curable and the other won't.

 

[Dot Warner]

Hallo Cthulhu,

I lost almost entirely my memory when I was 20. I lost memories and everything I had been learning over the years (and it was a lot of stuff), included english language (I am not english mother tongue). And I have had problems of short, middle and long term memory for 15 years.

You can imagine that my mental capabilities have been almost nothing during these years.

2-3 years ago I have began to rembember the past and at the same time my memory problems have began to diminuish.

I am not good now, I am very limited still.

I don't know if I can heal, I really hope so!!!

See you.

 

[Cthulhu]

I hope for you, too :). In a way it may be that something similar happened to me at age 16. I don't actively remember any knowledge I gathered before, may it be from school or elsewhere. I'm going to evening school and am surprised from time to time that I remember really nothing ;). It's not the long time, I think. It was the same at age 19 or so.

 

[Dot Warner]

I have lived the same from 20 to 33, more o less.
I am better now.
But all the time passed like this is very frustrating.

Anyway, let's hope to stay better. :)

See you.

 

[Steve]

Hi Cthulhu,

Thankyou for posting this. I like you did not think I would ever meet anyone with quite this symptom. I have CPTSD and as I have said in my posts other things that I dont understand, That is all I can generally say about it. My memory jumps arround because of the length of my trauma. My whole past seems to exist as barely recalled cloudy stories that could even be someone else but I experience intence detailed memory of certain events, then I cant quite recall them again but have the same experience with other memories. I always remember just enough to know they are there though and get some emotions from them that I really dont want. Right now I am having trouble and hearing from my T that the memories are coming too fast and unbidden so she is trying to slow it down.

As far as cure goes I dont know. I cant see cure or not for conditions I dont understand and you gotta love the way the T's are real vague about the getting better thing but they tell me they are confident that we can have some decent quality of life after therapy. That is a bit hard for me to swallow but I go on trying. I shall endeavour to keep you posted if you find this remotely relavent to you.

be well !

Steve

 

[Cthulhu]

Hi Steve,

yes, I'd really to hear news from you if something changes. Your're in therapy so you're the one of us to who has better chances to heal I think ;). I can't really imagine how it would be to have a 'normal' memory system but think it would be a good thing.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Cthulhu,

I disassociate all of the time. Even when things are going well as too much "good" stress can trigger the same reaction. I don't know if everything or anything is ever recovered, but I am working on lifestyle changes and skills that will reduce it now and in the future.

Hope this helps.

ITL

 

[Kendra]

I dissociate a lot, too. I find that it is very hard to concentrate and study for school when I’m dissociating. Sometimes I’m dissociating less and can still function pretty normally (at least normal enough for me), and other times I dissociate a lot and it is very hard to concentrate and talk with other people. Is it harder to communicate with others when you’re dissociating more than usual?


Whenever I am exposed to something new I start dissociating automatically. When I go to stores that I have never been to before my dissociation gets worse. When we start to learning a new topic at school my dissociation gets worse.

Changes make me dissociate more, too. Just taking a different pathway to school or back home will make my dissociation worse.

 

[Kintsugi]

Is it harder to communicate with others when you’re dissociating more than usual

Hi Kendra, the type of dissociation you all seem to be talking about is pretty foreign to me, but I understand the above really well. When I dissociate, all of my senses leave me. Hearing people talk right next to me is like hearing a low buzz in my head that's scratching at the underside of my skin, disturbing me as if I were trying to sleep and couldn't cognitively grasp language. It's almost impossible to talk. The movement of opening and closing my mouth is excruciating and laborious, and forming words to express myself is a torturous and futile experience. Sometimes I can barely see what is in front of me. This used to often be followed by vivid flashbacks and regression, then hysteria and impulsive self-destruction. I'm not recommending this, but since I started smoking I can usually stop myself from dissociating this far. As soon as I feel it's becoming hard to move or hear or feel or talk, I light up and concentrate on the bodily sensation of the smoke filling my lungs. In other words, finding an anchor has made focusing on reality easier. Gum and other casual things that will focus you on reality may help with focusing on conversation. After I start smoking and reconnect with my body, I generally start talking about something as soon as possible to engage myself in communication so as not to lose it. Yesterday I asked a car of close friends who had been silent too long--I was beginning to dissociate in the silence--what superhero they would be if they could been any of them. This is an easy way to begin communication for me.

Good luck.

 

[Cthulhu]

Is it harder to communicate with others when you’re dissociating more than usual?

Sure, it is.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Ct,

I may not have the same experince and may be misunderstanding but My whole life up until a few years ago is like a dream that I cant remember and for way after my traumas; then remember parts and then they are gone. Do have some definate memories but could not tell what came before what.
I eventually painstakingly wrote down everything I could find out with dates to have some sense of solidity.

I eventually relaised that I was almost always at least a bit dissociated and believe it is that. I do have a three year period which is totally gone.

The way I understand it dissociation becomes a default coping method and that is when it continues to be such a problem. But that it is something treatable.
Do you believe this is dissociative or are you thinking something else?