Does This Ever Stop?

[Bubbline]

Hey guys,

So, the last few days things have gotten really bad.

Work last week I think was the tipping point (Expecting to earn £241 and then being told you're only earning £49.52 because they now don't need you for the rest of the week will do that to you I guess) But I just haven't been able to yank myself out of it like I (nearly) always do.

It's been a week now and I feel just as low as I did when it started. My other half is doing what he can, cuddles, kisses, support. Which is nice. I feel more open towards him now when it comes to telling him about my downspells, as he's been getting them lately, so I don't feel so scared to tell him "Hey, you know, I'm actually feeling kinda down, sorry I've been bulls***ing about my mood again..." (I don't NEED to apologise, I just do) It felt really good to be able to tell him though and not feel so scared, and for him to tell me that it's okay to talk to him etc. it was just a really good evening, I just wish the uplift had lasted until morning..

Does this ever stop?

I mean, I'm fed up of it, which just drags me down further. Right now my parents aren't helping, 28 years of being together, one cheats on the other and then the other cheats too, and now they're split up, and my dad decides to get with the f*cking woman who broke up the f*cking marriage in the first place barely a month into the split, and I find out about the split decision through facebook a couple of weeks back. Then I just feel unloved by literally every single member of my family.

The person I used to turn to doesn't even speak to me anymore, I try calling etc. but nothing. His mum (my great aunt) doesn't even seem like she wants to know anymore. I just feel like a burden all the time. It's like I'm just running into walls and I have nowhere to go.

I just don't wanna be down anymore. I feel broken, and I don't like it.

 

[Leah123]

I'm very sorry you're struggling so. I know that broken feeling, it knocks me right off my feet sometimes. It does worse than that in fact, but... time passes and I regroup. I remember myself- remember that I'm much more than the way I feel or the horrors I remember, or the strife in my current life, and I find life well worth living again. It takes time, but feelings always pass eventually. I would hope you could see that, if you read your post- that the way you feel is worse because of specific recent events, that's not your permanent condition. I'm glad your other half is helping in the meantime.

It's painful to feel like a burden. Can you reach out elsewhere for support, here on the forum is great, also maybe in person, like a support group or crisis line if you need it, therapist, etc. Also just by taking care of yourself, writing, nurturing, that might help.

P.S. Finding out via Facebook is not cool. I'd be really really upset. Nothing wrong with that.