Death Feeling Realistic Gulit In The Five Stages Of Grief...

[SeanCharles]

Hey Everyone!

What I felt was a gentle and break from previous grieving experiences including another dog, I realize that while I though all I had where Sheba was concerned was unreal guilt. How wrong I am! I am not quite sure, yet I am in many ways sure that I have a bit of real guilt concerning Sheba.

In terms of being my emotional support dog, I absolutely don't feel guilt or shame that she found me to not be my emotional support dog. However, I do feel some realistic guilt and maybe I am wrong here, by some of my interactions with her on occasion. At times, I think I set her up for failure and because the expectation wasn't met, kinda like myself and my work situation, she failed to meet the expectation as expected and as a result of her action, consequences were administered. For example, I had tried to set up barricades to confine her to a pen area. Her being smart and a jumper would greet me in the living room when I came home from taking classes. (I was not working at this point yet) and I'd have a mess, because she had escaped the confinement and then had no way to go outside to go potty or she'd have destroyed something like paperwork.

Other times, she'd wind up using the basement as her bathroom because of rain. I'd discover this knowing that if I punished her, she'd not understand the punishment being that her actions and my consequences didn't match.

I feel that suddenly my real guilt is starting to manifest it's self a few weeks after I've lost her. The unrealistic guilt that I initially felt was not within my own control, nor did I not directly or deliberately contribute to her death. I feel a bit lost so if I seem to be rambling please excuse me.

I at a complete loss for further words so I am going to close this for now, please feel free to express any questions, comments or concerns.

Thanks,

---SeanGeo

 

[GG-love]

During grief it is natural to get a bit lost and natural to feel guilt as I think the cliché "hindsight is 20/20" applies very well to periods of grief. It will take time to work through it all. Be gentle with yourself Sean.

 

[SeanCharles]

@GG-love Thanks! :hug: True, there are two kinds of guilt. One is that overwhelming guilt of owning what isn't really yours. For example, Sheba stopped eating after she got sick. I didn't cause her to stop eating. She didn't feel like eating after something upset her stomach. Or dealing with the should of's, could of's, would of's... (You know, I Should have taken her to the vet, I could have taken her to the vet, I probably would have taken her to the vet if I didn't have go to work instead.

It's gonna take time, and I am attempting to be gentle on myself. :)

Thanks! :)

 

[Justmehere]

Healthy guilt fuels change. If you feel like with your next dog you would do a few things differently, that's natural and normal. But if the guilt you feel shuts you down or makes you feel like a bad person, that isn't healthy guilt.

You loved and cared for Sheba extremely well. All dog owners make mistakes - but you were more than a good enough dog owner for Sheba. Raising a dog takes a lot of learning and adjusting along the way. Part of what makes you such a good dog owner is that you are still learning from your time with her.

You were a good dog owner for her while she was alive too. Everything you describe, makes that very clear to me. You have lot to be proud of.

 

[SeanCharles]

@Justmehere Thank you! Maybe in ways, I am taking this a bit harder than I need to be... I had a blast from the past that triggered my need for an emotional rock that I don't have right now. :( I will be writing a diary entry on this has opened some scars from the past.


---SeanGeo