Having A Bad Day And My Stepdad Thinks It's All One Big Joke!!

[FindingMyself88]

I wish I could go back to bed and start this day over!! I woke up after not getting but 2 hours sleep and knew today wasn't going to be a good day. My mom has been here since Wednesday and leaves today. She has been okay, but our whole dynamic changes when she is here. My stepdad is more angry and less involved when she is here. Anyways, my mom needed me to loan her some money until payday. I just got my income tax, which is suppose to be going toward nothing but my service dog. Anyways, my dad needed some drinks and so did I, and a few other things so we went to walmart. Shopping on a good day can be challenging for me, but today was horrible. My stepdad refuses to push buggy and so did mom, so I got stuck with it, which I hate. People were not paying attention today at all! I got run into by a guy who wasn't looking, another lady was hogging the isle and I was trying to get out of a workers way with a load of stuff, so I got shoved into the edge of an isle. It was horrible. All I could think about was getting out! This is why I will only be going shopping if I ABSOLUTELY have to until I get my service dog.

It was obvious that I was on edge and stepdad acted like I was overreacting. Then on the way home I made one of them drive instead of me because I knew I was in no shape to drive. We pass a psychiatric hospital on the way home from walmart and my dad makes the statement "maybe they would give you both a family discount." ?!?!!! That is not funny on any level!! It's like every since I've gotten out of the psych unit for my suicide attempt, he thinks he can just joke about it.

I will be so glad for my mom to go home, so he will go back to the way he normally is. I don't get where he thinks that is funny at all to make jokes about me. He obviously doesn't understand what its like. Ugh, I am trying so hard to work on my mindfulness meditation that my therapist started working with me on yesterday, but its hard when I am this upset!

 

[SeanCharles]

@FindingMyself88 While having a service dog doing it's job is a positive, I know that through my own research, that it can also make you a target in different ways. I am not stating this to be hard on you or anything, I am just commenting here. I know how difficult family can be, they don't see the world as 'we' do and so they don't understand how and why we see what we do and how we respond to what we do see.

I would also look at sleep hygiene (Something I am failing at myself, to be honest) I know that working on two hours of sleep is less than ideal. Hang in there and hopefully life will improve with time... it takes time... :hug:

 

[FindingMyself88]

@Geordie Thank you for your input and what you said is very true. I too have done my research about having a service dog but for me I feel like the positives outweigh the negatives. Animals in themselves are very therapeutic for me, but having a service dog that will perform tasks such as providing space, deep pressure therapy, grounding, etc is what I really need. Like today, having the dog to have created some boundaries between me and the other people would have helped tremendously.

Yes, he doesn't seem to understand how his jokes can affect me. I don't see how anyone could think it wouldn't hurt though joking about going back to a psychiatric hospital. It's not even like it was a long time ago.. it was just a month ago! Him nor my mom seem to understand that even though I've been out of the hospital for 3 weeks, I am still very vulnerable and have days where suicide crosses my mind again.

I am on several medications for sleep, and they use to work but lately they haven't been. I think part of it is my stepdad has started working at night, so I am home alone. This is why my therapist wants me to work on mindfulness meditation to see if it will help center me some because obviously medicine isn't helping. Again, I think having the service dog would help me feel more secure. I have 2 chihuahuas, but they get very anxious and bark at anything. I tend to "hear" things at night when I become afraid, so having the service dog to counter react that would help.

Thank you for the encouragement :). I'm trying to take it day by day, but today is just a really bad day.

 

[SeanCharles]

@FindingMyself88 I agree. I went to Walmart with my mom today to get some groceries. That was crazy. reminded me of being at work! :( even though I don't work at Walmart and never would! I am glad that the positives outweigh the negatives where a service dog is concerned. I am definitely wanting a service dog myself, but finding a legitimate one seems to also be an issue since there is so much abuse now with them. I occasionally see this where I work, and yet I can do nothing about it because of the laws, and I am also not in management, I think too from the company's perspective they will never offer me management either. I wish you well and I am glad that you have what seems to be a therapist with your interests at heart.

take it step by step, even baby steps if you need to, there are hours in a day, but you can also take it minute by minute too!

 

[FindingMyself88]

I am currently unable to work due to health problems plus my anxiety has been disabling. It was hard, but I found a non profit program that trains and certifies their own service dogs for you, so it is a legit program. I will have to drive 8 hours one way each week to train, but it will be worth it. The way I look at it is there is fraud and fakes in everything now. But I can't let that stop me from getting the help I need. My therapist, psychiatrist, and PCP all think the dog is what I need since medication really doesn't help. I know my dog will be legally certified and thats what matters.

As far as work goes, like I said right now I can't work. Once I get the dog, I will begin looking for a job where the dog will be allowed such as a vet clinic or home job. I am going to go back to school once I get the dog and so that eventually i will have my degree which will open up more job opportunities.

Thank you, I wish you the best too. If you think a service dog will help you, please don't let the negatives keep you from getting the help you need. My new therapist really does seem to have my best interest at heart. I am lucky to have the support system I have.