I am running around so frantic that I am distroying everyone piece by piece.
For as long a time as I continued to fail at definitively and once-and-for-all 'curing myself' of what I now know is (common, actually) symptomology, or how I reacted or acted or responded, I felt like a 'dumb bomb'- who knows what damage I would cause. Later, I came to think maybe I was too 'soft' on myself- causing damage and not even realizing it? Then, when I wasn't causing damage, I sort of resented that I still would through'myself' and by a ripple effect, if, for example, I ended up with suicide.:( Though it did stop me, sometimes. It is hard for a 'normal' person to understand, but usually not personal. It's really taken many steps & many years to get to even that, for me.
Now I think of not just the worst-case explanation, but maybe I'm actually trustworthy enough (or can trust myself more?), that it's just a blessing if I have good people in my life.
Maybe I shouldn't comment because I'm not quite sure what 'loving without attachment' exactly means, since I'm avoidant so I don't think I understand anything else? Which however isn't without attachment, exactly. But I do think it's terrific that you are learning to care for yourself
@Woundedhealer , and if it came that way it is something good and necessary. And like
@lostforgottensoul nice to hear someone's partner found something redeemable with ptsd involved (and by extension about the person themself with ptsd too).
Welcome to you. :)
