A
AdamK
Hi. I've been working with a therapist for the last couple of months (fortunately, I can get therapy for free through some volunteer work I'm doing) to deal with what I thought was just childhood trauma. I was bullied fiercely from elementary school through to the end of high school. I've also had problems because I have what used to be called Aspergers Syndrome, and I grew up feeling like I was very different and isolated from others. However, I can deal with childhood trauma. What I'm experiencing now is something different.
In my last therapy session, last Wednesday, I had a flashback in the therapist's office. I felt like I was a little boy, and the bullies were coming to beat me up. It was like a literally went back in time. I'd never had a flashback before. She said I probably have PTSD, which is something I didn't know much about until then. Unfortunately, we didn't have much time to do talk about the flashback, because the session was nearly over when it happened. Since it happened, although I try not to dwell on it, my mind keeps on going back to how the flashback felt. My thinking, feelings and behaviour have changed since it happened. I've been altering between feeling really sad, really angry, and even ashamed on occasion, although I know I did nothing wrong, but I feel like the bullying my fault somehow. I've been really on edge as well. Things that I used to know how to deal with, like loud music, have been making me really nervous for the last few days. Another example, is that I was washing my hands in a public bathroom yesterday, and I though for a second "Someone is behind you, and they'll hurt you." It wasn't a flashback, but I felt like I had to get out of there. Sometimes I'm in the middle of doing something, and I find myself just looking at the wall for several minutes. The same thoughts keep running around in my head, even if I try not to think about them. I feel like shit right now, and I feel alone. I searched for a site like this so I can find it with anyone else feels this way. I do have another therapy session, but it isn't until Friday, and I need to know until then if what I'm feeling is normal, and if other people have felt like this.
In my last therapy session, last Wednesday, I had a flashback in the therapist's office. I felt like I was a little boy, and the bullies were coming to beat me up. It was like a literally went back in time. I'd never had a flashback before. She said I probably have PTSD, which is something I didn't know much about until then. Unfortunately, we didn't have much time to do talk about the flashback, because the session was nearly over when it happened. Since it happened, although I try not to dwell on it, my mind keeps on going back to how the flashback felt. My thinking, feelings and behaviour have changed since it happened. I've been altering between feeling really sad, really angry, and even ashamed on occasion, although I know I did nothing wrong, but I feel like the bullying my fault somehow. I've been really on edge as well. Things that I used to know how to deal with, like loud music, have been making me really nervous for the last few days. Another example, is that I was washing my hands in a public bathroom yesterday, and I though for a second "Someone is behind you, and they'll hurt you." It wasn't a flashback, but I felt like I had to get out of there. Sometimes I'm in the middle of doing something, and I find myself just looking at the wall for several minutes. The same thoughts keep running around in my head, even if I try not to think about them. I feel like shit right now, and I feel alone. I searched for a site like this so I can find it with anyone else feels this way. I do have another therapy session, but it isn't until Friday, and I need to know until then if what I'm feeling is normal, and if other people have felt like this.