Do we tell bf or gf that we have ptsd? or not?

[WhiteHatGirl]

Ok, so I wasn't admitting I had PTSD up until now. I kept putting the idea out of my head(yes denail isn't just a river), and acted pretty weird on many occasions!
I'm interested in pushing for a relationship with somone.
He has been through a lot.
I've attracted several men whom act like they have PTSD too.
*Even my x husband.(we bounced off of one another like pinballs, OMG).

I guess it is up to us individually...but I'd me more open to telling this person than the other person that I was hoping to be with for the rest of my life(but we've never gotten together).

Maybe we just all have to guage whether or not we think the other can handle that truth?

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @WhiteHatGirl... I think you will know when to tell... When things are getting serious?...

I feel you are right though... About trusting your instincts.. Good luck....

 

[EveHarrington]

Yes, you tell them.

When is up you you.

Keeping such a profound thing hidden isn’t fair to a partner.

 

[Friday]

I never really did.

Didn't know, then it wasn't an issue for a decade.

Now that I know? AND it's an issue? I'd consider telling someone -who doesn't already know- at the same point of discussing kids & other "this is a serious relationship we're considering taking long term, if where we want to go in life and what we want out of life is reconcilable". Haven't had any of those, since my divorce.

The "who doesn't already know" piece? Shrug. Sometimes things come up with someone on day 1, or just casually, or as a byproduct of whatever circumstance. Some of my best relationships have had all cards on the table since day 1. As have some of my worst. Some of my best relationships have also taken years of getting to know people, slowly, across multiple environments. Point being, I don't have a divining rod for this shit. So many damn variables are at play. But if I'm considering telling someone something important? I have a general timeframe for that. It's when we're discussing other important things, related to making a go of it, rather than simply having a go.

 

[WhiteHatGirl]

What I know personally is that family and others who have not had trauma exposure and do not identify with having any kind of response(meaninful) such as PTSD/Anxiety/Depression, they have often DENIED my reality to me. Thus if I tell a new date, I'll be very hypervigilant and fearful that he will say, "You don't know what abuse is,......." and make sick comparisons, discounting my experience as valid(I guess I'm afraid I will be treated as my family treated me). Or my x(I'm divorced for 10 years now. It's like another reason to become abused for them to pick on me about or mistreat me or call me too sensitive, etc... over. I am so sick of attracting people like this into my life, who are capable of this sort of abuse.

 

[Faketan]

Yes 100% tell them.

You need and deserve someone who will support you. You are worth love and care.

If the person isn’t willing they are not for you and you will save yourself a lot of pain.