Poll Does Your Family Neglect You Emotionally?

[Invisible-Guy]

Cool Saffy, I'm glad you're OK.

 

[pumpkinpie]

If this is still the thread asking whether our families neglect us emotionally...Yes, and it has been that way for as long as I can remember.

 

[Changing4Best]

Yes Pumpkinpie, this is still the thread that is all about whether our families neglect us emotionally or not. We just sometimes talk about things that may not seem related, but are in some way. And we go off n a few tangents too! Thanks for replying.

 

[Invisible-Guy]

Well today I'm wishing my family would neglect me. Tomorrow my parents, sister, her boyfriend, and my niece all want to come over for lunch. Have to put on a fake smile and wear long sleeves and stay in the living room as long as I can handle it. It was only supposed to be my parents at first, then everybody else invited themselves. My step mom (a great person, by the way) and my sister are already having a power struggle over what to have for lunch. I told them to sort it out and that I don't mind either option.

Woke up in the middle of the night thinking about doing something stupid to myself, but I don't want to put my family through that kind of grief. Sometimes it seems like I have to continue being in Hell just so I don't inflict pain on others. Times like this are why I chose the name 'invisible', because if no one knew I existed, doing what needs to be done would be less complicated. All my friends bailed and half my family, but I have to hang on for the other half. The tough part is the inability to escape guilt. I can't work or go to school (which is entirely against my grain), nor can I just disappear. Guilt either way. Before getting sick, I loved getting together with family and friends, now it's mortifying.

 

[saffy]

Hi Invisible Guy

I am sorry you have been pushed into socializing when you do not feel like it. It doesn't encourage a good time but just makes it worse in ways.

Are you feeling that you want to be left alone but ask why doesn't anyone respect that?

It sounds like they think they have good intentions for doing this but I suppose it still ignores what you actually want. It is harder to just say, 'that is enough everyone go home now', if they make you feel guilty for that.

I found with mine they always had a knack of turning it around to make me feel guilty for anything they did for me. I realised is that they were doing what they thought was good for me and not listening to what I thought was good for me. If that makes sense. If I pushed their offer away I was made to feel ungrateful and I should be guilty for that.

Im not sure if that is why you feel guilty?

I always like to think that if I need them I will invite them round. Sometimes though I think why do they not just pop in to see how I was doing and actually listen to what I had to say without trying to forced what they thought was best on to me. It was like they were dismissing my emotions and overtaking my feelings as if I did not own them.

I found this quite manipulating and thought why are you actually doing this? To help me or to help themselves feel better or boosting their ego?

There were so many conditions to their love and attention I just got lost in what I actually needed. Is that the same for you?

I hope you get through the day with them. Try to focus on breathing slowly and take time out if you need too. :)

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Changing4Best]

Sometimes I only WISH my family would show up, but if they did so, ALL OF THEM! I would freak-out, so I do understand entirely, Invisible. If just my sister were to come, I'd like that. However, she has terrible varicose veins and cannot sit for very long in the car without feeling awful pain, However, she just sent me a phone card for Valentine's Day, so I will be able to talk to her on the phone at least. thank God!

She's not overly bossy like her daughter. She will make suggestions, but I can deal with that. She emails one-liners, but that I don't mind either, as she is going to college and has little time. It was I who suggested to just send me one-liners, this way I would not feel unloved. I told her that all she has to do is send me a one-line-reply to my emails and I would be fine. And when we talk on the phone? WE TALK FOR AN HOUR, but that is maybe once a month. I love my sister, even though she is a horder and I cannot stay at her house. (There is no seat at the table for me, no empty bed for me to sleep in and no room for me anywhere except the shower and the toilet seat!!! Thankfully she has 2 bathrooms. The last time I visited, I moved some of her precious STUFF to make room for myself and her hubby told me later that she was mad at me for doing so. I pity the poor guy, but then he admitted that he is a clutterhalic too! NO WONDER!!!!! Anyway, I love them, as long as we are somewhere besides IN THEIR HOME. LOL...

 

[Invisible-Guy]

Thanks Saffy :)

 

[4gtfl1]

My family is about 50/50. the half that bailed.... Well it's probably for the best anyhow. I can't blame them, they just don't understand PTSD. Sometimes they try to compair notes and relate it to their every day stressors. That part kind of bothers me because I don't know if they're trying to understand or in they're trying to say "get over it." as if it were that easy to do. They're family though, what can you do. too the mean ones... PLEASE NEGLECT ME lol!

 

[greycrayon]

Yes. My mom has her own health troubles and I don't ever remember her without depression or something going wrong and us having to compensate for it. We are not close because discussions made her tired so we just never really talked. Shes the one that my dad has to protect from getting too stressed. My dad is even worse, doesn't talk about emotions at all, has a violent(?) temper. We didn't hug or talk alot, we were all off in our own worlds and then irritaited when someone burst that bubble with their needs. I think my parents needed me, when I needed them. For people who don't talk alot they sure have alot of influence on my life.

 

[Heather]

YES, YES, YES AND YES. Absolutely no support. Worst feeling in the world. When you're struggling and in crisis and your family could give two shits.

 

[Friday]

I don't understand the question. I'm a grown up. I'm not anyone else's responsibility, so how can they neglect me?

 

[Ronin]

Nope because first I'm an adult and secondly who I take for 'family' are all wonderful people, or they wouldn't deserve that place in my heart.