Don't Know If I Can Carry On Much Longer

[RaggyDoll]

I am feeling very overwhelmed today and keep bursting into tears. I think it is partly because of my return to work on Monday which I am terrified by, but also I feel like my partner is thinking of leaving me. She doesn't seem very happy with me and I am finding it difficult to talk to her about things and when I do she just seems exasperated by me. If she leaves me I won't carry on its as simple as that, I feel that I am just getting her down by the fact that I'm down, my therapist keeps asking me to talk to her but I feel like it's just making things worse. I just can't put into words to her how I'm feeling as I'm not even sure myself. I can't make her understand because I don't understand. She thinks therapy has made things worse because I am so emotional but the fact is therapy have just brought the emotions to the surface, they were always there, I have always hated myself it's just harder to hide now.

My session at the therapist was really difficult this week she was trying to praise me and I couldn't accept it and kept closing down, she said she will look at further help for me but she has said this before, and then the week after says she can't. I think she just says it to give me hope fir the week but I don't believe her anymore. My weekly sessions end next week and then I have four over six months.

I'm dreading christmas, I feel so alone even though there are people around

 

[Anarchy]

Hi RaggyDoll,
I know those feelings of wanting to get (what I think of as) my crap and complications out of her (what seems to me like a) much more promising future.

I started a thread on it a few weeks back.

I don't know if you've told her that you've signed up here - if you haven't, feel free to use the earlier thread as a way to get a conversation going with her, without blowing your cover. You can tell her that you found it from a search engine.

I suspect that you might find that her view is somewhat different to what you are suspecting it is (diminishing ourselves and spirals of negative thoughts, and seeking self isolation can be big parts of this), only she knows what is going on inside her head, and even if she is feeling down about the relationship, she might become more sympathetic when she learns that it's the symptoms which are doing it, that it's not because you are sick of her.

Big Hugs

here's the link
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/me-s...ng-abandoned-and-other-vicious-circles.48156/