General Free Therapy

[BewitchedBewildered]

My ex is ex-Navy, but his PTSD is due to his service and a very abusive childhood. He has done private therapy before, but as mostly Anger Management, not PTSD focused although they did diagnose him with it.

My question is does anyone have any suggestions for free or inexpensive therapy options besides the VA In the US?

I appreciate any guidance you can provide. I've done some looking online and it just seems they only refer you to only the VA or Military sources only. I want to try to help him go back to therapy and I think chances are better of getting him to go back if it's not the VA. I know he will only go back if he's ready, but we have to talk about it. And I want to be able to give him options.

Also, any suggestions on the best way to approach the topic would be appreciated as well. Thank you.

 

[Bookoffee]

I work for a non-profit mental health agency and we offer free therapy for the student interns with close supervision of a licensed clinician. If you live by any small or large mental health agency I would start there and ask if they offer free therapy from student interns.

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

Thank you!

 

[Justmehere]

You can also call your nearest United Way (or any United Way) and in most areas, they have lists of free or low cost counseling services.

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

Thank you!! Any suggestions on the best way to approach the topic?

 

[Friday]

There are a whole lot of free, sliding scale, & inexpensive options out there. They just don't usually advertise (for obvious reasons : too little time & not enough money), so you really have to seek them out. From religious organizations that don't require membership, non-profits, specialty clinics, university student & intern groups, state facilities, outreach programs, etc.

My problem with them as a whole, is the same durn problem I have with the VA... It's hit or miss, and miss is far more common. Because who you see is based almost entirely on luck.

Therapy is one of the most subjective things out there. If you can afford to pay, then you have the freedom to wade through hundreds of options (if you're in a big city) to find the handful best suited to your needs (including clicking personality-wise, again, subjective field makes this pretty vital). It's still often a long, frustrating, and time consuming process to find a good therapist. When you can't afford to pay? It's very much luck of the draw + tenacity & perseverance. After often months of waiting lists, and runarounds, evals and interviews... You get assigned to someone. Who may be amazing. Super rare. More commonly, they're okay. (Unless they're leaving in 2 weeks. Then they're usually stellar. ) And fairly often, they're hands down awful. Making the situation so much worse than it was before, and building up one more wall of resistance to getting therapy ever again.

So while there are dozens, of low income options available in most cities... Unless you just happen to get really, really lucky this is going to be a bit of a process. Thick skins are needed. As is patience. Neither tend to be in high (or at least consistent) supply with PTSD.

Which is one way to approach it. A lot of friends / family think (or at least act as if) "getting therapy" is as easy as going to the doctor for a broken leg. You just go. It's not simply knowing help is needed. It's being able to find competant help. And being willing to let a 1st year medical,student operate on your baby, and not be upset when he botches it. Take your next kid to a different guy who doesn't have his license and not be freaked out about it.

Not intending to be Debbie Downer, here. It's simply that it's not a simple thing. Wish it were.

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

Thank you for that. Honestly, that's my biggest consern. If he went back to therapy and that T wasn't competent or gave incorrect info like his last or just wasn't a good fit, it would be done. I cannot see him going through trial and error. But he doesn't have medical ins, so a private one would be cost prohibitive.

Just from a bit of research I've done some therapistist PTSD in their specialties, but when you actually call they don't really have much experience with it. I'm in therapy and started when we were still together and found it hard to find someone with some PTSD experience. I even went to one a few times who it became apparent knew little to nothing past the basics about dealing with someone with it.

And add to it all that I believe my ex has complex PTSD (don't care if it is APA approved term). He experienced his deepest traumas in his formative years.

I don't know, it just seems so hard even just trying to find him some real help options. And confusing and full of hoops to jump and red tape. Sorry, just frustrated with our system.

It is so hard to even want to ask for help and then when it's hard to find it on top of that... It makes me very angry. But I will keep looking at what's out there just in case.

 

[Friday]

I know that's exactly the kind of hand holding that I needed (didn't want it, but needed it!). I couldn't sift, sort, or discriminate through all the different options. It just became and overwhelming wall of blankness. Lol. Like listening to adults talk in Charlie Brown. Wahn wah wahn. :confused::wacky::hungover: :sleep: Once a short list was complied, though... And I could just vet them in person? With the understanding that this was a look-see? That I could handle.

Not saying the same is true for your Ex. We're all different. But for me, that's what I needed.

A resource I forgot to mention are the social workers at your local (or nearby best) hospital. They compile resources (people, funding, etc.) as a huge part of their job. A good friend of mine in that job said it was about 80% of her daily work. 80% resources, 10% patient contact. 10% case management. Course, the 20% took up most of her working day. The rest was off hours and at home. But without the resource database, she couldn't do the rest of her job (finding treatment for people).

You can lead a horse to water, whether or not he chooses to drink is on him.

 

[Seasounds]

Your care is so valuable, and adds hope to your ex's circumstances.

Questions:

• Is you ex open to return to therapy?; this is essential to have his 'will' gradually moving in conjunction with your efforts.
• Group therapy could still be beneficial, as could individual therapy. It depends on what he wants, and what situation (and people) he responds best to.
• Since you ex was evaluated with PTSD, he could qualify for disability benefits. Look into this
• If the VA asks him to be re-evaluated. know that whether or not he had childhood trauma or PTSD symptoms, prior to serving in the Navy, is not important to report. In fact, best to report his symptoms during or after serving. (In research, it is known that childhood trauma predisposes vets to experiencing PTSD from serving.

Thoughts:

• If he goes in for re-evaluation, since he may under report his symptoms, please coach him to rate his symptoms appropriately (i.e. if any symptoms distract him from having normal behaviors or feeling happy, he is already at a level 5, 6 or greater, on a scale of 10.
• Please google or search, on this site, symptoms of PTSD, so you can go through the symptoms, with your ex; he needs to know what symptoms to report, and what will help him qualify. Many people under report their symptoms.

He can generate hope for his circumstances, and network for therapists, by meeting other vets. If he needs, you can accompany him to free groups, just to network with other vets (not because he qualifies for the below groups, or has interest in attending them regularly):

• 12 step meetings-vets are there, vets speak out. He can approach someone at the end of the meeting. If he spoke at a meeting and shared, that would stimulate responses. (AA and Alanon groups, etc.) AA group members know what it is like to 'hit bottom'. Their 'shares' generate much compassion for anyone, who is suffering. You may need to go to a few meetings, to find a group your ex likes.
• 'Meet-up' groups; google for your area (PTSD, Vets, etc.) You or he, could start one.
• Does he like to meet with others, who have similar interests? Group involvement can add a level of support, even if the group is not related to PTSD.
• Google 'PTSD Groups for Vets'. It isn't individual therapy, but it can be a stepping stone, to it.

Regarding therapy:

• I have negotiated very low therapy costs, or trades for therapy (not ideal, but it happens). Ask the therapist, at a phone or intro session, if the therapist can work for reduced fees.
• Ministers, may know of therapists in their church, who may know of therapists, who work at reduced fees. Often, you don't need to be a member, or a Christian.
• I have found it crucial, in asking for reduced fees, to present myself as sincere, accountable, and committed to therapy. Reliability, in regularly showing up, was crucial.
• It is a good thing, that your ex, has some Anger Management work, under his belt. Tools to manage anger, and development of sensitivity, to his signs of stress, directly apply to, and empower him, to live with PTSD.

Good luck!

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

Thank you so much, you brought up lots of issues I had not considered. I really appreciate all of the feedback and suggestions!

He did do a lot of work in his therapy for anger management, but was told by the AM Therapist that he could not improve his depression/ isolation/ and numbing tendencies without medication at the same time he told him he was moving out of town and could not work with him anymore. I do not believe what that therapist said. And I hate that my ex feels "this is the best he can hope for" since, like so many, he is resistant to medication. He actually copes very well most of the time, but when the stress gets high as life does, the depression follows with almost complete shutdown of emotions. All of his energy goes to basic human functions - eating, sleeping, and working. Everything else is avoided. Mostly it was a month here and there, but the last time lasted 13 months. I'm hoping this last episode might be enough to lead him to seek more help again.

I know I can't make him seek help, if I could things would be easier for me, but not him. I'm very nervous about letting him back in my life. But, I figure if he reached out to me after 13 months of isolation, he must trust me a little. I just want to be prepared with options and help if I get an opportunity to offer it.

Thank you again