Danielle Allyson
New Here
Hello. this is my very first post. and quite honestly, im nervous. But I love what I have read from everybody so far. I can most definetly relate.
My bf and I have been together for 3 years. He served in 05 to Iraq, as a combat engineer with 7 years active duty. Let me just start by saying he is the most amazing man I have ever laid eyes on. He Is the best father, (children from previous marriage), Lover, Provider, soldier, brother, and son. Everything I could ever hope in a future husband.
For the first 2 years we were inseparable. We had our share of bumpy roads, but we always seemed to get past it. He had shared very few, non detailed stories of his deployment. I never questioned him about it, because he made it clear he didnt feel comfortable talking to me about. And I was ok with it.
He got out of the army almost a year ago. Since then, it has been a struggle to get used to civilian life. We faced money problems, housing problems, family and friends problems. Nothing seemed to go our way. Its like we ran into the worst patch of bad luck. But all the while in the mess, we still managed to have fun and be lovers. Im not perfect, I'm far from it.
I was diagnosed with Bi polar dissorder about 6 months ago. I do have meds. and it does work, but the times I wasnt taking it, were the times we faught. I admit it.
Well, it wasnt until 4 months ago when we moved to south florida that I saw first hand his PTSD outbrake. I've dealt with his nightmares and sleep talking, but 4 months ago, he was at his local vfw, and somebody there said something he wasnt supposed to. They have strict rules about talking about deployments in the vfw clubhouse. It really hit my bf, and stuck to him mentally. He was really good about hiding his feelings. He has a very manly man personality. and doesnt like to show weakness in front of me. I had no idea how it was hurting him inside.
A week later, we had a small argument, nothing even that bad, and he flipped the house upside down. I was so scared and crying in a corner. He finally realized what had happened, and was so apologetic. Of course, I love him with all my heart, and I knew it wasn't his fault.
We went and talked to a close friend of his who was the chaplin of the vfw post. It worked for a few weeks.
As the time went on, we struggled with bills, his ex keeping his kids from him, school, job hunting. Every time we took 3 steps forward, we went 4 steps backwards. It put a strain on our relationship, and we would fight and say things we wouldnt mean. We never once stopped loving each other, we were just stressed.
To add to our bad luck, a family member of his had passed away. He was the only person my bf was comfortable talking to. He too was a veteran. and he loved him very much. He was devastated. and to add to it, the GI Bill had cut off our housing allowance, and he was losing relationship with his kids. It wasnt his fault. He loves those children more than life itself.
I was more because of the Army and after the divorce, the ex, was very bitter and kept them from him.
Anyhow, he fell deep into a depression, and of course was hiding it from me. At the time, I was out of town, and I knew better than to leave him alone, but he had convinced me he was ok. So I went. I came home to an empty house, and while gone I received an email saying he had ot leave me to figure himself out and fix his relationship with his kids. He didnt know who he was. He assured me I still owned his heart and he still loves me, but he just had to go away for a bit. I asked him if we would ever be together again after he saught help, and he said he wouldnt say yes or no. Just to take one step at a time.
I was never more confused and worried in my life. I had lost my best friend. Everyone would tell us we acted as if we were married just without the paperwork, and I truly believed it. We had everything anybody would want in a relationship. Its been a week now, and after time to think, I finally understand the pressure he was under. Im angry with how he went about it. But I know how good he is about hiding his feelings. So if I had been home he would never be able to go get the help he needs. It would be too hard for him to do it in my face. Im not trying to make excuses for him, but I still know deep down he does love and misses me. And I still know that if this were not happening in his head we would be together.
I dont have any blame torwards him, non at all, because I know how strong of a man he is. He will go get the help he said he would. Until then, I gotta move on and take care of myself while hes doing the same. Thats why I am here.
I reached out to my doc from back at home, and he refered me to this site. Im moving back in with my family and gonna finish off my schooling while he figures things out. I tell him almost everyday I love him. and I support him always. He wont say I love you back, but he explained it that if he were to, he would get all emotional again, and it would trigger thoughts, and I already know he does.
We talk as friends now, only because this is our time for healing and rekindling relationships with others. It good to know that he hasnt fully cut me out of his life,
and he keeps me updated with what he does and his journey. I know God put him in my life for a reason. and were meant to be with eachother. He has made me into a better person and christian. I will always be thankful for him. This is just the work of God, to test us on our strength, and to eventually make a more stabble foundation in our relationship. Ive told him Im gonna move on with my life, but my heart and body will wait for him till God says were ready.
My advice to anybody who has a similar story is to, never stop supporting. always remind them your their friend first. because the thought of a relationship sometimes adds more stress to their deeper issues.
Its ok to say I love you. love heals everything, but dont get upset if they dont say it back. Next would be to, not throw their information out to others. You may think your helping by trying to reach out, but infact, your just pushing them away. Thats where the support from YOU comes in. They dont wanna be drowned with everybody knowing their business, and asking if theyre ok.
Finally, I would say to keep your faith. anybody who has truly been in love will know deep down in their heart if he or she is in fact "the one". He is mine and thats why im willing to give him space, and room to breathe.
Trust me when I say I cried non stop for 5 days, barley could get out of bed. But life goes on and doesnt stop for anybody. If they are worth the wait, than the ride is well worth it.
No matter how bumpy, keep strong everyone. Life and love is a beautiful thing. never give up on it.
My bf and I have been together for 3 years. He served in 05 to Iraq, as a combat engineer with 7 years active duty. Let me just start by saying he is the most amazing man I have ever laid eyes on. He Is the best father, (children from previous marriage), Lover, Provider, soldier, brother, and son. Everything I could ever hope in a future husband.
For the first 2 years we were inseparable. We had our share of bumpy roads, but we always seemed to get past it. He had shared very few, non detailed stories of his deployment. I never questioned him about it, because he made it clear he didnt feel comfortable talking to me about. And I was ok with it.
He got out of the army almost a year ago. Since then, it has been a struggle to get used to civilian life. We faced money problems, housing problems, family and friends problems. Nothing seemed to go our way. Its like we ran into the worst patch of bad luck. But all the while in the mess, we still managed to have fun and be lovers. Im not perfect, I'm far from it.
I was diagnosed with Bi polar dissorder about 6 months ago. I do have meds. and it does work, but the times I wasnt taking it, were the times we faught. I admit it.
Well, it wasnt until 4 months ago when we moved to south florida that I saw first hand his PTSD outbrake. I've dealt with his nightmares and sleep talking, but 4 months ago, he was at his local vfw, and somebody there said something he wasnt supposed to. They have strict rules about talking about deployments in the vfw clubhouse. It really hit my bf, and stuck to him mentally. He was really good about hiding his feelings. He has a very manly man personality. and doesnt like to show weakness in front of me. I had no idea how it was hurting him inside.
A week later, we had a small argument, nothing even that bad, and he flipped the house upside down. I was so scared and crying in a corner. He finally realized what had happened, and was so apologetic. Of course, I love him with all my heart, and I knew it wasn't his fault.
We went and talked to a close friend of his who was the chaplin of the vfw post. It worked for a few weeks.
As the time went on, we struggled with bills, his ex keeping his kids from him, school, job hunting. Every time we took 3 steps forward, we went 4 steps backwards. It put a strain on our relationship, and we would fight and say things we wouldnt mean. We never once stopped loving each other, we were just stressed.
To add to our bad luck, a family member of his had passed away. He was the only person my bf was comfortable talking to. He too was a veteran. and he loved him very much. He was devastated. and to add to it, the GI Bill had cut off our housing allowance, and he was losing relationship with his kids. It wasnt his fault. He loves those children more than life itself.
I was more because of the Army and after the divorce, the ex, was very bitter and kept them from him.
Anyhow, he fell deep into a depression, and of course was hiding it from me. At the time, I was out of town, and I knew better than to leave him alone, but he had convinced me he was ok. So I went. I came home to an empty house, and while gone I received an email saying he had ot leave me to figure himself out and fix his relationship with his kids. He didnt know who he was. He assured me I still owned his heart and he still loves me, but he just had to go away for a bit. I asked him if we would ever be together again after he saught help, and he said he wouldnt say yes or no. Just to take one step at a time.
I was never more confused and worried in my life. I had lost my best friend. Everyone would tell us we acted as if we were married just without the paperwork, and I truly believed it. We had everything anybody would want in a relationship. Its been a week now, and after time to think, I finally understand the pressure he was under. Im angry with how he went about it. But I know how good he is about hiding his feelings. So if I had been home he would never be able to go get the help he needs. It would be too hard for him to do it in my face. Im not trying to make excuses for him, but I still know deep down he does love and misses me. And I still know that if this were not happening in his head we would be together.
I dont have any blame torwards him, non at all, because I know how strong of a man he is. He will go get the help he said he would. Until then, I gotta move on and take care of myself while hes doing the same. Thats why I am here.
I reached out to my doc from back at home, and he refered me to this site. Im moving back in with my family and gonna finish off my schooling while he figures things out. I tell him almost everyday I love him. and I support him always. He wont say I love you back, but he explained it that if he were to, he would get all emotional again, and it would trigger thoughts, and I already know he does.
We talk as friends now, only because this is our time for healing and rekindling relationships with others. It good to know that he hasnt fully cut me out of his life,
and he keeps me updated with what he does and his journey. I know God put him in my life for a reason. and were meant to be with eachother. He has made me into a better person and christian. I will always be thankful for him. This is just the work of God, to test us on our strength, and to eventually make a more stabble foundation in our relationship. Ive told him Im gonna move on with my life, but my heart and body will wait for him till God says were ready.
My advice to anybody who has a similar story is to, never stop supporting. always remind them your their friend first. because the thought of a relationship sometimes adds more stress to their deeper issues.
Its ok to say I love you. love heals everything, but dont get upset if they dont say it back. Next would be to, not throw their information out to others. You may think your helping by trying to reach out, but infact, your just pushing them away. Thats where the support from YOU comes in. They dont wanna be drowned with everybody knowing their business, and asking if theyre ok.
Finally, I would say to keep your faith. anybody who has truly been in love will know deep down in their heart if he or she is in fact "the one". He is mine and thats why im willing to give him space, and room to breathe.
Trust me when I say I cried non stop for 5 days, barley could get out of bed. But life goes on and doesnt stop for anybody. If they are worth the wait, than the ride is well worth it.
No matter how bumpy, keep strong everyone. Life and love is a beautiful thing. never give up on it.
