PTSD and psychosis= feeling alone and crazy

[Punky143]

Dissociative identity disorder, and PTSD with psychotic features amongst other dx.

We had some hallucination periods last year and although distressing, we tried very hard to hide them. Time went by and although they never went away, the severity decreased. Fast forward to now, and it's gotten worse and impossible to hide. We see bugs flying around us, we feel them on our body, we smell horrible things out of nowhere, and we hear things. During peak times we are certain we're right and spend an enormous amount of time trying to prove their validity so we have a way to make them go away.

But it's pointless. We've been medically tested for a lot of things and all have come up with nothing. And I find that terrifying. I don't have anyone close in my life who I can be honest with and tell other than my t who is navigating with me. I've been down the medication road before and learned a lot, especially how I don't want to take anything but I can say, my quality of life right now is poor and the medication I'm taking now isn't working and I'm waiting for my next med appt. I'm very depressed but still trying to find ways to validate and distract my minds.

Anyone else? Please don't confuse the post with those with schizophrenia. That is not my dx

Anyone else struggle with this?

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time.
Dissociative disorder here. I don’t experience psychosis but we have had hallucinations and paranoia in the past, especially in times of great stress. Is there anything significantly or cumulatively stressful going on at the moment that could be making all this worse? I know from others who experience psychosis that it can be really connected to what is happening environmentally, health wise… anything QOL related. It’s my understanding that trauma and psychotic symptoms can really lend to each-other. Everything for us kicked off when unprocessed trauma breached the surface, a few years ago. (I also know someone with a BPD diagnosis, who experiences psychosis when things are getting bad, which is a traumagenic disorder, too.)

Last year, beginning after a traumatic event we’d smell “dead body” smell unexpectedly, and spend ages trying to find where it’s from. Checking clothes, etc.
Also been through the wringer of things approaching the realm of thought-broadcasting delusions, and general persecutory and observational fears which even branched out to the internet and affected a lot of QOL, and the intense OCD the “host” part at the time was going through.

It’s scary stuff, and I completely understand how not knowing answers feels, especially for things this significant.
I wish I had more answers but I hope you find some support here, and that your T can help out with what you need.

You’re not “crazy”.

 

[arfie]

no DID here, but hallucinations galore, visual, auditory, olfactory, gustatory and sensory. ditto on the dead-end medical testing. it has been many a therapy session since i have tried to hide them, but i seldom talk about them. not even psych and med pros understand them well enough to offer clarity and i am confused enough already, thank you kindly. spiritual pros have offered the most clarity and ? ? ? trust issues block that clarity constantly. all too many of those spiritual pros look crazier than i feel. again, i am confused enough already, thank you kindly. talking about them with anybody only seems to make them worse. some things live beyond words.

radical acceptance and mindfulness have been my most effective tool to date. with the radical acceptance i accept that i don't and may never have a rational explanation for them, but they keep on happening, whether i understand them or knot. with mindfulness, i strive for objective observation and awareness that ^it^ is happening, AGAIN! ! ! with a bit of detachment, i can avoid panic mode while i check to see if there really is a snake slithering up my leg.

wishing i had easy answers --and the words to speak them-- but? ? ? just wishing while i take ^it^ one episode at a time.

for what it's worth
this morning my hallucinations are olfactory. i keep smelling leaky septic tanks everywhere.

 

[deno]

I can’t personally relate to what you’re going through, but I hear how overwhelming this is for you. It sounds like you’re doing everything you can to navigate this, and I hope your next appointment brings you some relief.

 

[Punky143]

It really means a lot to us that you're understanding and non judgemental. I think a few previous posts showed the parts decline therefore the comments, while some might be accurate, I found them pretty insecure. I think my parts can't handle the secrets from so much trauma and it's boiling over.
I'm often confused, we are having a hard time in our marriage and with the death of our 12yr old golden that happened 8 months ago, my boss is retiring Friday and a few days ago my uncle passed away and his service is Friday as well. That alone is a complicated trauma packed story.
My parts and I are scared. We have remained hidden although I think some have suspicions. For a long time, we thought everyone was like this. Nope. We're struggling to hide our distress outside of home. We have prn but it takes forever for it to work, we isolate at work because, in my opinion, Western society continues to treat people with certain mental health dx as all or nothing and no grey and once that happens, I've never been treated the same. I've experienced a lot of floating sensations lately and I'd take that any day over feeling and seeing things. My t is on break and she deserves a break but it deeply saddens me feeling more alone.