Does anyone else become the 'creature from hell' after having a good day?

[Agatha]

Ok; positive thing is that I do manage to have good days now.

Not so positive is that the day after a good day is inversely proportional to how good the day was. So Good day= bad next day.

Really good day (like wonderful day out Saturday) = horrendous screaming harpie woman destroys her own birthday (Sunday).

Does this ring any bells with anyone else?

Now I'm left feeling crap that I ruined my birthday, crap that my son saw his parents screeching most of the day, crap cos I ended up near unconscious on the bathroom floor due to self-sabotaging and not eating thus inducing a hypoglycemic faint.

 

[Ronin]

Hey, you had a positive day *and* then you've held on through a terrible day.

You're also still working on it. You're aware enough to know it *needs* being worked on.
Where I'm standing? Those are good things, in the long run.

 

[Agatha]

Thankyou i needed to hear that. I just feel so embarrassed about how i behaved yesterday. I hate who I become when I'm out of control. I've spent the whole day in bed today as I've utterly exhausted myself. But you're right I'm still here.

 

[Ronin]

I hate who I become when I'm out of control.

That's a sign of being IN control though.

You can differentiate in & out of it well enough, even enough to hate yourself for it.
Meaning most of the time? You're having it. & That you can heal from not having it.

 

[Lady Moonlight]

I too tend to have extra bad days after very good days. I always try to be careful how emotionally "high" I get because the happier the emotions, the worse the crash comes. And I never know quite when it will. I'm sure it has to do with chemical imbalances. But I try to keep everything in perspective and neutral so as not to have the extremes.
Hope this helps!

And I agree that you're doing well simply because you are aware and can differentiate. Keep hanging in there!

 

[Agatha]

I always try to be careful how emotionally "high" I get because the happier the emotions, the worse the crash comes.

This seems very wise advice indeed. For a long time clinicians thought I was bi-polar cos of the highs and lows. When I get a good day I just want to embrace and get totally hyper. It's a good idea to focus my wellbeing on both the highs and lows. Why do you think there is such a crash after the good days??

 

[whiteraven]

I came online tonight to write about this very thing and saw your thread. I wasn't sure if the high/low thing, or having really bad spells (for me, they are outbursts of anger or rage at very small things, like something that comes across as a perception of disregard or a feeling of being unsafe) was a part of the PTSD or not. I have been feeling it a lot lately, and was feeling very crazy.

I know exactly what you mean about having a good day (or, in some cases, couple of hours), then all-of-a-sudden, something happens and *boom*, it's all ruined. Has happened to me repeatedly over the last month. Not sure how to fix it, though.

Wishing you the best. Will continue to keep an eye on this thread, and check in periodically.

 

[Leighlee87]

Not sure if this is the same, but I tend to do this but not as quickly. Have several good days, and then a few bad days where I can't get out of bed and the anxiety is awful. My therapist and I discussed it. Basically on good days, I try to do it all. These emotional crashes force me to take a break that I otherwise wouldn't allow myself. So the trick is to take some "me time" each day without focusing on all the things that need to get done: so a bubble bath, curling up with a good book, watching Netflix for a bit, I play violin and love getting lost in the music. Whatever is calming, relaxing, etc. I've started adding this routine to my good days and I've seen far fewer bad days. Not sure if the situation is the same, or if it would help, but it's definitely worth a try. Also, are you on any mood stabilizers medication wise? If not it might really be helpful, and if so, I'd talk about either upping the dose or trying a different med.

 

[Llith]

I do all of this in one day lol. I think it is very hard for people around me when I am laughing and joking one minute and panicing and crying the next.

Sorry you had such a bad day, but people above are right, you had a bad day but you got through it fine, and you also had a good day which is awesome! Remember the good days and accept the bad ones will happen :) easier said than done but it's important to remember.

 

[Lady Moonlight]

This seems very wise advice indeed. For a long time clinicians thought I was bi-polar cos of the highs a...

My theory is chemical compensation. I don't have a medical degree in this. But it seems like that perhaps the brain releases X amount of chemicals creating that "high" and letting us build it up and use our energy, etc. Then the brain tries to bring us back down and overcompensates with too much of Y. Just a thought. Whatever it is, it really sucks.

 

[Agatha]

for me, they are outbursts of anger or rage at very small things, like something that comes across as a perception of disregard or a feeling of being unsafe)

Oh yes this rings a LOT of bells. Its like I'm ultra looking out for myself and ready to defend myself against any injustice. The rage and anger is totally disproportionate to any infringement (if indeed there is any). It's totally draining.

Basically on good days, I try to do it all. These emotional crashes force me to take a break that I otherwise wouldn't allow myself.

I think this makes a lot of sense; if things are going well then there is a feeling of wanting to ride it and get as much out of it as possible (way more than someone might do otherwise). Your idea of making sure that every day has some kind of 'me time' every day is excellent and would bring a better sense of balance; I am going to try to be better at doing this. I am on Venlafaxine 75mg twice a day. I've tried 3 times daily in the past and I feel dreadful on it, really woozy and out of it. I have Diazepam to take when I need but of course on 'those' days I think I don't need it because I 'totally justified in my anger'. Hmmm. My poor husband tried to get me to take them when I'm in a rage but it's not always successful.

Lady Moonlight your idea of balance and compensation seems a good one, like there's only so much energy to go around. It's a bit like the spoon theory if you've read that. I think I really need to get a handle on balancing what I can and can't do. Thankyou all for your ideas on this...