Do I Suffer From PTSD?

[paranoidone]

Hello ptsdforum.org,

I am an 18 year old male who is currently in college and I think I might have post traumatic stress disorder. When I was 12 years old I was touched sexually by a love one, which I still question if it was abusive or not. Later when I was 16 I was admitted to a mental hospital and they told me I had PTSD and suffered from aspergers (a mild form of Autism).

During the period between 12 and 16 I had several anger outburst at my parents and yelled horrible things at them that I not only regret but am haunted by the memories. Which leads me to my question, is being haunted, for a lack of a better word, PSTD or another mental problem?

When I close my eyes or look in the mirror I see all of the events in my past, normally traumatic. Sometimes sexual in nature but other times I see myself yelling at my family members, old class mates etc. I can see them yelling at me and I can't force the memories out of my head, I normally have to listen to music or bash my head against the wall to make them go away.

Are these vivid memories that haunt me normal for some one diagnosed with PSTD? And how can I get rid of them?

I am not taking any kind of meds currently although I was on some kind of pill that was suppose to "calm" me down. I have Docters actually that want me on meds but I refuse to take them.

 

[Nicolette]

Hi Paranoidone and welcome to the forum.

I don't think anyone here is qualified to diagnose you as having PTSD and even if they were qualified I don't think they can tell from one post. Some people on here may identify with what you are saying but ultimately you need to get a professional assessment done if you really want to know.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Welcome to the forum!!! I encourage you to seek some type of therapy. Either at school or from the mental health community.

Please, when you see the images, DON'T smash your head on a wall. Learn some healthy coping skills, go for a walk, exercise, do deep breathing, sit quietly and listen to the world, anything but do not hurt yourself.......

You are worth more than that.......

Be safe!!!!

 

[cyndi]

Welcome to the forum! As the others have said, I would get a professional opinion. While I don't believe in placing 100% faith in the doctors, I would look for one you can trust (good qualifications, recommended) and consider their advice. If you don't want to take meds, discuss it and why head on with them and see if they have some alternatives like a meditation program, yoga, intensive therapy, etc. Sometimes you just have to take the meds. I too am resistant but will also exhaust all other options and sometimes realize it is what's needed for the time to get myself to the next better place. Klonopin is my friend now and I can see how it has helped me in tangible ways. I am also aware that I don't want to stay on it so trying to get myself more emtionally healthy so I can wean off of it at some point. If I hadn't been taking it, I couldn't even consider those healthier options...does that make sense?
Hugs. You're not alone.

 

[UmightKnowMe]

welcome and ((hugs)) to you. Are you currently working with a therapist? Even if you don't end up going with medication or end up finding out PTSD is your diagnosis I would say that therapy can help sort things out and you can learn new skills to cope with distressing thoughts and memories and feelings.

My son has Aspergers so I am a bit familiar with it. He has had some times in his life where he had outbursts of anger and frustration and yes he did yell some hurtful things and he did act out physically with us (his parents) and even some of his friends. He is not generally an angry, mean or hurtful person so once his outburst is over he does feel a HUGE amount of regret and shame for the things he said or did. He is physically large and strong too so it makes him sad to think that others may be frightened of him. He has been working with his therapist for 5 years now and has learned SO many things about how to handle his emotions and how to interpret things that go on around him at school and with his friends. He understands that he needs to learn these things just like he needs to learn how to do Algebra from his math teacher and he applies himself seriously. He does not feel ashamed of his Aspergers, in fact he says he would not want to be 'cured'. We are very open about it and he knows that we understand that the things he said were said in the midst of a large out of control time and that he didnt mean them. We dont hold them against him, and he doesnt need to beat himself up over them. His successes now are what we focus on.

As far as hitting your head to get rid of the images in your mind. I would say that you can't really get rid of a thought....because your brain isnt a vacuum. The way to remove something from your consciousness is to REPLACE it with something else. So...you need to come up with a memory or mental image that is not distressing and anxiety and shame provoking and have it at the ready for when you find the unwanted thoughts hanging around. Put all your mindpower into that thought and you wont have any attention left for the other and it will just get pushed out of the way. That is kind of what you are doing when you listen to music....so you are on the right track already!