Flashbacks

[Deleted member 27340]

I've got some visual and sensory stuff bothering me, my T says she thinks they are flashbacks but I don't want to call them that. Just to answer that question already, I'm denying things.

How can you identify something as a flashback?

 

[FindingMyself88]

I find for me to be able to distinguish between intrusive memories and flashbacks is do I just see it, or do I feel like I am back there again. For me, I have a LOT of body memories with my flashbacks- so that is another clue.

I'm not sure your reasons for denying, but for me it actually helped me to acknowledge them as flashbacks. It made it easier to get out of them quicker by telling myself over and over "It's just a flashback, its not happening now."

I am so sorry you are experiencing these, flashbacks are horrible. Keep working with you T, you can get through them!

 

[illusionist]

A flashback to me is something that produces a reaction in my body that is not appropriate to what I'm looking at, hearing, touching, or smelling. For instance, looking at a friendly, happy, non confrontational man wearing Jesus sandals.....I feel terror, panic and actually feel my body wanting to cower down, I've actually disguised the cowering up by saying I'm cold. The Jesus sandals send my mind back to 45 years ago. The man I am looking at has done nothing at all to produce this fear in me. I'm far better now at dealing with these situations, by recognising them.

If I see a bunch of roses in a crystal cut vase it I feel sad, lost and lonely...and smell furniture polish mixed with cooking smells of boiled cabbage. I can only guess where that one comes from, but have a fair idea.

 

[Deleted member 27340]

@FindingMyself88 ...like if you're walking home from a friend alone and crying with pictures in your head and then it suddenly actually feels like you're being touched? Or the same thing if you're suddenly feeling a lot more dirty than usual and then there are hands there too...?

I deny because I don't want it to be real. Yeah, I guess that would be an upside to acknowledging both them and the experiences.
I'll keep going to my T even though it, so far, doesn't feel beneficial.

@richter scale I've got a lot of those things too. If a woman has short and thin hair I will be sceptical and careful around her, supervising everything she does and says. Ironically I've got short hair myself. Fortunately it's not thin.

 

[illusionist]

Yes I've had the pictures in my head with the feelings of being touched and the emotions that go with it. Had a lot of these in the early days when I was going through counceling....these have gone now. They went after I had dealt with what was behind them....took a long time, but they did go.

 

[Deleted member 27340]

I find it hard to imagine being over it all. And not being depressed. All of this is just part of me, to the point that I fear recovery.

 

[FindingMyself88]

Yes, it does sound like flashbacks. With intrusive memories, I see them but have no physical connection to them and I know I'm not there. With flashbacks, I don't always know I'm not there until im coming out of them.

 

[illusionist]

I wouldn't say I'm fully recovered, it's been, and is still sometimes a battle....but my life has become more manageable....so you fear losing part of you, what you know as being you?

 

[Deleted member 27340]

@FindingMyself88 Can it be like, it's not clear in details and stuff it's just that the little your mind has got is just completely overwhelming you and taking over everything you can think of so that you lose touch with reality for a little while? The pictures and all are blurry and knowing what's actually going on is impossible but everything you see and feel (body and emotion) is connected to that bad thing and it's either taking up so much you can barely pay attention to the now, or completely taking over everything? Uh I guess that's about what you're describing I just need to get it confirmed.

so you fear losing part of you, what you know as being you?

Yes, exactly! You have no idea how good it felt to hear you understand it that well and that easily like yeah... you know what I mean :hug:

 

[illusionist]

You fear that you will be expected to live this totally fulfilling life where you push yourself to the limits, try everything without hinderence, take chances, work towards a successful bright future ?.....but you think it's not possible? .....so while we are under our black cloud we don't or can't do it? If we lose this black cloud we will be forced to aim for the above? So in some way our illness protects us from even having to think of all that?

 

[Friday]

I find it hard to imagine being over it all. And not being depressed. All of this is just part of me, to the point that I fear recovery.

Truth : The parts you like? You get to keep.

 

[Deleted member 27340]

So in some way our illness protects us from even having to think of all that?

Not really it's just part of me and I'm afraid what will happen if I lose it... It's so important to my existence as a being, without it I'll disappear. It's all I've got.

Truth : The parts you like? You get to keep.

...what if there's nothing to keep? I don't have an identity.