He Doesn't Get It And Won't Even Try To.

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

I can't talk to him about it anything, I'm so worried I'll upset him or say the wrong thing. By the way I'm the one with ptsd. We've been together for about 4 years I was diagnosed January time. But he knew I had issues before we started going out. I've tried to talk to him but he said I think you should talk to someone else cause I can't handed it. Is that fair enough? I don't know. Anyway I haven't been great this past year I've gone from being on the highest dose of sertraline (Zoloft) 200mg and seeing a psychologist every week to being off all meds and I stopped seeing anyone. I think I was pushed too quickly to go into details of the trauma and it put me in a downward spiral. He (my partner) doesn't get it but he doesn't even try to. I think I need a break from this relationship but I'm scared I'll lose him forever if I as for space. As well I'm not even sure if that's what I want or need I might just be a bit worse at the moment and I'm acting on that. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Xx

 

[GWhizz]

I think you've actually answered your own question. Have you read this back? You say you think you NEED a break.

You said he has voiced his inability to 'handle' you and that he doesn't even seem to try. If this is true then you truly do need space. Because if you're not feeling in a good place you will need that space. It's not something you should try to cover up. Trust me, I've put on the facade for long enough for the sake of protecting others. But eventually you learn that you need people around you who can accept you - all in - the good and the bad times, the ups and downs.

I am sorry you're going through this. And I'm sorry to ask, but I just wonder if maybe there's something deeper going on with him? I know that my own partner deep down is very sensitive and caring but at times I feel that he isn't there for me as much as I need him to be. And I know it's usually because he feels like it's all give give give on his part and that his needs have been ignored or dismissed because I actually can't handle his human emotions and problems too! Sounds messed up right?! I do make an effort to do my best now to support him too and encourage him to find his own supports independent of our relationship. Being our supporter can be tough going - no joke. Sometimes I wonder how he does handle me lol.

I just think a break seems what you're looking for anyway so it maybe no harm to take that step back and get some perspective as well as some much needed time out to care for yourself and nuture your needs. We can never be 100% in any relationship until we have given ourselves the love that we need first.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Do you really want to be with a guy who doesn't even try to understand PTSD? Nobody will ever truly get it, but at the very least, I think that we need to find partners who are supportive of us as this is a lifetime disorder (although we can go into remission), and as such, being with a partner who turns a blind eye to it all can and most likely will be very lonely. I think you deserve better than that.

 

[scout86]

This is sort of the flip side of what supporters get told a lot. He's been honest about his lack of willingness or ability to be involved in your issues. You have to decide if you're up for dealing with his answer. If he feels he can't deal with it, that's him. It's his choice and his truth. You can either decide it's ok and chose to live with it, or decide otherwise. There is no one, right, answer. There are only the answers that will work and the ones that won't.

but I'm scared I'll lose him forever

People don't own other people. If you aren't getting the support you need from the relationship, and he's not willing or able to give you the support you need from him, you aren't LOSING anything. You already don't have it. Him being in your life is just something that stands between you and the kind of relationship you do want and maybe need.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Thanks for the responses guys. I need to talk to him. I can't just expect him to read my mind, I think that's the thing. If I want him to know more about my ptsd I guess I have to tell him about it or direct him towards the appropriate information. When I said that he said he couldn't handle it it was when I was trying to talk to him about the trauma. That's pretty understandable giving the nature of it. But since he said that I haven't tried to talk to him about any of it incase I got the same response. We need to talk and see where we are both at. He is very kind and supportive I think he gets frustrated with me and thinks I could do more to help my own recovery.

I don't know I always have grand plans but when it come to following through I'm a total procrastinator. I feel a little lost. When I was in therapy people were all saying it gets worse before it gets better. There's only so much worse you can take and eventually I ended up bailing out. Meds just make me someone else. Now I'm off the list (for therapy) and isolated. It's just me and my partner I can't expect him to be my partner, my therapist and everything else. I dunno what to do. If I go back to my g.p. I'll go back on a waiting list for a year and I just don't know if I can handle being forced into more exposure therapy or whatever else. I don't work and haven't for a year (on disability) I'm pretty much alone except for him.