Getting Very Close Then Suddenly Breaking Up

[SharkyorBones]

Im glad I could help. I personally dont think you said anything that was overstepping any line or anything like that. Its nice to be able to help someone understand what it can be like to live with this. I think for me at least I can share my experience and just expect people to know what its like for me every day but of course people who havent been through this wouldnt understand and its helpful for me to see it from your perspective too.
For a long time I thought it was normal to be as I am but its not normal and its not deserved and its great to be able to share perspectives on this so thank you.

I wish you the best of luck and if theres anything else youd like to know that I may be able to help with just drop me a message any time. :)

 

[KT2]

Hi--I'm new here and have already been overwhelmed with all the kindness and support members have shown...

Hello. When I read these words a red flag went up for me, "I'll never know when I say something if it will come back & haunt me like that." It would be awful for you to end up walking on egg shells. It would be wonderful if you could speak freely and discuss anything without having this possible consequence hanging over your head. Maybe that could be something you talk about before moving forward? If he wants you back he might just have to respect you in this way and make an effort. I think you would agree that PTSD is no excuse to be treated in a way you are not comfortable with. Maybe take things really slowly

 

[glass half full]

Hi--I'm new here and have already been overwhelmed with all the kindness and support members have shown...

Larksong-

I'm a supporter for a now retired vet as well. Mine works overseas so while my experience is in many ways similar to yours, the lack of day to day personal contact also makes it very different. I think that you having cone here looking for information is an excellent first step. This is a great and generous group of people!

I think.that you learn more you will better be able to assess whether you want to and can stay in your relationship. I thought I understood the dynamics of PTSD within the first couple of months if connecting with my vet. I was so wrong. I've learned a lot more and still dont know much. The first time he isolated he tried to end our relationship via email. Fortunately I realized within a few days that the reasons he gave made no sense and I told him so. He didn't deny that they were BS. But just as important he didn't completely shut me out. Many supporters here have experienced total shut out. Mine is in isolation right now- but the one message I have gotten from him said he's ok and thank you.

I'm no expert- but I see your vet's lack to total silence as a good thing as his ability to thank you. As you read more here- a lot of folks have gotten expletives rather than thanks. All sufferers are different because they are different people even though they share some very similar characteristics. Based on my own experience,may I suggest that you not only learn about PTSD but that you also learn about combat training and what combat is like? I would suggest starting with Once a Warrior, Always a Warrior and The Things They Cannot Say. I found both to be very helpful. My vet has been able to tell me some of his experiences- but he's not able to tell me how those experiences impacted him. I think it's been helpful for me tell that I am learning and trying to grasp what he's been through. I think it takes a load off if him in terms of trying to figure out how to tell me and how I'd react and he already knows that I dont flinch from the ugly stuff. I think that's important for a vet. He's not comfortable with what he's seen, dine it didn't do- so how can you not judge him if you find out. Well, if you already have some idea and are still there for him, maybe you can handle it. Hope that makes sense.

The more you learn the better you can deal with the reality of being there for him. I am not saying it makes it easier, but knowledge has been both a great comfort and strength for me. I hope all the best for you and your vet. And many thanks to all share so generously here.