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Gearing up for EMDR

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KwanYingirl

MyPTSD Pro
A few weeks ago I literally collapsed on my longtime Ts couch and said please help me I’m so depressed and have been for months. There was an intrusive memory that was haunting me, running over me, over and over. I tried everything I could think of to make it stop. Then later that day I begged my Shaman to help me. This memory won’t go away. So they had a chat and my T said it’s time to talk about EMDR. At first I was elated I’d been working and waiting to be grounded most of the time and finally he believes that we can do some preliminary work around containment and self care. Hooray I’m thinking. I never thought I could get grounded but my Shaman and masseause work on my chakras and we do shamanic journeys I have my spirit animals and my pal, an older indigenous Man who guides me.
Then as quick as a wink I put on the brakes. No no I’m not well enough, I still disossiate. Classic approach-avoid dilemma. Come on come on KYG your guides say it’s time, this is good news. Ach! What did I do? I cancelled two weeks of therapy but continued with my Shaman. Journeys are so helpful and a super cool time when I’m down in lower world with my Shaman onher stallion.
We’ve decided to do reiki the night before my therapy session and work on grounding tricks. But you know approach-avoid that’s been a close friend of mine forever. Taking any advice from the forum on gearing up for EMDR.
 
Following this thread as I'm in the same boat with you, @KwanYingirl :hug:
Gearing up for starting EMDR for the first time.

I know it's the right next step for where I am, and I know T and I have now built a foundation where we can begin to process things, but I'm properly in denial that I'm actually going to be doing it :whistling:
 
Hi @bellbird it’s thrilling to be told I have the skills but I’m going in slow with something like one of my phobias-seeing how it works with something that doesn’t overwhelm me. Keep posting. I’ll be doing my first work next Tuesday.
 
Good luck with the EMDR folks. I've just gotten through one theme, and I feel so much better about it than I ever have. It's a real game changer for me.

You really should have a really good grasp of grounding techniques before you start, along with the techniques you know that work best for you specifically. Because you're definitely going to need them. EMDR requires dredging up your worst stuff and is likely to make you feel much worse initially before you can let go. Don't be surprised if you dysregulate and get symptomatic.

The good news is that if you can get through that, you can get that discomfort level down to a zero, and your worst fears can just really become old history. It worked for me.
 
I've been in it for 2 years and counting -- and I won't lie. It can be pretty awful. But your t should start by building up grounding skills so you can use those to distract and ground when it gets tough. Plan on taking time to care for yourself afterwards -- eat well, lots of water, rest, blah blah. It usually knocks me on my ass for about 24 hours then I bounce back.

With that being said --- it is completely worth it! When it works all those horrible thoughts are just... old memories that don't really bother you anymore. They just no longer matter. It's incredible!
 
My EMDR sessions are followed a day or too later by a short session where we handle anything that got stirred up by the EMDR. That seems to be extra important for those of us with dissociation. Making sure that the EMDR doesn't send us off to a place that we can't manage. I haven't done much EMDR work recently because some of the EMDR work opened up new parts, and those new parts have been learning to talk to each other. We've been working so much on the parts interacting that EMDR is taking a back seat for now. But I know that there are still a bunch of things I want to do EMDR on.

So in addition to what @somerandomguy and @Freida said about grounding (which I totally agree with), listen to yourself as you go through EMDR, and don't assume that the best path is a straight path. Going slow is a good idea.
 
@KwanYingirl @bellbird , i totally relate to how you feel, its a big step but i believe well worth it. All i can add to the great comments and advice from the guys above is to maybe speak to your t’s about the ‘flash approach’ . I really struggled initially with dissociation and became quite overwhelmed in session. My t would do short sets of maybe only 6 seconds of looking at the memory then going to my ‘safe place’ , we would increase the time as i got stronger and more grounded. Another flash technique is to bring the core memory up but then whilst processing just quickly look into the memory and look back - so basically as though you are looking through an open door - literally a second ( a flash) then closing the door , this is repeated a few times with repeat ‘flashes’ and the safe place is used to return to. My t uses these techniques along with regular emdr and i have coped better with a lot less dissociation using these methods.
I wish you all the best on your emdr journey
 
Thank you for your advice. I know that grounding is important in every aspect of life and it’s something I do struggle with. Yesterday for example, I woke up in a flashback at 1:00am and never got back to sleep. So damn another sleepless night and then my mind just goes to gloom and doom. I had a couple of clients and somehow, I managed. I was still out of my body. I came home, tried to sleep, realized that this is exactly what I need to do: get grounded!! So I took the dogs for a long walk. It was a warm day after weeks of rain. I even chatted with a neighbor. By the time I got home, my mood was upbeat and I ended up going back to my office and hanging new blinds.
It’s Mothers Day which means I get to do what I want and I’m going to go buy some shrubs for the office. My landlord appreciates my green thumb and he is paying for the whole thing. He completely trusts me in matters of gardening. It is Zen for me. I think I can, with support, stay grounded during a session, but it’s later that I’m worried about.
I have a massage and reiki session set up for later in the day Tuesday. My shrink suggested I get a reiki session the night before and to use her to help me stay together and in my safe place. It’s taken me years to get to the point of recognizing that I can change my mood by taking action instead of curling up in a ball.
My T said I can check in as needed but I don’t have an opening in my schedule to physically get an extra session. He is very supportive of the metaphysical methods to stay in my body.
Thank you all for the great advice. I’m reminded of the tattoo I have of a lotus in bloom. There’s a lot of muck and mire it goes through to become the beautiful blossom it is.
 
I have one more thing to add ... Make sure you get your SUDS score down to a zero. I had mine down to a 1 and wasn't sure if I needed it or wanted it at a 0 ... But over the following week it flared back up to a 6 or 7. Once it got to 0 I haven't had a problem with the memory I worked on. Still a zero a month later.

I met someone who wanted to keep it at a 1 or 2 because otherwise it would "be like it never happened," but that's a false premise. It will always have happened, and you'll always still remember it. But it'll just seem like a regular memory.
 
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