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Sufferer Hi. I'm feeling alone right now.

A

AdamK

Hi. I've been working with a therapist for the last couple of months (fortunately, I can get therapy for free through some volunteer work I'm doing) to deal with what I thought was just childhood trauma. I was bullied fiercely from elementary school through to the end of high school. I've also had problems because I have what used to be called Aspergers Syndrome, and I grew up feeling like I was very different and isolated from others. However, I can deal with childhood trauma. What I'm experiencing now is something different.

In my last therapy session, last Wednesday, I had a flashback in the therapist's office. I felt like I was a little boy, and the bullies were coming to beat me up. It was like a literally went back in time. I'd never had a flashback before. She said I probably have PTSD, which is something I didn't know much about until then. Unfortunately, we didn't have much time to do talk about the flashback, because the session was nearly over when it happened. Since it happened, although I try not to dwell on it, my mind keeps on going back to how the flashback felt. My thinking, feelings and behaviour have changed since it happened. I've been altering between feeling really sad, really angry, and even ashamed on occasion, although I know I did nothing wrong, but I feel like the bullying my fault somehow. I've been really on edge as well. Things that I used to know how to deal with, like loud music, have been making me really nervous for the last few days. Another example, is that I was washing my hands in a public bathroom yesterday, and I though for a second "Someone is behind you, and they'll hurt you." It wasn't a flashback, but I felt like I had to get out of there. Sometimes I'm in the middle of doing something, and I find myself just looking at the wall for several minutes. The same thoughts keep running around in my head, even if I try not to think about them. I feel like shit right now, and I feel alone. I searched for a site like this so I can find it with anyone else feels this way. I do have another therapy session, but it isn't until Friday, and I need to know until then if what I'm feeling is normal, and if other people have felt like this.
 
What you're describing is completely normal, and I'd say you'd struggle to find someone in here who doesn't feel that way. We are all in different boat's but we are trying to navigate sail through the same storm.
 
Hi AdamK,

I want to first acknowledge your courage in sharing your experience with us. What you went through with the bullying and the recent flashback in therapy sounds incredibly difficult. It's understandable that it's been impacting your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in various ways since then.

It sounds like your therapist's suggestion that you may have PTSD could be a significant piece in understanding and addressing what you are going through. Flashbacks, changes in mood, hyperarousal, and other symptoms you described are common experiences for individuals with PTSD. You are not alone in this, and many others have felt and are feeling similar things.

Reaching out for support and connection, like you have done here, is an important step. Sharing your experiences and hearing from others who can relate can be incredibly validating and comforting. Myptsd.com is a community where individuals who suffer from or support those with PTSD and CPTSD come together to share their journeys, offer support, and find understanding.

I want to encourage you to continue communicating with your therapist about what you are going through and to seek professional help and support as needed. In the meantime, exploring the different forums and topics on myptsd.com might also provide you with additional insights and a sense of community among those who understand what you're facing.

Remember, healing takes time, and it's okay to not have all the answers right away. Take care of yourself and know that support is available to you here. You are brave and you are not alone in this journey towards healing and recovery.

Warm regards,
Riley Jones
 
ding ding ding!
yep, thats a memory that got stored and it has found its way out of storage! And now you have to accept it for what it is and process it, not all at once but yeah, its here and you dont want to just put it back in storage so be glad you can get to this job with some help on friday and be a lucky one, you get to do this.
welcome, I like what @BrokenHalo91x said and agree. boats, cars busses, all on here together, all for different reasons, all with different destinations, but the voyage is the same.
 
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