I don't know where should I post this thread, so I'm here. It is related to relationships.
How do you cope with the rest of your family, with other people and their expectations from you ? What do I mean ? From time to time I meet the other family, not my parents. So uncles, aunts, cousins, etc. Recently (2 years ago) we met after many years. They do not know what happened, they only have som quesstimate. But they expected from me to be normal, they asked me where I was those years, what I did in my life (career etc) and so on. But I was mess until my 30 (it was improved shortly before my 30). I even wanted to kill myself back then, I have often changed my job, I only gradually identified the nature of my problem, I was anxious, depressed, and I still have c-ptsd. I'm now 35 and more or less getting better, still with acoa and c-ptsd symptoms. And honestly I don't know what to say to them. I can not say what was done, it was horrified and I am ashamed of that and I protect my mother from shame (she wasn't the bad one, father was, and he is dead several years).
But the family turns away from me, not from my mother. They know her better and they don't understand my. They consider me to be strange, shy, quiet, weird. But I am not always like this. I need only some time, I have to get used to them. But I think they consider me as some loser or something. Or just weirdo. In 35 I still do not have a family, and some decent job. Recently I quit the job and looking for new and better one, I'm improving my qualification. I have been making some changes in recent years but it matters to me, not to them. For me they were let's say important steps. You know, when I compare it to the past. But for other people it's almost like nothing. They didn't ask me literally as follows - "You should have done that long ago, what you have done so far ?" - but in a similar way. It's like "look at us, we have families, some decent jobs", and so on, blah blah. They do not ask you about past, fear, violence, threats, escape from the house, and even some dlicate matters (i do not want to write about) and so on.
I guess they know something now, but very, very little, but they don't want to know details. They rather patronize you, or they show you some unique examples of other people who achieve something despite their difficulties, ignoring the fact that this is not so common in reality and they will do that without deeper thought and without any further questions about your past, any details, nothing, nothing. How it was in YOUR case, they don't give a sh... They don't ask you. You look healthy young man, only a bit shy, quiet, weird, but othewise healthy, so what. Come on pussy, man up. And yes, I do something with my life, even it is later and slower in comparison with them. But I would really like to see them in the situations I've been through and how they would deal with them today.
And you know what, I almost hate them because of that.
correction in a sentence - *quesstimate = guesstimate
I'm sorry
How do you cope with the rest of your family, with other people and their expectations from you ? What do I mean ? From time to time I meet the other family, not my parents. So uncles, aunts, cousins, etc. Recently (2 years ago) we met after many years. They do not know what happened, they only have som quesstimate. But they expected from me to be normal, they asked me where I was those years, what I did in my life (career etc) and so on. But I was mess until my 30 (it was improved shortly before my 30). I even wanted to kill myself back then, I have often changed my job, I only gradually identified the nature of my problem, I was anxious, depressed, and I still have c-ptsd. I'm now 35 and more or less getting better, still with acoa and c-ptsd symptoms. And honestly I don't know what to say to them. I can not say what was done, it was horrified and I am ashamed of that and I protect my mother from shame (she wasn't the bad one, father was, and he is dead several years).
But the family turns away from me, not from my mother. They know her better and they don't understand my. They consider me to be strange, shy, quiet, weird. But I am not always like this. I need only some time, I have to get used to them. But I think they consider me as some loser or something. Or just weirdo. In 35 I still do not have a family, and some decent job. Recently I quit the job and looking for new and better one, I'm improving my qualification. I have been making some changes in recent years but it matters to me, not to them. For me they were let's say important steps. You know, when I compare it to the past. But for other people it's almost like nothing. They didn't ask me literally as follows - "You should have done that long ago, what you have done so far ?" - but in a similar way. It's like "look at us, we have families, some decent jobs", and so on, blah blah. They do not ask you about past, fear, violence, threats, escape from the house, and even some dlicate matters (i do not want to write about) and so on.
I guess they know something now, but very, very little, but they don't want to know details. They rather patronize you, or they show you some unique examples of other people who achieve something despite their difficulties, ignoring the fact that this is not so common in reality and they will do that without deeper thought and without any further questions about your past, any details, nothing, nothing. How it was in YOUR case, they don't give a sh... They don't ask you. You look healthy young man, only a bit shy, quiet, weird, but othewise healthy, so what. Come on pussy, man up. And yes, I do something with my life, even it is later and slower in comparison with them. But I would really like to see them in the situations I've been through and how they would deal with them today.
And you know what, I almost hate them because of that.
correction in a sentence - *quesstimate = guesstimate
I'm sorry
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