Feeling trapped in a life filled with ongoing adversity

[Freddyt]

Wait, I made some sort of connection. I was in a great mood and was feeling really accomplished before visiting my family at my sister's. Did they stress me out? Or am I just overwhelmed overall? Is am I upset because I overworked myself maybe and haven't noticed? Or because the sun is down?

Because family? just comes with all the baggage of family. And all that "stuff" just comes along whether you want it to or not. Plus that thing from our favorite article - all stress - good bad or otherwise - is still stress.

Then the part people who don't have ptsd don't get. It's not in the past.....its not in the future its all NOW. And whether we think of it as past or whatever - our brain interprets it as now. So stress is all now, whether it comes from the past or present, whether its excitement or fear, it's all in the same cup.

And if its all now its easily overwhelming.....whether it feels like it or not.

 

[Freida]

When you get knocked down too many times? It creates a kind of… madness.

You’ve been through hell.

You’ve survived.

But?

That ‘desperate for a win’ can f*ck you over.

This. The lengths I would go to just to get that "win" no matter the cost. Sometimes we have to just ride it out until t feels normal rather than fighting to stop it. That doesn't mean we stop trying to change things - it means changing how we are understanding what is happening around us.

I think we sometimes get so stuck trying to climb the mountain o crap, that we lose track of the path that goes around the side.
So taking a breath and going after one small win rather than a bunch of big ones might be what could help get you on a better path?

I got diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder (major depressive type)

My brother has this - struggled with it for years. He ended up going in for electroshock therapy (the new version, not the old holy crap hook you to an electric bank type) and it has worked amazingly well. He did a crap ton of research on it first, talked to people about the pros and cons, blah blah. It was even covered by his insurance.

Maybe something to look into?

 

[Mach123]

Hi I read your post and yes I understand. I’m actually working with one of my adult children currently to sort of help or be an adjunct therapist . Because I’m not depressed anymore or at least nothing like I was .

I don’t know if I can be helpful with this but I’d like to try because I feel better and I wish I could help anyone else with it , you know ?

I specifically noticed that you said is everything going to be like this or even slowly get worse and for me that’s the original question because before I got involved really in anything like trauma therapy I realised on my own that was the case . I was living out a pattern.

You’ve probably read at least some of my stuff and I’m all about positive thinking. I used to be so depressed I couldn’t read anything about positivity because it made me sick. I think it’s important to say that because I don’t think there’s any way to apply it if you’re really depressed .

So first, how the hell can you get a little less depressed ? I think it’s individual.

My situation is very much a before and after scenario because I went into my last therapist and I was really clear I had things to tell her I’d never been able to say and after a couple years Of beating her up For having the nerve to try and help me I did it .

After I’d say my symptoms though still very much present are more transparent and so easier to deal with which causes me to become less depressed upset anxious uncomfortable over time .

So overall the only thing that’s different is me or how I feel. They told us that AA would deliver this change but it didn’t in my case. I really became depressed after that. The trauma therapy did. I don’t feel quite as hateful about 12 steps because I use some of the stuff they said almost daily? But I had to do the trauma therapy. Maybe that’s the fifth step that I knew I’d never do.

Anyway I wanted to say something because I don’t want anyone to be stuck in that nothing is going to get any better state. It may not. I don’t think my situation is much better overall. I just feel better and as I did get feeling better I was able to change things a little ?

I know it can work because I do feel better and I remember watching others get better which when I was depressed made me horribly jealous of course . I don’t have only ugly horrible feelings anymore. Except sometimes .

I really want, especially for us long timers, to see some good things happen, and I hope they’re going to happen for you too.

 

[Unknown User 2051]

It sounds overwhelming. I'm in no position to offer advice, but a couple of things stuck out.

Are any of you getting breaks where things are "okay" enough? Or is the struggle of life just that all of us have one thing happen after another, become more vulnerable, and then get diagnosed with some kind of illness that kills us? I hate to ask it that way, I really view myself as a optimist, but it's been so difficult lately and most of my friends are dying and I'm struggling to make it to the next major stressors or trauma. Does that make sense/do I make sense? Really not sure I'm even wording this right -- just, will anything ever be okay again?

What you're saying definitely seems to make sense. Breaks are rare these days and tend to be on the shorter side for me. I think it's possible to create space for breaks to happen, if that makes sense. This is hard to put into words. I think if you set a goal you can start to put together a bunch of smaller goals that lead you to the desired place? For example, I want to help my child with their trauma, but I can't do that. Even if I wanted to, I don't think it works that way. Regardless, that's too big. But I can aim to improve our relationship (maybe a better relationship with a parent will make it easier for them to figure their stuff out?). One way to start improving the relationship is turning dinner into a quality time event. We make dinner together now, we look for new recipes, things like that. I can help make dinner, right? It's a small goal and doing that makes it easier to do a little more sometimes, like leaving the door unlocked while my child is out for a minute. Is that a break? I dunno.

I'm genuinely worried this sounds self centered and dramatic but, like, anything good going on in your lives that you don't feel like you have to lie about to cheer other people up? Anything at all make you not feel like your just surviving one bad thing after another?

My child inundates me with kitten memes. A solid 70%, maybe even 75% of those are good fun with no need for self-recrimination. There used to be a site called "Cute Overload," but it was scheduled to shut down. :( When I get particularly down, watching the cover of "Under Pressure" from the Magicians tv series can be good for a smile. Hope you work things through. And, glancing back, it would make a lot of sense that spending time with family might stir things up. Family can be a mixed blessing at times.