Hard Days At Work

[Scandinavgirl]

I`ve had a couple of really hard days at work. I work in the telemarketing business - its temporarily, but I thought I would try it. It`s ok actually, but lately my results been bad.

I go to work and I hate myself. I then get negative response from customers. Then I hate myself a little bit more. I am almost crying because it is so hard. Then my boss is hard on me, because my results are so bad. Then I want to quit my job and just leave. Today I my boss triggered something in me - I almost felt re-traumatized and went back to react on high voices, feeling anxious etc.

Feels like I have given up and now I am not even sure if I can come to work tomorrow. I like my boss, but he does not accept bad results several days in a road. And I understand that. I just hate myself and can`t perform. No customers will ever listen to me when I am like this.

Just needed to write this down somewhere. If you now how to change self hatred into self love, I would also like your advices.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

:hug:s

 

[Justmehere]

I think that he to be one of the hardest jobs out there. :hug:

 

[SpiritFree]

@Scandinavgirl -

I can relate to your situation. I just started a new job last Thursday. On my first day my manager raised her voice and shouted across the room at me over some stupid email. Anyway, her raising her voice at me, re-traumatized me making me feel dumb. I have trouble following directions even as I try to take notes. I start feeling anxious and just want to bolt from the office and never return back. I am considering perhaps try to find a part time job. Perhaps that can make it easier. Have you thought of getting a similar job but part time instead of full time?

 

[Scandinavgirl]

Yes, then you know how I feel. I feel good about being able to function in work. I know that many here with ptsd cant work, but it is hard with these "flashbacks". I work 30 hours a week, cant work less because of the money. I hope to find a job soon, where I can use my education, but that is another matter.

 

[Scandinavgirl]

I think that he to be one of the hardest jobs out there. :hug:

I am sorry, I am not sure what you mean about this? (English is not my native language)

 

[Justmehere]

I'm sorry, I had a typo. I meant to say that I think that is one of the hardest jobs out there.

Telemarketing is a job that makes people without PTSD depressed and have low self esteem. It's understandable that you feel bad after dealing with people who can be jerks to telemarketers. I think you have a lot to be proud of for trying your best at this difficult job.

I struggle with self hate myself. Maybe it would help to have a sheet of paper with positive statements about you to read while at work so that way there is way to remind yourself that the people on the phone and your boss are wrong. Studies have shown that just residing positive statements can help elevate mood and self image. Google "positive self affirmations" for some ideas of great statements.

One of my favorites for myself is: "I am perfectly imperfect."

Maybe you are not the best telemarketer, but you are still an amazing person.

My own list that I review on really difficult days includes "I have value." "I am a worthwhile person." My therpaist said I should include these even though I don't believe them about myself.