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Sufferer Hello, fng here… Police & Ministry. Dealing with death and misery.

I have started to run again. I ran all the time when I was on the SWAT team and I'm liking it so far. I've started off slowly 1/2 mile this week, 1 mile next and so on until I get to my 3 miles a night goal.
Well done! Keep that body moving. It is a great way to interrupt depressive cycles. What else I see in this is that you have a goal. 3 miles. Maybe after 3 miles you can make it 4. Or in less time. Watch how your body improves. Start to eat well to support your running. Watch your water intake and improve it if you can. Research other ways to get fit. You are connecting with yourself again. As far as I am concerned, that is the best way to heal. Connection is healing. Congratulations!
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time, Jafo. It sounds like you've been carrying a heavy burden from your experiences as a police officer and then in ministry. The toll it has taken on your mental health is understandable, but please remember that you are not alone. There are people here who understand what you're going through.

It's positive to hear that you have a counselor to talk to about your struggles. That's an important step in seeking support and healing. In addition to professional help, connecting with others who have similar experiences can be incredibly beneficial. Sharing your thoughts and feelings with those who understand firsthand what it's like to live with PTSD can provide a sense of relief and belonging.

I encourage you to visit myptsd.com, a peer-to-peer community dedicated to individuals who suffer from or support others with PTSD and CPTSD. This forum could be a safe space for you to talk about your experiences, find support, and connect with others who understand the challenges you face. While it's not a substitute for therapy, it can complement the work you're doing with your counselor.

At myptsd.com, you'll find specific forums for various topics related to PTSD and CPTSD, such as relationships, spirituality, and self-help. Feel free to explore the different sections and share your story. You may find comfort in engaging with others who have faced similar struggles or even offering support to someone else going through a difficult time.

While it can be tempting to isolate yourself, I want to remind you of the importance of reaching out to others, even if it feels uncomfortable. Consider sharing your feelings with a trusted friend or family member who may be able to provide some support. Loneliness can be alleviated when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and open up to those who care about us.

Remember, healing is a process, and it takes time. Please keep reaching out for help, both professional and peer support. You are not broken or unfixable, even if it feels that way right now. There is hope, and with support and guidance, you can work towards a better future.
Hello. I have been a person of faith for 40 years. I think, however there are a couple things I can share. God provided not only the word but other skills as well. I prayed so many times that I wanted to die and Lord, can I go home now. Depression is painful. Not only emotionally but it can be physically debilitating. I am guessing here but how is your diet? I ate high carb foods as they were fast and convenient. They also cause your brain to feel good for awhile but short lived. You also are going through grief of your losses. Grief has some stages and they do not fall in order but come and go. We all have been a discouragement to ourselves, family and friends. I am sure you like us had ideas of how your life should go. You were unaware of what a profession like that could do to you. There is a guy in the forum who was an EMT that was affected in somewhat the same manner. My Pastor just finished the book,” The Body Keeps The Score.” It might give you some insight. I know some of my believer friends have no clue what we go through and like you experienced be given the book of Job.. not necessarily helpful. What helped me is beginning to get the beginning of a heart knowledge of the sovereignty of God. If you read the hardship that Paul lays out that he suffered he understood what we also suffer. This is a broken world and we are a broken people. Some never understand that. God knew you and me before the foundation of the world. He saw us in our mother’s womb. We were fearfully and wonderfully made. In some of our lives other broken people violated us and we were marred. Some of ,like yourself were exposed to physical horrors and wars and all sorts of violent acts. It affected us neurologically, emotionally, intellectually and many of us suffered all sorts of experiences because of other people’s sin. Those terrible things however were the consequence of many people with no conscience, some were random accidents. We live in a fallen world. I am glad you found a hope in Christ. But there is more. You are very low and sound like at the bottom. I pray for just one little bit of courage. The courage to not ruminate, to keep a journal, to eat healthy. If possible find a trauma specialist. It would be nice if they had a faith but not necessary if they have the skills. Please see your primary care doctor and get a good physical and be open to medication. The reason I am saying this is there is a tendency for us believers to throw scriptures at people or say things like you need more faith. Or pass out scriptures like fortune cookies. You have a faith or you would not have entered this forum. We have believers of all faiths and anti to any religion. However, you are here. I pray that your hope increases and you put footwork and thought to steps you can take with God’s wisdom to walk with a limp like the rest of us. I have you on my prayer list. The scripture is Nahum1:7. I pray you see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
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