Emotional And Intimacy Deficient

[bell]

I used to feel nothing, too. Then I started therapy and started feeling little pings of emotion coming through.

For me, I realized that I couldn't feel because I was spending all my energy keeping myself safe and, more importantly, in control of my emotions. I've found meditation has been a great way to get back in my head when I'm feeling numb, as it reminds me what I am feeling as a person. Then, once I can do that, it becomes possible to feel about others. (Only a little bit, I'm still working on it!)

But, I'm betting that you, too, care a lot. A whole heck of a lot. And you want so bad to stay in control of yourself that you don't let your mind go there. Because who knows what could happen, right? Well, when all those emotions come leaking out it's scary at first. Because they're weird and shiny and new and everything's moving so fast while we're trying to process what's happening.

We're so used to spending all our energy staying in control, that we often don't let ourselves go, because we're too scared to do so. (That's the one thing I'd like to punch about PTSD... All the fear that comes with it!) So, we need to take baby steps to get there. To me, that first step was feeling and connecting with myself. Only once I started to do that, did I start to connect with others.

You can do this. You just have to allow yourself to do it. Take care, nomedic1.

 

[Abstract]

Has your wife proved to be a safe person for you Nomedic?

 

[nomedic1]

We have trust issues

 

[Abstract]

Does that mean she has cheated on you? Have you cheated on her? No judgements here.

 

[nomedic1]

Abstract, I can't discuss it this is we're my block is and I really need to trust someone before I can discuss this.

 

[Abstract]

I totally understand and I apologise if it felt like a boundary was stepped on. Sometimes there are lots of layers to trust and feelings and it can be really complex.

 

[nomedic1]

I wish I could discuss it Abstract but it's deep and the scar tissue is thick and many have abused my trust.

 

[Abstract]

I find I need to take it slow if I have had trust betrayed before. Maybe your therapist is someone you could discuss this with?

I do believe healing is always possible. We may not go back to before but sometimes forward movement has its own special gains.

 

[nomedic1]

I have discussed it with the therapist and we working on it, I know I have to deal with this otherwise I will not be complete.

 

[Abstract]

The things we are most afraid of are often the most important.

If you end up discussing it here it is Ok and sometimes helpful to be clear what you do and don't want before starting. I am glad you are speaking in therapy.

 

[presentjoy]

I keep visiting this thread because I just relate to the title, emotional and intimacy deficient. I've been lurking because I certainly don't want to project anything onto you, nomedic. Recent trauma of J's brought up this in even more difficult relief for me - I am, in some fundamental ways, emotionally unavailable, not able to open up, or trust, not even able to talk about emotion-laden topics. It's easier for me to write about them, but in person, I flee from it. Or worse.

Sounds like this is such a deep issue for you.

For me it's tied a lot to self-worth. First marriage failed, and second marriage is failing because of this very issue. I can't be there for my partner, I can't work through things because I fall apart, and I feel immensely deficient. I have a diagnosis that even by some people's terms is the definition of lacking empathy (some people argue that autism isn't an empathy deficit). But I keep trying. In writing, I can be much more connected with others, especially when it comes to their needs and feelings.

I don't know. I hope I'm not blabbing all over your thread. You definitely need to take your time. Be patient with yourself if you can.
My therapist and I started talking about my intimacy troubles with her last session, which was >1 micron easier than talking about difficulty with intimacy in my marriage.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Nomedic1, I am by no means trying to minimize you or invalidate how you feel when I say this...

I refuse to believe your original post because coming online to a support forum and sharing your feelings is brave to say the least. That is putting your self out there. That right there shows you can connect emotionally and intimately and I commend you for it.

I hope you feel better. Sorry for your pain.