Relationship He Left.. For Good This Time.

[Sephira]

Well, my tumultuous relationship with my boyfriend is over. After oversleeping and arriving 9 hours late to the "date" we set up, he didn't like my tone when I said "Let's just do this a different day, you sound tired. This set him off, he started yelling and calling me names, then impassively stated he doesn't love me anymore.After this, I spent hours begging him to stay and try and make things work (embarrassed to say) but he left and then texted me a profanity laced guilt trip later.

I'm so, so sad. I haven't slept and know for certain he won't be back. I cannot believe this small incident made him decide to walk from a three year relationship. This sucks :(

 

[tphillips117]

This "small incident" is not what made him leave you. You didn't do anything wrong. He's sick, and he just doesn't have the capicity to be there for you right now. He can't even understand himself. Relationships are so hard to maintain when you live in your own PTSD world. Give him some space, he'll either get the help he needs, or he won't. I'm sorry this happened.

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((Sephira)))))

 

[myvetswife]

I'm sorry to hear that. My hubby and me splitt up and then realised how much we loved each other. Took us 6 month.

It's not your fault. I hope he realises that he needs help . ((hugs))

 

[Nicolette]

 

[ISupportHer]

I am so sorry things have gone this way. I hear you in your sorrow and disappointment. But know this. It certainly sounds like you did all you could. As previously suggested, one small incident was not the reason. Nor should you have to endure profanity laced tirades. PTSD or no PTSD.

ISH

 

[Sephira]

Hi Ish, Nicolette, myvetswife, Bloomin, and tphillips. Sorry I haven't posted to reply-been really down today. I want to thank you so much for being so supportive and nice. Each of you are really wonderful human beings that I am honored to have met.

I went to class, and when I came home there were 3 missed calls on my phone-all from him. He contacted me later and told me that if he thinks *I* can change my behavior, and always be sweet and nice then he wants to stay.

He said so many mean things such as he's been stringing me along for months, he doesn't love me, he's found other people to care about him, and he won't put effort into improving the relationship because he feels differently about me-things that tore me apart. Three hours later though-he has a change of heart. Not sure what's true anymore.

At this point, I'm not sure if I want him back. I love him but he won't change any of his behaviors. As always, the problem is me. I'll think long and hard, but at this point, this relationship doesn't seem healthy and until he wants to participate in making it better it never will. I'll keep you guys posted. Hugs to you all!

 

[Navy Spouse]

Sephira, I've read all your post, but never responded before. I know how much it hurts right now but I hope you will choose to move on. As you pointed out he's making everything out to be your fault. With out a lot of counseling he's going to continue to see everything as your fault. He thinks the relationship can work if you can be sweet and nice all the time. Oh My! Those are unreal expectations to set for anyone.
Step off the emotional roller coaster and try to began healing. It seems you've done all you can.

 

[ISupportHer]

Good comments from Navy Spouse.

Sephira, I imagine that it is very difficult. On one hand wanting things to be better and trying, yet your acknowledgement that he will not change and that he will always feel that it is you. Sorry, I read a lot of posts and threads and can't recall all of the details, like the length of your relationship, etc.

I think there are times to listen to one's heart, times to go with the gut. Sometimes a combination. Only YOU can know but perhaps it is time to follow your instinct.

I wish you peace

ISH

 

[Pale Warrior]

Hi Sephira,

I don't know you or this man, I am no expert, and this is just a thought that crossed my mind based on another supporters experience and some stuff that happened to me many moons ago....

Is there any thought in your head that he may have another woman, double life type scenario?

So sorry to bring this to the table but from what you are posting...

(((((HUG)))))

 

[Daisygirl]

Hi Sephira,

I agree with Navy Spouse. Anyone with PTSD is going to go through bad times and probably vent emotions where they don't belong. The only way, in my opinion, to have a relationship with someone with PTSD is when they own their behavior and get help. It is not your job to be perfect or to help him learn to cope. He has to do that on his own.

I think it's very unfortunate that he cannot see what a prize you are! You want to stay in the relationship and keep moving forward despite the obstacles. He doesn't realize obviously what he is giving up on. I do hope that you won't sell yourself short. You deserve someone who will appreciate you whether he has PTSD or not.

I am very sorry that you are sad and hurting. Lots of hugs!