Undiagnosed Hello All

[ibgrace]

My name is Grace...I'm new to this site and basically new to accepting that I even have PTSD...I haven't been diagnosed ofically but i was diagnosed with PMDD and put on Zoloft....I found my son Jeremy (21 years old) after he completed suicide...I thought all I was going through was normal grief until after 5 years of still nightmares, fears, thoughts and anger...That's when I got put on Zoloft for PMDD which is a severe form of PMS... I was taking Zoloft daily and it was helping til I realized I just didn't care for anything at all anymore...The doc told me to start taking it during my cycle only but those feelings still remained...I think I need some other form of treatment...It has been 7 years since my sons death and I still have sadness, anger irritabilty, depression, suicidal thoughts myself (vivid ones) like daydreams of it, some days I can't eat and no way to just go to bed and fall asleep. I stay up til I pass out....Sometimes I feel like a dog with rabies..People talking just pisses me off so bad I can't stand hearing their voices and I have to tell them to shut up or just walk away from them...I'm normally a loving caring person but I just really don't feel much anymore...I try, I fake smile. I act like I'm okay but sometimes I just can't do it and shut myself off to the world..That then leads to people being mad at me and thinking I don't love them...I can't win for losing in this world and I don't know what to do : / ..My cousin just completed suicide 2 days ago and my heart is so hardened I can't be there for my family..It hurts me so bad...So I thought I would find a place I could talk with others that know what I go through and get some guidance and advice...Thank You

 

[joeylittle]

Welcome to the forum, @ibgrace. I'm so sorry to read about the things you have lived through.

Was it your GP that put you on the Zoloft? If so, you may want to ask for a referral to a psychiatrist, to have a more thorough diagnosis done. It could well be PTSD, or it could be something else. Try and keep an open mind about it - but the recent death of your cousin could be a big enough stressor to trigger PTSD, even if you didn't have it before.

If you have been seeing a psychiatrist, then I'd suggest you try another one.

And do you have a therapist, or are you open to starting to look for one?

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Hi, Grace. That name makes my heart smile as it was also my maternal grandmother's name. It also makes me chuckle a bit as I feel I was born with little to no grace as evidenced in my consistent clumsiness. lol I'm so glad you joined the community and reached out. Much support, wisdom, and experience resides here.

 

[teast]

Hello Grace I'm new here too and haven't introduced myself to anyone yet. Let me say that I know all to well what you are feeling. There is no lonelier feeling than being surrounded by people but unable to express what you are feeling in that moment, it's the hiding that causes the pain. You need therapy, someone you feel safe to vent too, your anger, heartache,betrayal and over whelming sadness, a place you feel safe to pull the mask away. Also I've been on the Zoloft and it's not the best medication for depression, over the years I've had many different kinds and I'll say that Paxil by far is the best I ever took, it allows you to still feel your emotions without them overwhelming you so you can still cope.There are place here where I'm at that have conseling for free or low cost, I'm sure if you check you can find a place that will work for you. I will pray for you, that peace will settle over you. God bless and keep you always.Tammy