I am posting here because I really want the sufferer's point of view, especially those with combat ptsd.
To give a brief history of my situation...my husband is currently on his 3rd deployment. He left in April. Things were fine until the end of July/early August. He became distant, started smoking again, and stopped signing his emails with "love". I knew something was wrong, but he wasn't saying anything except that he was given a 2nd job. It was a security detail. He said this was the reason why he hadn't been calling.
On Aug 25 he came home for his 2 week leave. He hadn't told me he was coming so I was surprised. I was devastated when he started packing and that he was filing for divorce. I tried to get him to slow down and explain to me what was going on, but he just kept throwing out accusations like....I had so much time to think and can't live with the things you did over 9yrs ago (another story in itself but I felt everything was resolved since we stayed together), I am not in love with you, you always snub my parents, our sex life sucks, there's never money for me to go golfing or do other stuff but there is always money for things you want. He also admitted to cheating on me twice during our marriage and kept repeating that he had done terrible things to me in the marriage. He didn't explain except to say that he wasn't confessing to anything. If these things weren't hurtful enough he started to say that he didn't feel right in the head, that something was wrong with him, he needed to find a counselor who could help him figure it all out, he hated people. Then he said he tried to commit suicide and changed it to he thought about suicide a few days later. It felt like he didn't want to slow down because if he actually talked to me he would loose his nerve. He wouldn't look at me or touch me.
Since this has all started he has never given me any real explanation. He has refused all contact with me saying he was advised by his lawyer not to talk to me. I don't understand that because we are married (at least for now) and have a house, bills, and a 16yr old daughter. All things that need to be figured out. The worst is that I have not worked in several years. I wanted to get a job but he always said it was no big deal since we were financially able to live on his income. Then we had a car accident and I couldn't work.
Yesterday, Veteran's Day (how ironic), I finally started to put the pieces together. I had not been able to figure out where he stayed and who he was with when he was on leave. After reading a few Facebook messages from him to our daughter and looking at his friend list I found someone who he worked with, a woman. She had gone on leave the exact same dates as my husband. Turns our he actually got here the 24th. I went to her Facebook page, nothing was private so I could see everything. I started looking at all her comments, especially the ones from when he was on leave. The only one I could relate to the situation was the one saying she had chorizo and eggs, he loves that but wouldn't make it at home because I didn't like the smell when he cooked it. There were vague comments after that, but 2 stood out to me. The 1st was "I have finally found "the one"! Thank you for coming into my life when I needed you the most, feeling satisfied". Someone commented asking for details and all she said was when the time is right. The other was "the grass is not always greener on the other side, take deep breaths and it will all be over in 90 days..." Both of the comments are recent. The 1st was October 24 and the 2nd was last Saturday. Then yesterday she posted 2 pictures of my husband with someone he worked with at a different duty station. She tagged him, but the pictures weren't on his page.
Then it clicked! He left me for her. She is the reason he got 3 tattoos, spent our savings, drank like a fish, spent barely any time with our daughter when he was home. And she is the reason he filed for divorce. I realize that in the end it was his decision, but she must have been his sounding board. Every complaint he had about me and our marriage she probably twisted to make it worse and he already wasn't mentally stable. I think they slept together during the time he became distant. The reason he wouldn't look at me or touch me was because this was probably one of the terrible things he was referring to. He felt guilty! After putting the pieces together I realized that he had stayed with her and that all of his "new" friends were her friends.
So here's my big question...this woman is divorced twice and has 2 kids. One is 12 and the other is 3. He left one household to be with another? It makes no sense to me except that she lives how he wants to live right now. She, and her friends, are in to motorcycles, tattoos, and guns. Well when he was home he got 3 tattoos, one is a skull wearing a top hat holding the death hand of poker (she really likes skulls), one is on his ring finger, and the other is on his left wrist. It was difficult to make out from the picture. He also bought another gun and will probably get a motorcycle when he gets back. I also think he is going to move in with her permanently. Plus I am sure they all smoke.
I can't blame all this on ptsd, but I feel like it has played a role in his behavior. He has not gone to counseling on a regular basis so he has not really been treated. Is this considered uncontrolled ptsd? I feel like I have lost him forever and that he will not get help because his new friends think there is nothing wrong with him and accept him the way he is. In addition, he is so far in all of this that he can't turn back. I mean he won't have any contact with me and won't come anywhere near our house. It feels like he has written me off which really hurts because on the 24th of this month we will have been married 17yrs.
I am sorry this is so long but I would really like to hear what others have to say about all this. I just don't know what to do except take care of me and our daughter and look ahead at the future. Not what I wanted!
To give a brief history of my situation...my husband is currently on his 3rd deployment. He left in April. Things were fine until the end of July/early August. He became distant, started smoking again, and stopped signing his emails with "love". I knew something was wrong, but he wasn't saying anything except that he was given a 2nd job. It was a security detail. He said this was the reason why he hadn't been calling.
On Aug 25 he came home for his 2 week leave. He hadn't told me he was coming so I was surprised. I was devastated when he started packing and that he was filing for divorce. I tried to get him to slow down and explain to me what was going on, but he just kept throwing out accusations like....I had so much time to think and can't live with the things you did over 9yrs ago (another story in itself but I felt everything was resolved since we stayed together), I am not in love with you, you always snub my parents, our sex life sucks, there's never money for me to go golfing or do other stuff but there is always money for things you want. He also admitted to cheating on me twice during our marriage and kept repeating that he had done terrible things to me in the marriage. He didn't explain except to say that he wasn't confessing to anything. If these things weren't hurtful enough he started to say that he didn't feel right in the head, that something was wrong with him, he needed to find a counselor who could help him figure it all out, he hated people. Then he said he tried to commit suicide and changed it to he thought about suicide a few days later. It felt like he didn't want to slow down because if he actually talked to me he would loose his nerve. He wouldn't look at me or touch me.
Since this has all started he has never given me any real explanation. He has refused all contact with me saying he was advised by his lawyer not to talk to me. I don't understand that because we are married (at least for now) and have a house, bills, and a 16yr old daughter. All things that need to be figured out. The worst is that I have not worked in several years. I wanted to get a job but he always said it was no big deal since we were financially able to live on his income. Then we had a car accident and I couldn't work.
Yesterday, Veteran's Day (how ironic), I finally started to put the pieces together. I had not been able to figure out where he stayed and who he was with when he was on leave. After reading a few Facebook messages from him to our daughter and looking at his friend list I found someone who he worked with, a woman. She had gone on leave the exact same dates as my husband. Turns our he actually got here the 24th. I went to her Facebook page, nothing was private so I could see everything. I started looking at all her comments, especially the ones from when he was on leave. The only one I could relate to the situation was the one saying she had chorizo and eggs, he loves that but wouldn't make it at home because I didn't like the smell when he cooked it. There were vague comments after that, but 2 stood out to me. The 1st was "I have finally found "the one"! Thank you for coming into my life when I needed you the most, feeling satisfied". Someone commented asking for details and all she said was when the time is right. The other was "the grass is not always greener on the other side, take deep breaths and it will all be over in 90 days..." Both of the comments are recent. The 1st was October 24 and the 2nd was last Saturday. Then yesterday she posted 2 pictures of my husband with someone he worked with at a different duty station. She tagged him, but the pictures weren't on his page.
Then it clicked! He left me for her. She is the reason he got 3 tattoos, spent our savings, drank like a fish, spent barely any time with our daughter when he was home. And she is the reason he filed for divorce. I realize that in the end it was his decision, but she must have been his sounding board. Every complaint he had about me and our marriage she probably twisted to make it worse and he already wasn't mentally stable. I think they slept together during the time he became distant. The reason he wouldn't look at me or touch me was because this was probably one of the terrible things he was referring to. He felt guilty! After putting the pieces together I realized that he had stayed with her and that all of his "new" friends were her friends.
So here's my big question...this woman is divorced twice and has 2 kids. One is 12 and the other is 3. He left one household to be with another? It makes no sense to me except that she lives how he wants to live right now. She, and her friends, are in to motorcycles, tattoos, and guns. Well when he was home he got 3 tattoos, one is a skull wearing a top hat holding the death hand of poker (she really likes skulls), one is on his ring finger, and the other is on his left wrist. It was difficult to make out from the picture. He also bought another gun and will probably get a motorcycle when he gets back. I also think he is going to move in with her permanently. Plus I am sure they all smoke.
I can't blame all this on ptsd, but I feel like it has played a role in his behavior. He has not gone to counseling on a regular basis so he has not really been treated. Is this considered uncontrolled ptsd? I feel like I have lost him forever and that he will not get help because his new friends think there is nothing wrong with him and accept him the way he is. In addition, he is so far in all of this that he can't turn back. I mean he won't have any contact with me and won't come anywhere near our house. It feels like he has written me off which really hurts because on the 24th of this month we will have been married 17yrs.
I am sorry this is so long but I would really like to hear what others have to say about all this. I just don't know what to do except take care of me and our daughter and look ahead at the future. Not what I wanted!
