Fond Memory Of Abuser Confuses Me

[scout86]

On the idea of adults being "groomed". I heard a radio program yesterday that dealt with child sexual abuse. They mentioned that the perps often groom the parents. Get them to where they trust the perp enough to believe the child is safe with them, etc. It's not about being smart. Successful 'bad guys' do not run around wearing "I'm a bad guy" T shirts. They don't have horns & a forked tall. The really good ones are charming and nice, that's how they succeed.

 

[Sideways]

The really good ones are charming and nice, that's how they succeed.

Totally agree. Unfortunately, not every person who is charming and nice and is proactive about earning a person's trust turns out to be an abuser using grooming techniques. They sometimes turn out to be someone we can trust, who happens to have good interpersonal skills.

Trusting someone who behaves like they're trustworthy and sincere is normal and healthy. So in my mind, there's nothing stupid about children or adults being drawn in by "grooming" techniques. Falling for my abuser's mind games is still something I need to learn to forgive myself for, but conceptually, I can see that actually, I was just trusting someone who was behaving like a person who cared about me a lot.

 

[I_will_recover]

I was just trusting someone who was behaving like a person who cared about me a lot.

Yeah...:sorry:
And I so wanted/needed (still need) that because I didn't get it as a child :cry:
Thank you @Ragdoll Circus

 

[Freedomfighter]

I searched my memory for meaningful interaction with grown ups and was both astonished, and appalled with...

Yep, that is how my dad controlled me too, and now I am researching about such people. I now understand that people use all kinds of tricks like that, they show empathy to others while attempting to find new victims to abuse.

The only thing, the only thing that time has shown me over and over again is the fact that the ones who attempt to overpower you, the ones that attempt to kill off your thinking apparatus, the ones that pressure you to do something quickly are always the ones you have to look at with caution.

I am amazed at how nice predators can be, a whole new category of predators that I have to be weary about. But when I had to confront a vicious predator like that it made me realize what really counts: there are people that pretend they will be with a person through thick and thin, and then there are people that prove it. I prefer the latter kind.