I was initially looking forward to my move back to the States. But the closer I get to the day I move, the more dread I feel. I think I'll actually feel more alone there, surrounded by family, than i've ever felt while living in Eastern Europe. At least here there was an explanation for always feeling alone -- cause I was alone. There, it will be more alienating. Kinda regretting my decision to move back now.
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Family/relocation
- Post starter Casey_03
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Pixielicious
Gold Member
H
I've emigrated 7x between 4 countries, so I totally understand where you're coming from.
Moving house is always stressful, but moving to another country is even harder.
I don't know your background, but I do understand the loneliness that you're talking about.
I've always been lonely. It doesn't matter where I've lived, in who's company I've been in, whether it's family or not in the same room. I can honestly say that there's never been a time where I haven't felt lonely.
I've never had a place I could call home, a home town or even a home country.
I feel like an alien roaming around the world looking for somewhere to belong.
They say that "home is where the heart is" , so my advice is follow your heart, it may not help the loneliness you feel but at least you won't feel 'trapped' in a place you didn't really want to go to. :)
Hello..
I've emigrated 7x between 4 countries, so I totally understand where you're coming from.
Moving house is always stressful, but moving to another country is even harder.
I don't know your background, but I do understand the loneliness that you're talking about.
I've always been lonely. It doesn't matter where I've lived, in who's company I've been in, whether it's family or not in the same room. I can honestly say that there's never been a time where I haven't felt lonely.
I've never had a place I could call home, a home town or even a home country.
I feel like an alien roaming around the world looking for somewhere to belong.
They say that "home is where the heart is" , so my advice is follow your heart, it may not help the loneliness you feel but at least you won't feel 'trapped' in a place you didn't really want to go to. :)
Gs172003
Diamond Member
If you don't mind which state?
You have had to make a lot of decisions lately. And dealing with your son's father certainly hasn't helped the anxiety levels. I think it's normal, this amount of nervousness and worry, as you have been out of the states for a long time. Try and think of the opportunities you will have for you and your son here, to actually meet some more new mothers and start making friends.
Yes, you will be living with your family, to help out with your Gram at first, but it doesn't mean you will be stuck there and it doesn't mean you have to be alone. You have done so well in these past few months, I (and I am sure everyone) can see the progress you have made navigating this world as a single mother. There is strength in that. Even though it's really hard to do, try to not worry about the what if's, or the rubbish that could happen once you get here, and try and focus on the positives of what coming back here can do for you and your son x
Yes, you will be living with your family, to help out with your Gram at first, but it doesn't mean you will be stuck there and it doesn't mean you have to be alone. You have done so well in these past few months, I (and I am sure everyone) can see the progress you have made navigating this world as a single mother. There is strength in that. Even though it's really hard to do, try to not worry about the what if's, or the rubbish that could happen once you get here, and try and focus on the positives of what coming back here can do for you and your son x
scout86
VIP Member
I feel that way at some point, almost every time I move. And I've moved a lot. There's a point where I just have to accept that I've thought things through, I've made the best decision I know how to make, and I need to quit second guessing myself. Because that's what I'm doing. And I've gone with the second guessing thing once or twice and ALWAYS regretted it. It's 'Fear' talking, not reason.
You may actually feel more alone here. At least for awhile. But you have a lot of experience meeting people and negotiating new places and situations. This is no different. The resources available from a social services stand point are going to be better here. You are a citizen and that means something when you're living on the edge. Your ex will have less access to you here and fewer resources to make your life complicated when you are here. I think that's pretty important. Right now, it sounds like you're very vulnerable because you fall through all the cracks. I really think you've made the right choice as a next step. It will bring with it it's own set of challenges, but they will be less totally out of your control than they are where you are now. You'll handle them. Be as independent as you can be when you get back here. Show your family you actually DO have a handle on things and aren't going to be some kind of parasite. It will work out. It will be better than having to deal with the ex and a legal system that has no reason to want to look out for you.
You may actually feel more alone here. At least for awhile. But you have a lot of experience meeting people and negotiating new places and situations. This is no different. The resources available from a social services stand point are going to be better here. You are a citizen and that means something when you're living on the edge. Your ex will have less access to you here and fewer resources to make your life complicated when you are here. I think that's pretty important. Right now, it sounds like you're very vulnerable because you fall through all the cracks. I really think you've made the right choice as a next step. It will bring with it it's own set of challenges, but they will be less totally out of your control than they are where you are now. You'll handle them. Be as independent as you can be when you get back here. Show your family you actually DO have a handle on things and aren't going to be some kind of parasite. It will work out. It will be better than having to deal with the ex and a legal system that has no reason to want to look out for you.
NaeNae75
Platinum Member
I'm sorry to hear that. I know how lonely family can feel. I haven't moved away, though, because at least I had a support system for my children. My ex husband is not involved with my children at all...and hasn't been for a decade. Now my "baby" will be 18 in 3 weeks.
You obviously can't change who they are, but hopefully your baby will have the chance to know your family in a healthier way than you. At least this way you're giving your child a better life.
You, clearly, are a survivor and will "make it" anywhere, but at least here the baby and you are protected from more bs from the father.
Hopefully you can find some friends to bring into your life that can be more emotionally supportive than your family us capable of.
Honestly, under the circumstances, I think you would be anxious no matter what you were deciding. You're under so much stress right now I'm sure your hormones are running rampant through your body. Just think of how well your holding it together with everything going on right now. You should be proud of yourself!
The Albatross
VIP Member
I was going to suggest that you dig up older posts and threads about how/why you came to the decision you did to refresh your memory and counter the anticipatory stress of the changes... but Scout nailed it when she said, "There's a point where I just have to accept that I've thought things through, I've made the best decision I know how to make, and I need to quit second guessing myself. Because that's what I'm doing. And I've gone with the second guessing thing once or twice and ALWAYS regretted it. It's 'Fear' talking, not reason."
Change is scary, moving is very high on the stress list factors. This is quite normal to feel this way. You are feeling these things and that is healthy even though it feels a tab overwhelming. You can try to start looking for resources online in your new state, maybe research a therapist or nonprofit woman's group to help you on your feet. So l am trying to
say take the unmanagble and get it in to doeable lists so you have an action plan once you get there. This will help you feel more in charge of the newness coming up in your new beginning.
say take the unmanagble and get it in to doeable lists so you have an action plan once you get there. This will help you feel more in charge of the newness coming up in your new beginning.
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