Financial Abuse - Roommate Extortion - Dropping Out Last Semester

[anonymous]

You're probably not going to like this, but it's me being honest with you. Take it or leave it, whichever suits you.

There are no quick fixes. You want to go on disability? You need to see a doctor. It doesn't matter if you think it's silly or a waste of money. You need to do what they tell you you need to do.

You want to know why no one seems to take you seriously and look at you like a malingerer?
Because you sound like one.

Before you get into a huff over what I said, remember I'm just some guy on the Internet. It doesn't matter what I think of you.
If you are serious about getting your life in order, you need to put effort into it.

Quite simply, if you only go to a doctor when you are in a "breakdown". One which doesn't appear to affect your school work. It makes you look like a script chaser.

The whole point of mental health services, is to provide you with tools to assist you with the next "breakdown" to prevent it from being as bad.
But. Yes, there's always a but. It takes lots of work and effort on your part.
If you aren't willing to put in 100% to help yourself. Then yes, you're wasting your time.

If you want is to have people fawn over you, telling you they're sorry about your situation?
Please put so in the title of your threads. That way people like me, who aren't going to just pour pity on you, know to just not bother replying.

You want advice? Listen to people like joeylittle or Fadeaway.

Want pity? Well, I don't know why anyone would want that.

 

[TalentedButNuts]

You're probably not going to like this, but it's me being honest with you. Take it or leave it, which...

I see doctors more often when I am in a good spot... I usually don't go during crisis. I don't want to go on disability... I want advice on where to take my life. I struggle more with not knowing or not understanding the logistical issues with getting help. Yet another person that just assumes that we're all today aware of the process available to help those in crisis. Not once did I say that anyone thought that I was a malingerer... I mean I have documented hospital reports that I was involved in serious head trauma. I said that they don't "get it." It's not about putting forth the effort, it's about being completely confused about where to put that effort without it being time wasted or other problems mushrooming into future disasters. I have little social support to guide and parented myself largely through the internet, so I sometimes apply the wrong advice to my situation. Yet another goober "boot camp" "buck up" comment. Keep it to yourself next time. You offered nothing specific to help the problem, so how would I take your "get it together" comments as anything other than a condescending put down?

 

[TalentedButNuts]

Just keep the other negative replies to yourselves. After being a long time lurker, I thought that maybe I might be able to get some positive advice; this place has made me feel far worse than interacting with the larger community. At least they have the ignorance excuse when speaking to people about symptoms. I've done nothing but defend my story on here, and have heard little in the way of constructive, specific advice. I will keep my posts to myself in the future; thanks for making the isolation feeling worse. Good bye.

 

[TalentedButNuts]

A footnote: Talk like that that is condescending without any added direction with it (ie, telling me that I'm a disingenuous or doing something wrong without adding the correct answer that's specific - not a general "put forth effort") is why I sometimes shy away from "help." It's a lot more demoralizing when someone in healthcare or that's familiar with the illness says that without really listening to me. My old doctor left the practice around the time that all of this started, and it took me awhile to breakthrough with her replacement. Same story as you guys, but after many months she finally began to understand. It's still a pain to go through that period, though.

 

[anonymous]

I am only going to clarify one thing.

I said "looks like". I didn't say I don't believe you are suffering, because I do.

From your description it looks like you aren't putting in effort.

 

[TalentedButNuts]

I am only going to clarify one thing.

I said "looks like". I didn't say I don't believe you are suf...

I wasn't saying that I wasn't. I definitely am not, in fact. Not from a lack of will, but from confusion/anxiety about picking the right path and right responsibility to tackle. I'm definitely at a point (and it's only getting worse by not taking action) where I'm probably going to have to ignore some things that need taken care of in order to succeed with others that are more important long term.

 

[The Albatross]

Yes, this: "I'm definitely at a point (and it's only getting worse by not taking action) where I'm probably going to have to ignore some things that need taken care of in order to succeed with others that are more important long term." :tup::tup:

It is a tangle of situations, to be sure. Though optimal to prioritize based on necessity... sometimes I have had to prioritize where I can be effective and resolve an issue even when it was lower down than an immediate need. Sometimes a couple, so that I can get the experience of accomplishment and try to hold that thought as I tackle the other stuff.

I would also suggest that when in crisis might ought to be the most disadvantageous time to discontinue with a shrink. Maybe something to revisit.

I'm not operating on all cylinders myself here lately, but read your situation and know that all posters are genuinely trying to assist and give honest feedback to you. Hope you can work through all these things and will hang on for support.

 

[TalentedButNuts]

Yes, this: "I'm definitely at a point (and it's only getting worse by not taking action) where I'...

I'm aware that all of them are trying to help. I'm just reactive because my situation has a lot of nuance that happens to come off as pity seeking a lot of the times when really it's to provide enough details for good advice. I have a lot of drive and ambition, but I frequently take on way more than I can handle when I have few symptoms which leads to my life falling apart when outside crisises beyond my control intervene.

It's just frustrating to constantly seek advice on where to put my effort. For example, I've finally decided that with this roommate situation, I'm just going to pay him the money and move on. If the police want to intervene at a later date, then I might be open to that. He can at most get like $1500 out of me and the stress and anxiety of dealing with it and thought of having all my dirty laundry presented in a court room just isn't worth what is at most two paychecks at a minimum wage job. I've made more than that in one weekend just playing poker... It isn't worth the additional torment even if I am the victim. Hell, I had someone almost succeed in murdering me at one point in time and learn to let that go. Why am I driving myself crazy over this if I don't live with him anymore? Unless there are consequences to losing in small claims beyond just paying money.

The overall dilemma:

Another aspect of not knowing where to put my energy is my schooling and career choice that few people have even thought of before going right to the "tough love." When all of this roommate mess started, I was at a point where I had no intention of using my degree for its intended purposes. Without sounding boastful, I'm really talented in quite a few areas and often times get strong opinions/encouragement to pursue paths that are conflicting. The bureaucracies involved in academic research settings, just being around the university apparatus, having spent so many years not being challenged academically, and the dubious moral standing of many of the biotech megacorps that pay sufficiently really sucked the fun, excitement, creativity, and hope of helping people out of the field for me.

This feeling directly coincided with a time where I was heavily focused on getting back into drawing/painting and had many people (strangers in public, online social media, and professionals in several fields) offer me money to produce artwork when I had put in almost zero marketing effort. Like I said... not to sound boastful. I've always done it as an outlet since before I can remember, and I guess that at some point I got really good at drawing/painting without realizing that I might actually have a chance to make a lucrative career out of it. Additionally, I have significant contacts in the music industry (people in or who deal with big time bands) in Los Angeles that have offered to get me design work if I move out there. I always said that I could do it as a career change, but never gave it serious thought long term. I didn't take their offers because I figured that I would just finish the last few classes for chemistry, get a job teaching, and approach the art career when my finances were in better order (when my debts were manageable but still needed address - right around time that I met rooommate). I had already invested money, was only a semester away, and figured it would at least give me a degree for security. Now I feel totally enslaved to it, and don't even have an idea of my path to finish it and have totally ruined my health in the process. I still have people throughout the western US and Canada contact me about producing artwork but don't know how that situation fairs long term... which sucks because even when creating for other people, it really helps my symptoms.

So yeah... I get where they're coming from with the "buck up" comments, but it's more along the lines of me being at a mental crisis, life crisis, and career crisis without knowing what I really want in life that's still viable to solve those problems. Cheers.