So I was spending Fourth of July with my dad and his family (ie him, his wife and my two little half brothers). Things were going fine until my dad made a comment indirectly related to my weight. He told my little brother, "Your sister will eat everything in sight." That stung. It brought back a whole flood of memories about how I got treated as a kid by my own family because of my weight. I nearly cried in the car as we were driving back.
When we finally got back to his house, I was feeling so self conscious. And whenever I'm faced with a problem, I'm the type of person who is always asking, what can I DO to fix this (not always a good thing by the way).
I had some laxatives that I had started taking for legitimate reasons. However, I had only taken one of them at a time and taken them at least a few weeks apart. I hadn't taken any in months as I didn't feel like I needed them anymore. I'd often heard laxatives help you lose weight (which, by the way, I recently heard is a misconception).
So, right before I go to bed, I take two laxatives.
Not such a hot idea.
I wake up in the middle of the night, BLINDING pain in my gut, shaky, sweaty, dizzy, short of breath, feeling like I am going to pass out or throw up or both. I go into the bathroom and alternate between lying down in the bathtub in a fetal position and sitting on the toilet. Thankfully, the pain went away before too long and I was able to go back to bed.
Morning comes, and as part of my morning routine, I open Whatsapp and text "Good morning" to my best friend. He asks the standard question, "Had a good night?"
"You want the truth?"
"Yes."
"No, I didn't."
I tell him the story of what happened.
"Skype," he texts me.
He calls me via Skype, looks right at me, "You go and you hurt yourself like that just because of one thing someone says to you. That is not right." He and I proceed to have a long talk. I lament my struggle to lose weight over the past year.
"Uh huh," he says, "and how big is your dad?"
In a nutshell, he points out to me that my dad's criticism is all about him, not me. My dad is bigger than me yet he seems to feel justified commenting about my weight. I completed a bachelor's degree and have gotten my teaching career off the ground, and yet my dad feels justified in commenting on my intellect.
In the end we talked for about an hour. My friend prepared me, asking me what other possible negative comments my dad might make and helping me come up with thoughts I can replace his comments with. Whatever my father says about me are really just things he thinks about himself, and when I look at it that way I start to feel bad for him rather than put so much weight in everything he says about me.
It was a profound moment because, yes, I was sucked back into that place where I was abused by my family because of my weight and reminded of everything. And yet, when I pulled out my phone and texted my friend, I was reminded of what a different place I am in now. I have people in my life who elevate me rather than tear me down to make themselves feel better.
And I won't be taking laxatives anymore. Throwing those suckers away. Lol ;)
When we finally got back to his house, I was feeling so self conscious. And whenever I'm faced with a problem, I'm the type of person who is always asking, what can I DO to fix this (not always a good thing by the way).
I had some laxatives that I had started taking for legitimate reasons. However, I had only taken one of them at a time and taken them at least a few weeks apart. I hadn't taken any in months as I didn't feel like I needed them anymore. I'd often heard laxatives help you lose weight (which, by the way, I recently heard is a misconception).
So, right before I go to bed, I take two laxatives.
Not such a hot idea.
I wake up in the middle of the night, BLINDING pain in my gut, shaky, sweaty, dizzy, short of breath, feeling like I am going to pass out or throw up or both. I go into the bathroom and alternate between lying down in the bathtub in a fetal position and sitting on the toilet. Thankfully, the pain went away before too long and I was able to go back to bed.
Morning comes, and as part of my morning routine, I open Whatsapp and text "Good morning" to my best friend. He asks the standard question, "Had a good night?"
"You want the truth?"
"Yes."
"No, I didn't."
I tell him the story of what happened.
"Skype," he texts me.
He calls me via Skype, looks right at me, "You go and you hurt yourself like that just because of one thing someone says to you. That is not right." He and I proceed to have a long talk. I lament my struggle to lose weight over the past year.
"Uh huh," he says, "and how big is your dad?"
In a nutshell, he points out to me that my dad's criticism is all about him, not me. My dad is bigger than me yet he seems to feel justified commenting about my weight. I completed a bachelor's degree and have gotten my teaching career off the ground, and yet my dad feels justified in commenting on my intellect.
In the end we talked for about an hour. My friend prepared me, asking me what other possible negative comments my dad might make and helping me come up with thoughts I can replace his comments with. Whatever my father says about me are really just things he thinks about himself, and when I look at it that way I start to feel bad for him rather than put so much weight in everything he says about me.
It was a profound moment because, yes, I was sucked back into that place where I was abused by my family because of my weight and reminded of everything. And yet, when I pulled out my phone and texted my friend, I was reminded of what a different place I am in now. I have people in my life who elevate me rather than tear me down to make themselves feel better.
And I won't be taking laxatives anymore. Throwing those suckers away. Lol ;)
