Relationship Experience With "going Dark"

[Faithfulmilso]

My SO completly shut me out. As I was trying to reach out to him, hoping he was ok, he told me he was going to go dark.

For sufferes: what is going in your mind? Does time clear your mind? When you go dark, is it ok to send a text to make sure he's ok? Or no contact at all?
I understand boundaries, but I'm concerned bc my sufferer has had suicidal thoughts which scares me him going dark. The last time he shut me out was over a year ago for a week or so. I know he needs space. I'm just lost bc idk if we still have a relationship? I just hope he is ok?
If I don't hear from him in days, would contacting his family member be over stepping?

 

[Hydrotroop91]

As someone who suffers I would be concerned. I know that there are times when I need my space to deal with things but I never go completly dark. I feel like that would be really dangerous. In my most private times I have had some of my darkest times and if I had not had people to talk to me or know that something was up I would not be typing this now.

with his going dark does he see a therapist and do they know about this? Is there anyone that will be with him or have access to him to check in on him? Are all dangerous items removed from his lodgings? I mean things like drugs, weapons, alcohol, etc. Is there cell service there?? Do you have aa time limit set on this? I feel like a day or two is fine but a whole week without people?! That seems not good at all. I am really worried about this. The FB page, Military with PTSD, has a picture titled RED FLAGS and one of them is Withdrawling from Friends, Family, and Society. I'm lucky if my friends let me go a day without communication or at least posting on a social media site to see that I am indeed alive and well.

I'm not trying to worry you or anything but this does worry me. I think reaching out to his family unless you are super close to them and they know everything would be over stepping bounds. But I am also partial since I do not get along with my family. I would encourage you to encourage him to reach out to his therapist or seek one immediately.

My thoughts and prayers are definitely with you guys and I hope it is nothing more than a mere break for him. Maybe he is just overwhelmed from his surroundings and needs to go numb or clear out for a bit I have been known to do that to clear my head and thoughts.

 

[Friday]

It's isolating... Which means different things to different people in the details, so try and work out those details with your sufferer in advance for next time. Because if you stay together, there will be many next times.

 

[Deleted member 28360]

I'm going thru something similar. I'm debating on reaching out in a few days if I don't hear anything. Is reaching out bad?

 

[Blue Survivor]

As a sufferer, I do not think reaching out is a bad or invasive thing - but that depends on the person. If I have an episode, my head is all over the place. Just to let you know what some of us deal with...I may have a flashback, but not mention it to my SO. Later that day let's say we have an argument. Well my nerves are already shot from the flashback...so my body thinks and feels that it is in danger even though my brain knows my SO would never hurt me. But still - the argument itself paired with earlier flashback and now the body/brain battle...it is not easy, and more often than not I try to let him know that I need some space. Most times he ducks out of the room to leave me alone, sometimes for a few minutes and sometimes as long as it takes. Usually no longer than an hour at most. But that is me.

My suggestion would be to ask him how to help. Tell him you're there if he needs you. But I would not push him. If I need space and my SO doesn't get it, I tend to feel worse.