Getting More Comfortable In Showers And Starting To Look For A Job.

[Ellabella44]

I'm lately being able to ground during a shower and not see the showers from my past and events tied to them over the top so much. I can now stay in till my fingers wrinkle! using that time to think of a problem I need to solve pushes those things away along with the months ive spent trying to retrain myself that all of the items soap, shampoo, etc are smells of things in my adult self shower.

I dont look forward to taking a shower yet, but someday I will. made it this far. I'm hoping this means my 5 seconds of hell showers are over with.

I'm also putting out resumes for veterinary assistant. Walking in, talking, handing it in...like a functional person. I never thought I'd be able to get to that point eiether. A year at the cat shelter has been so healing for my confidence. I am purposefully trying to find a similar situation where I can be with animals and people and get paid for it. I want to continue to progress and grow and feel that in the right situation that would be possible.

 

[EveHarrington]

Congrats!

I think you'll find that work as a veterinary assistant is very rewarding, not to mention therapeutic.

I'm a bath/body product junkie----I'm wondering if there are any particular scents that you find soothing that would perhaps help in the shower?

 

[Ellabella44]

I went shopping with my daughter, and we picked scents we both like. Warm vanilla sugar, pumpkin scents, warm homey baked goods scents. I also told my husband not to buy strawberry shampoo, it triggers me. Scents he likes for shampoo like coconut were fine.

I've been having flashbacks for a long while after a really bad one where back then was real and all I could see that time. I've been trying to touch the walls and say this is my shower, the soap is from shopping with my daughter, the shampoo was picked out by my husband and son. I am safe here. Nobody will come into this room while I'm here.

The past two times I've had the time to take a long shower I have added in thinking on how to solve a. problem unrelated to PTSD and it has helped as well. Took I think nearly a year to get this far. Think I can keep this going

 

[Fadeaway]

Great job. Very proud of you.

 

[The Albatross]

Yay 'Bella! One of my symptoms that persisted for years was an aversion to showering... I would run a bath but stay to the front of the house and make sure all my doors were locked. Weird cuz it wasn't directly related to a trauma. Wise that you connected the dots on certain scents being problematic. I have that too.

Good luck on your job search and great work on your 1 year at the shelter!

 

[Tj's Paradigm Shift]

Would it possibly be beneficial to take a long soak in the tub? Soaking has a relaxing way of letting the mind drift to a peaceful place as well as soothe tension.

 

[Ellabella44]

no time and stopper is broken. its tub environment itself that I need to ground in. flashbacks put another bathroom from my past into my present. feeling like I did for those two events. it wasnt anything physical in the shower, just two events that scared me as a child that caused me to feel unsafe there.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I can take showers but I usually dread right before I have to take one and I think it is because I feel so vulnerable in the shower. I always feel better afterwards so each shower is like a little exposure for me.

I am crossing my fingers that you get the job as a vet assistant. It would be a great fit for you after a year of volunteering. I worked at a country store/animal rehab to heal broken animals and re lease them back into the wild. I loved doing those kinds of things and have happy memories there.

 

[Ellabella44]

really that I am looking for a job alone is a huge achievement for me. I feel I know enough about animals and my confidence is better. I am worth something, the cats cant be wrong about that. well ok maybe some of it is sucking up to me to feed them breakfast lol. I spent some extra time with a new guy today. he stayed out of hiding for me. seeing him encouraged was priceless!