I dreamed that I said something racist about Paris Hilton in the back of a taxi (had been watching The Letterman Show before going to bed, and she came on to speak about her role in a new movie). I had said it to someone in the back of the taxi, and the taxi driver slammed on the breaks, climbed into the back, sat on my lap (he kind of shrank it seemed to fit in the back, to fit in with wmat my mind considers a reasonably body size to be able to do that) and he put a gun in my face directly and asked "What did you say? Say it again!" I had also thought about an incident that occured with my mother before falling asleep. I was having lucid imagery before drifting off, and it sparked some memories - not long forgotten ones, just things that deeply disturb me.
It would appear that I am disturbed by my mother, paris hilton, and taxi drivers. I've given it some real thought, and I do have these prejudices. The issues with my mother relate to her having put a gun in my face at age 14, because I was doing too well at school. She said if I don't fail, she'll kill me. I stepped up to the gun, and she ran off crying. I don't know why I reacted that way, except that she had pointed it at my crotch, and I would rather she didn't shoot me there (I believed she would do it there and then, though it was just a threat).
I think what disturbs me about Paris, is that she acts down, so to speak: she plays "the dumbass". She's really quite bright.
How taxi drivers come into it, I'm not quite sure, but it could be to do with the fact that they overhear personal conversations, combined with the fact that a we have had a taxi driver in our city assault several women, and when I was comming to this city I had to rely on a taxi, and I was fearful of the driver. He had rum in the car, he was drunk, and sleazy. I had stayed through a trip in which he sropped off two younger girls to two different locations (because I wanted to make sure they got there safe), then I was alone with him, and he suggested I payed in a different manner than cash, because I didn't realise how big the fare was, and I knew I couldn't afford to eat over the next few days if I gave him the cash. Determined not to let him take advantage, I gave him the appropriate fare, and got out, and was safe (fortunately).
I think if he didn't give me the cash he may have assaulted me, and used the alcohol as an excuse. I've experienced this form of abure before.
I'm not afraid of taxis though, I'm just afraid of drunk taxi drivers. But I preffer not to go in taxis alone, because of what has been happening in remote areas of the suburbs to women, young and old.
There's more to this, but my mind is fogging up, I need a break.
