Supporter Does Reaching Out Make Things Worst?

[Shallot03]

Hi, well done for coming here to get help and advice. Shows real support and commitment to your sufferer...

Thank you so much for your reply! For the past few days I've been trying to get the suffers prospective on different forums and it just brings me to tears. My heart hurts that guys like my Marine who served their country so selfliesly walk away so broken from their experience. Thank you for reminding me not to add to his pain bugging him too much. I wish he knew how much he fills my heart by just being him, PSTD or not. I know another aspect of PTSD is how they feel about themselves, he thinks he's no big deal and doesn't believe me when I tell him how great he is. My goal is to start to taking care of myself again if I'm truly in this for the long run so I can be strong and healthy for him and myself.

@Shallot03 You write that he is a Marine and you know his work and time in servic...

Thank you! We are not married just dating and yes combat he is actually retired. Thank you for the us verses them perspective.

I'm glad to be of some help, I come here everyday and read to stay sane. We can choose to walk away anyt...

Be present and patient. I agree with the statement about getting yourself some counseling to under...

Thank you! I've noticed that I'm always asking him for something each time I reach out not thinking that even through it may seem small to me but the act of just asking him for friendship maybe too much for him.

 

[Grasshoppa]

Thank you so much for your reply! For the past few days I've been trying to get the suffers prospecti...

That's all you can do is be strong for the both of you. Hang in there

 

[Deadman]

@Shallot03 Although I am a sufferer rather than a carer I am empathize with your position. I know that as my PTSD progressed I became impossible to live with. I withdrew from the people who loved me just when I needed them most. I can't give you advice on how to help your Marine. I don't have any positive role models in that regard. But I can hint at what you may expect based on my past behaviour.

I bristled and withdrew further whenever she suggested my emotional distance was hurting her. What I wanted to do was yell back "Can't you see you are safer without me? Can't you see I've got nothing left inside? Can't you see I have nothing to give?" But all I did was shut down further and say even less.

Physical contact was unbearable. Well meaning advice made me angrier. And god forbid that anyone should suggest I "just get over it".

I'm glad you've chosen to look for support for yourself in your efforts to support your Marine.

 

[Snowflakes]

@Deadman And herein lies the conflict for the sufferer. Her emotional distance DOES hurt me, so I say nothing? I can't read minds so when she shuts down further and says even less, do I shut down further and say less also? Because if I do both we are simply roommates in the same house and, if that's the case, then what's the point. We go our separate ways and grieve the loss of could have been.

Please know I'm not arguing with you; quite the contrary, I appreciate your insight.

You and I can tell each other logically and calmly in an anonymous forum what is bothering us and that helps both of us learn from the other. It just breaks my heart when the emotional selfs cannot do that in person.