whenskyended
New Here
Sometimes when I tell my friends that I can't find it in me to love my family after everything they've done to me, they don't really have much to say. It's weird; all the people in my life who I'm close to have strained relationships with one of their parents but they still love the other parent, so they don't really know what to say when I tell them that I love neither of my parents.
After these conversations I'm always left feeling like I should be kinder to my parents. One of my friends who has a strained relationship with her mom said that she wouldn't hesitate to defend her family if someone insulted them, and it made me wonder if I was a bad person for thinking that I wouldn't do the same for mine. I guess if the insult wasn't warranted, then I would defend them a little bit, but I wouldn't try very hard.
I guess it feels right to talk about my background a little bit since I'm on the topic. I feel it's important for me to mention that my family is Asian, and as you can guess they place a lot of emphasis on being loyal to the family and not going against them, regardless of how bad you're treated. I'm a black sheep in my family because I never truly submitted to them and don't force myself to adhere to their standards of how I should be as a person... aka obey traditional gender standards, never talk back to parents/older family members and do whatever they ask of me without question, all that good stuff. It also doesn't really help that my experiences heavily align with those of people on the spectrum, which caused my family to look down on me for not being "normal" and finding it difficult to teach me things or explain things to me because no one had the patience to actually sit down and properly walk me through anything. As a result, I ended up having to teach myself a lot of things that my family should have taught me, but instead mocked me for not being able to grasp quick enough or they thought it wasn't worth the effort of teaching someone that "wasn't smart enough".
Not really sure how I want to end this. tl;dr I'd like people's thoughts on this topic and/or if I'm justified or not in how I feel about my family.
After these conversations I'm always left feeling like I should be kinder to my parents. One of my friends who has a strained relationship with her mom said that she wouldn't hesitate to defend her family if someone insulted them, and it made me wonder if I was a bad person for thinking that I wouldn't do the same for mine. I guess if the insult wasn't warranted, then I would defend them a little bit, but I wouldn't try very hard.
I guess it feels right to talk about my background a little bit since I'm on the topic. I feel it's important for me to mention that my family is Asian, and as you can guess they place a lot of emphasis on being loyal to the family and not going against them, regardless of how bad you're treated. I'm a black sheep in my family because I never truly submitted to them and don't force myself to adhere to their standards of how I should be as a person... aka obey traditional gender standards, never talk back to parents/older family members and do whatever they ask of me without question, all that good stuff. It also doesn't really help that my experiences heavily align with those of people on the spectrum, which caused my family to look down on me for not being "normal" and finding it difficult to teach me things or explain things to me because no one had the patience to actually sit down and properly walk me through anything. As a result, I ended up having to teach myself a lot of things that my family should have taught me, but instead mocked me for not being able to grasp quick enough or they thought it wasn't worth the effort of teaching someone that "wasn't smart enough".
Not really sure how I want to end this. tl;dr I'd like people's thoughts on this topic and/or if I'm justified or not in how I feel about my family.