WhiteHatGirl
Bronze Member
Why do I have triggers so easily? I've currently recently relocated back to my sibling's place. A place where I get harassed and emotionally abused and then in great anxiety I flee for anyplace else to get away from the games. I've done this cycle like literally 15 times before.
With Fibro, and 4 bad discs in my neck, and other various problems, I'm unable to just apply and apply and take any job. I feel like I now could handle part time less than 10% of the types of jobs that are out there!
My family IGNORES illness and pain, unless it's totally in their face and someone is bleeding out or acting as if they may die! I am here having my dreams squashed if I even bring them up, and now I'm being told to just seek other place to live long term(near them?) . So they can watch over me in some way, or do they mean torture me while pretending to help me by giving me rides to pantries, etc...?
My dreams are REAL, and I have the right to persue them.
All I have is online forums and 12 step support groups much of the time.
ANd of all things, Craigslist. But I find so many abusive personalities on that site, it's just insane there too.
My life feels insane over instability. But honestly, I won't take any desperate couch locally to make them happy. I will go to the state I really want to live in, where it's easier on me physically to be in a dry heat place.
I have a DAMN right to put in an application to grad school if I so CHOOSE!
I"m not the Flipp'n failure they want me to be to play the family outcast/pathetic one.
I know this role is threatened everytime I achieve anything in my life that they don't understand or cannot imagine for themselves! Screw them......they won't destroy my dreams.
I am now in a VERY EXPENSIVE area, planning to move to a MUCH less expensive area where a very good grad program would let me work my way through grad school and THAT IS ACCEPTABLE?
With Fibro, and 4 bad discs in my neck, and other various problems, I'm unable to just apply and apply and take any job. I feel like I now could handle part time less than 10% of the types of jobs that are out there!
My family IGNORES illness and pain, unless it's totally in their face and someone is bleeding out or acting as if they may die! I am here having my dreams squashed if I even bring them up, and now I'm being told to just seek other place to live long term(near them?) . So they can watch over me in some way, or do they mean torture me while pretending to help me by giving me rides to pantries, etc...?
My dreams are REAL, and I have the right to persue them.
All I have is online forums and 12 step support groups much of the time.
ANd of all things, Craigslist. But I find so many abusive personalities on that site, it's just insane there too.
My life feels insane over instability. But honestly, I won't take any desperate couch locally to make them happy. I will go to the state I really want to live in, where it's easier on me physically to be in a dry heat place.
I have a DAMN right to put in an application to grad school if I so CHOOSE!
I"m not the Flipp'n failure they want me to be to play the family outcast/pathetic one.
I know this role is threatened everytime I achieve anything in my life that they don't understand or cannot imagine for themselves! Screw them......they won't destroy my dreams.
I am now in a VERY EXPENSIVE area, planning to move to a MUCH less expensive area where a very good grad program would let me work my way through grad school and THAT IS ACCEPTABLE?
