Hello Brothers And Sisters I'm David And I'm Lost!

[David Small]

Hello, my name is David I served in the US Army in Iraq 03-04 with the 18th and 1st Coscom and Afghanistan 2011-2013 as a Department of Defense Contractor working in a Taliban held area on a daily basis (Pol e Charki Prison). I have been diagnosed with PTSD and I also have severe spinal cord injuries from combat in Iraq. I really whole heartedly believe that the burden my life and my desiese places on my family should be eliminated. The medicines that my VA doctors have me on are Opiates, Benzos, Zoloft, Gabapenton, ect and if by them working means that I walk around like a Zombie I guess they are working. I have however found that the regular use of Canabis along with Zoloft almost eliminate my symptoms and stabilize my mood. However at 300 an OZ and living in a draconian state in which I have to be a criminal and be exposed to real criminals to get my meds. The burden that this cost has placed on my family is unsustainable, and my wife refuses to move to a MMJ state. I'm lost, I don't know what to do, but I do know that I will go back to being a Zombie on the VA meds because my only other option is to punch my own ticket. I feel so alone, my wife calls my anxiety attacks pity parties, and says that she is sick of hearing about my Chronic pain, I love the woman and have been married to her for 18 years. Almost done putting them through my problems, I want to cry so bad but I have no emotion.

 

[dutchiedelta]

Welcome David, make yourself at home.
Your situation sounds difficult, with a wife who seems out of her water.
Has she ever been to a dr or therapist to hear what PTSD really means?
There are links in the archives that you could show her perhaps.

As for yourself, hang on mate, let's first see if you can get more support, besides the VA.

 

[David Small]

My wife has gone to many counseling sessions with me, but refuses to move and take our kids out of school. Any help I cold get would be appreciated, I don't want to feel like a burden anymore

 

[nomedic1]

Welcome David the people on here are life saving so I hope being here will help in some way

 

[dutchiedelta]

Difficult David and without being there not much I can say about the situation.
Can someone explain your wife that you being without something that can help you is also not benefitting the children?
Or find something else that can do the same as what mj does for you?

Uprooting the kids is indeed not an easy thing and I'd hesitate doing that as well. So, is there something a dr or therapist can do for you there? Med-wise?

 

[vikingr24]

David,

Keep talking to us is one step. The VA does have a program to help with your wife. she can get counseling and support which can relieve you of a lot of stress. Work on them to help.

I am familiar with the meds you are taking well. I take some of them myself and have taken others in past times. I was also a parajumper in the AF and a surg tech. Not a doctor. But I know most of the meds they are passing out. You have a lot of them to take.

My thoughts are to continue with the meds religiously and don't disappoint yourself by trying to get to a MMJ state. Try to limit stress as much as possible and work toward stabilizing yourself. Take risks later.

Learn how to breath, especially when you are in such pain. Count while inhaling and exhaling and keep the same count in both. IOW, breath in to a count of 8 (say) and breath out to a count of 8. Slowly increase that count to whatever is relaxing for you. And it will relax you. Empty your mind. Think of the here and now, not what will happen tomorrow or happened yesterday. Breath from your belly, not your shoulders.

A lot of the numbness is caused by the drugs. What mg are you taking taking with the opiates and Gabapentin? Zoloft is definitely a zombie drug but has helped some with depression, which is your enemy. Opiates and benzos contribute to your depression.

With all the opiates you might consider finding some Acidophilus and taking that to relieve the constipation that opiates do cause. Get some fiber in your diet. Fruit, vegetables, a little (a little) cereal. Lots of yogurt.

A BRAT diet helps. (Bananas, Rice, Apple sauce, whole grain Toast.)

Walk as much as you can. One step a day more than yesterday.

Most important, do not lose that wife and family. They will be your best support. Learn forgiveness too. But emphasize to them you are you, not anyone else they know who might have gone through the same thing. My favorite come back from someone who always says their Dad was in World War II and never talked about it: did he get shot? Could he walk? How long was he hospitalized? How do you know he never talked?

You walk this earth the same as anyone else and have a right to happiness and joy. Right now, you are limited but you will learn how to find that happiness. Just sidestep anyone who gets in your way.

I have called the Vet's hotline myself. They are getting better at this so be patient.

1-800-273-8255, press 1.

PM any of us. We are here for you. And dammit, Charlie Mike.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Welcome David.
What can I say? It's a very unfortunate situation with the meds and the legality of true medicine.
And on top of that to have someone down playing your injuries would be the icing on the cake for me as far as relationship goes.
I'd suppose the best bet would be to continue to show her other individuals testimonies with PTSD or videos on youtube to try and open her eyes.
I think about punching my own ticket daily but it's a fleeting thought. Some of the side effects of
those pills include increased suicidal thoughts and mine really kicked in after being on meds.

I'd dip out to an MMJ state if I could and knew it was the right medicine.
But that is me I do not know how supportive she is or isn't for you.
I would try to tell her how much more life would improve on a natural medicinal herb.
Plenty of information and great people here.

 

[Friday]

Almost done putting them through my problems,

Hard lesson learned : Let the people who love you make their own f*cking decisions.

They wanna stay with you? Walk that road? That's their choice. Don't take that from them.

 

[Grizzly]

Hi David. Welcome to the site. This was a good step because most of us in some form have been or are currently where you are now.

I deal with severe chronic joint and pain as well as a f*cked up back. Along with that there is the Severe PTSD. It all sucks! But you already know that.

I too have a wife who refused to support me and my illnesses. She either is too narcissistic to understand PTSD and pain or doesn't want to accept it. But I love her and we have children that are the most important mission now. I also work for a large employer and I cannot partake in MMJ. I know it would solve many issues...but until it's more widely accepted and legalized in my state I have to find alternative methods.

One thing about chronic pain I have noticed with myself is my lifestyle. I have changed a lot of things including diet. This is the toughest especially when you are dealing with the stressors and depressive episodes of PTSD. I have also been exercising to my abilities such walking and swimming.

None of these are cures. But I discovered when I see how I'm helping myself, I feel better about myself.

You now have a support group here. You are not alone.

 

[CyclePath]

I don't have any real good advice, but welcome aboard.

 

[BaMuoiBa]

Welcome Dave, take a knee brother your not alone.

I don't know what to do, but I do know that I will go back to being a Zombie on the VA meds because my only other option is to punch my own ticket.

Listen up, your not the first and won't be the last to consider *Door # 2*, The guy's and women here know a thing or two about what your going through. I can't add too much to the conversation as my drug of choice was booze to quiet my emotional pain so the physical pain was not my issue.

You said you and yours did a bit of therapy, well maybe you need to try another therapist. Not sure where you went but the Vet Centers offer some excellent clinicians for family and individuals. She need to see that if she is not part of the solution she is part of the problem.

Stay in touch!

Ba

 

[Warrior Chicken]

I'm new at all this Dave, and I kinda suck at it....but I've tried a few things so far. I won't go into meds because I don't have a clue compared to others who have more experience. I've tried different techniques to relax, many I can't focus enough to get into, but I found one that does help me. What seems to happen with me when I get anxious, and who knows maybe you're the same....I get tense, angry, want to run or fight things. So the breathing doesn't work that well for me because my body can't release the energy fast enough. I do progressive muscle relaxation (I can't listen to the guided ones because I can't focus) it's pretty simple, I just tense muscle groups in my body, hold, and release. I don't know if I'm doing it right by holding my breath too, but it feels better when I release everything and breathe after. I go through legs, abs, chest, back, shoulders/neck, and face....but switch it up as you see fit.

It's not much, but maybe it will help a little. This site helps a lot more, so welcome.