Feeling Very Alone

[I am .....]

All round feeling very alone in this stupid trauma struggle. have to keep myself occupied and distracted to help ward off SI or more so acting on it. I'm worried what will happen when I stop ;( I do have a good support team, or so I thought.
My T hasn't replied to my last three emails (she's not on holidays and it's the same address I always use) which is sooo not like her. Then there's my regular GP of 8yrs, who has been on holidays, so I had to see another female doctor at her practice. When I went to my scheduled appointment she already knew all about my trauma and personal history without me saying a word - I mean EVERYTHING. I understand there's a degree of inter office information sharing among doctors but I thought names and certain personal details are withheld. When someone is sexually assaulted so much power is taken away that one of the very few things we do have control over is 'Who knows'. This has left me feeling hurt by and angry at my doctor.
Then there's my counsellor who has mentioned the possibility of me having BPD. I read up on this and even took and online question air about it, I don't know if it came from My counsellor or the psychiatrist at the hospital but whoever suggested it got there credentials out of a cereal box. All because I said I was feeling abandoned by everyone and alone, seriously!! I honestly feel like none of these people can help me anymore. I really just want to crawl into a dark space and disappear.

 

[Sighs]

Hang in there! Its always hard when your regular medical professional is not available and its Murphy's Law that they all seem to disappear at the same time.

If your regular GP is on holidays she may well have taken the time to brief her partner about your history so that if you needed to see her in a crisis she would be aware of your background. I do understand that you feel hurt because you feel that you have lost control of who is aware of your trauma but looked at objectively I would say your doctor cares enough about you to make sure that you had access to someone who was aware of your background without the need to explain every thing from scratch.

Please please call Lifeline or present to your nearest hospital emergency department if you feel unsafe!

 

[Rennie]

Hi there,

I just wanted to say I have read your post and wanted to say you are doing a great job holding off the SI, I am here to talk if you need as I in the sam situation.

Good luck

 

[RussH]

It does not surprise me that the new Doctor knew your history. It all likelyhood she had read your chart, so she would have a better idea of how to treat you.

I, personally, would be far more concerned if I had gone into the office, and find out she didn't know anything, so I see this as a good thing.

 

[Hope4Now]

So sorry you're feeling alone. It's great that you're reaching out here. I hope your therapist gets back to you soon. A friend shared something with me the other day--just a sentence to say to myself...maybe it will help you too, to accept whatever feelings you're feeling now and to know they will change. "Ah, so this is what it feels like now."

 

[Cassey]

You will get through this hold on. Holidays will be over soon they you can talk to who YOU feel like is the best person to talk to.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I am sorry that you are going through this rough patch. It is always hard when the regular supports are not available. My therapist has had times when she can't respond when I have e-mailed and it is so hard because normally she responds quickly. Usually she had some family thing she needed to attend to. Do you have an appointment coming up soon?

I am glad you have been finding ways to keep yourself distracted from SI. I hope you can continue to keep busy. Some of my favorite ways to keep myself distracted include taking a walk, baking something yummy, or writing. And there's always posting on here to keep yourself distracted as well. I posted updates all last week to help me get through my husband being away.