Happyplace76
Silver Member
Just a little bit of a background...January was when my son got ran over in our parking lot, two weeks later I lost my relatively new dream job bc of time off taking care of his medical appts, quasi-moved in with boyfriend to avoid our apartment parking lot, breast biopsy (benign mass :)) few weeks later, 360 spin into a highway berm wall and guardrail few weeks after that... and the boyfriend - well... I could go on and on but put simply he was extremely psychologically abusive/gaslighting/pathological lying making up his life story, etc... (Had NO clue while friends, getting to know him, presented himself as a devoted Christian) Turned out he had actually lived a life of crime, had chopped the thumb off his ex wife's boyfriend with a catan? sword and spent time in prison for reduced conviction of felonious assault from attempted murder, had told me he had killed a "Mexican", he had been sniper/assassasinator in black ops (no joke, you can't make this crap up) threatened to kill himself with us in the house. He did not physically abuse me however the Women's DV said that we went through pretty bad emotional abuse.
Was able to pay my Feb and March rent, my cash assistance card number had been fraudulently used (HOW??) in New York of all places and so we went without any money for 3 weeks while new card didn't come - in meantime April rent was due, apartment complex just wants us gone I think because of what happened to my son on their property and me complaining about it. Gave us 3 day notice on the 5th day of the month (extremely uncommon - I was a property manager myself for 10 years), they refused Job and Family Services emergency rent payment voucher (while I was still waiting for cash card) and now I'm facing eviction. Some of you all know this but I haven't been honest in that I have been suicidal for the last week.
After all this, everything I've gone through, I DO NOT have the energy to move through this. The hyperarousal and jumping out of my skin at every sound is under control but not much else. Despite medication. Got better when I had some cannabis - actually it felt like a cure but not an option because it was donated by a friend hours away. SO... I am bad. Not functioning, and I do not want to go on - for myself - and I just feel that my son could have a better life.
Was finally honest with both T's, and psychiatrist and while I'm not a danger to myself right now, I am planning on ending it after the hearing. However they want me to go to hospital in next few days. I'm a single mom with one clueless family member and Im no contact with my personality disordered, abusive mother and enabling father. I won't go into all of it with them, but trust me it's bad, I would never see my son again, etc... because my mom seriously loves to do whatever she can to hurt me - this isn't hyperbole or exaggeration, it's the truth. Both T's are in agreement.
This leaves me with no one to take care of my son - I've never been hospitalized before, and chances are he's going to go into emergency foster care for the 3-5 days I'm in there. When I get out, I won't have a place to go - well not the apartment probably but crisis said there were social workers that case manage when people get out.
I can't believe I have to do this, my life has come to this, what is going to happen with my son (I've spoken with him and his counselor has talked to him also about how this is no different than me going in for surgery etc...) He doesn't want to go to my parents, my aunt lives like an hour away and is only supportive by phone
I'm really scared, not sure if this is right thing but it sure seems like it, but my worst fear is that I'll get out and they'll say I'm unfit bc I don't have a job right now, we're losing our apartment, and honestly I just won't be able to handle that. And then I'll be put on a list where I won't be able to buy a gun and end it - I literally sound crazy right now smh... I just can't go on like this anymore. It HAS to get easier or I just can't do this anymore.
No other dx besides the PTSD, Depression and GAD. Oh Stress reaction disorder back in September. It's been a year of shit.
Anyone been in my shoes? How did it go? Did hospitalization help or make it worse? Did you lose your children?
Was able to pay my Feb and March rent, my cash assistance card number had been fraudulently used (HOW??) in New York of all places and so we went without any money for 3 weeks while new card didn't come - in meantime April rent was due, apartment complex just wants us gone I think because of what happened to my son on their property and me complaining about it. Gave us 3 day notice on the 5th day of the month (extremely uncommon - I was a property manager myself for 10 years), they refused Job and Family Services emergency rent payment voucher (while I was still waiting for cash card) and now I'm facing eviction. Some of you all know this but I haven't been honest in that I have been suicidal for the last week.
After all this, everything I've gone through, I DO NOT have the energy to move through this. The hyperarousal and jumping out of my skin at every sound is under control but not much else. Despite medication. Got better when I had some cannabis - actually it felt like a cure but not an option because it was donated by a friend hours away. SO... I am bad. Not functioning, and I do not want to go on - for myself - and I just feel that my son could have a better life.
Was finally honest with both T's, and psychiatrist and while I'm not a danger to myself right now, I am planning on ending it after the hearing. However they want me to go to hospital in next few days. I'm a single mom with one clueless family member and Im no contact with my personality disordered, abusive mother and enabling father. I won't go into all of it with them, but trust me it's bad, I would never see my son again, etc... because my mom seriously loves to do whatever she can to hurt me - this isn't hyperbole or exaggeration, it's the truth. Both T's are in agreement.
This leaves me with no one to take care of my son - I've never been hospitalized before, and chances are he's going to go into emergency foster care for the 3-5 days I'm in there. When I get out, I won't have a place to go - well not the apartment probably but crisis said there were social workers that case manage when people get out.
I can't believe I have to do this, my life has come to this, what is going to happen with my son (I've spoken with him and his counselor has talked to him also about how this is no different than me going in for surgery etc...) He doesn't want to go to my parents, my aunt lives like an hour away and is only supportive by phone
I'm really scared, not sure if this is right thing but it sure seems like it, but my worst fear is that I'll get out and they'll say I'm unfit bc I don't have a job right now, we're losing our apartment, and honestly I just won't be able to handle that. And then I'll be put on a list where I won't be able to buy a gun and end it - I literally sound crazy right now smh... I just can't go on like this anymore. It HAS to get easier or I just can't do this anymore.
No other dx besides the PTSD, Depression and GAD. Oh Stress reaction disorder back in September. It's been a year of shit.
Anyone been in my shoes? How did it go? Did hospitalization help or make it worse? Did you lose your children?
