Do I Return To My Psychotherapist Of Ten Years?

[Amy Jo]

I could really use some help on this one. I was seeing my psychotherapist for ten years, ten years of dealing with how the trauma effected/changed my personality/selfhood/identity, along with underlying bipolar disorder. From the time I hit 20 and my bio father died from drinking (wasn't part of my life) my mental illnesses/disorders came into the light (before that I was on the fast track to destruction). I started seeing my "T" then and when we worked on so much, I re-raised myself for example, I really feel like she was preparing me for PTSD and preparing me to see beyond it when it hit--all about perspective. I had alot of issues with my mother who knew my stepfather (me-5 years old) was abusing me but she did'n't know he was sexually, though she perhaps should've since he raped her...and she married him. I have a lot of issues with my mother. Sexual abuse began again when i was 16 and i went to her for help (my mother) and she believed him and threatened me not to tell anyone. She abandoned me again and I was the "bad child" as they told my whole family I was just a rotten teen who rebelled. Anyway. My "T" used to see my mother before she saw me. But she had me for ten years. She began, towards the end, (when my PTSD was full-blown with psychotic features and I was in and out of the bin) she wasw telling me shame on me for being angry with her and treating her the way I was/did (whcih didn't make sense to me because I never in the end talked about my mother by about me), and how angry she was with me for how we (my sisters and I) treated my mother. I was so upset I didn't know what to do. I felt like she turned on me, she was PISSED. And why? So I stopped seeing her....she also didn't hold much stock in my vague memories of the sexual abuse (dissociative amnesia I guess, whatever), she wanted to avoid talkling about my memories, she brushed them off and wanted to talk metaphorically and with anecdotes and with what kind of woman I had the power of becoming. What about dealing with/reprocessing the memories to get them out of my system? She wasn't having it. So I quit seeing her.
...and I miss her desperately. She knew me like no one else. Ten years. I could tell her all this and say i want to go ahead with EMDR but VALIDATE ME! I started seeing this new therapist and he's up front and honest and said it'll be awhile before he does EMDR cuz he doesn't know me and doesn't want to send me back to the hospital. And with him I feel like I'm in conrtol of my therapy, not this young girl idolizing her "T". ??? I ran into her today and cried and she hugged me and hugged me.

 

[Addy]

Since you asked... no I would not return to your original T. 10 years is a LONG time to be seeing the same therapist. Not to mention that she is blaming you for the way you are treating your mother? How dare she? And she doesn't want to process any memories of abuse with you either? I'd say you're much better off seeing how things progress with the new T. I also agree with the new T, that EMDR would be premature until he knows you better and knows you will be stable. A fresh set of eyes (the new T) and different treatment method could be the best thing for you. Best of luck!

 

[ronin47]

Ten years is indeed a long time to be seeing one therapist. I've seen three different therapists in the past three years and I really don't think any one of them was "better" than the others but rather that they were like apples and oranges. A new therapist may be able to fill in the gaps that you may feel you were missing with your other T. The fact that you two are so close and familiar may add a dynamic to your relationship that impedes your ability to progress in therapy. Also, obviously you can't take it back now, but I don't recommend seeing the same therapist as another family member unless you are specifically doing couples therapy or something of that nature.

The level of indignation and emotion that your T expressed about your relationship with your mother was definately inappropriate. At the same time, you are responsible for your own behavior. Your mother doesn't make you act in any way or do anything. Her treatment of you was unequivocally unjust, but she has no more power over you than you have power over her.

At this point you and your old T have too much baggage, there is no reason for you to not continue to care for each other, but the unique client-therapist relationship between the two of you has in my opinion been compromised and it's in your best interests to move on from it.